


January Gloom

by myownway



Category: All Time Low (Band)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of self-harm, Violence, domestic abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:55:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 33
Words: 53,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27327670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myownway/pseuds/myownway
Summary: “I’m here for Jack Barakat.” The words slipped from his mouth and suddenly the realisation of what was happening caught up to him. He didn’t remember how he got there, he didn’t remember the flight or packing, but he remembered the phone call. He hadn’t recognised the number, just the LA area code. He had expected it to be someone drunk dialling maybe, it was still late in LA for whoever to be calling to be in the middle of a very good and drunken evening. But it had been the hospital.Jack was in the hospital.
Relationships: Jack Barakat/Alex Gaskarth
Comments: 116
Kudos: 90





	1. Chapter 1

January Gloom  
Chapter 1 

“I’m here for Jack Barakat.” The words slipped from his mouth and suddenly the realisation of what was happening caught up to him. He didn’t remember how he got there, he didn’t remember the flight or packing, but he remembered the phone call. He hadn’t recognised the number, just the LA area code. He had expected it to be someone drunk dialling maybe, it was still late in LA for whoever to be calling to be in the middle of a very good and drunken evening. But it had been the hospital. 

Jack was in the hospital. 

The doctor couldn’t give him any specifics, since Alex wasn’t family he couldn’t divulge the details, but he had said something about Jack pointing to Alex’s contact details and pushing the phone to the doctor. Jack wanted Alex there, and who was Alex to refuse?

He should have been reassured, Jack was awake and able to give out personal information for them to contact him, but it only caused Alex to panic more. If Jack was awake why couldn’t he call himself? What had happened? At least he was awake, that was what he kept on telling himself, at least Jack was awake. 

“Can I take your name?” The receptionist asked, she must have already asked the question but Alex had zoned out. His head felt full and light at the same time, he rested his hands on the reception desk to steady himself. “Sir…” She repeated and Alex blinked his eyes open and stared at her trying to keep his focus. 

“Alex Gaskarth, Doctor Parson called me.” Alex said quickly hoping that he had answered the right question, he couldn’t even remember what she had asked. 

The receptionist nodded slowly and clicked something on the computer, the noise going straight through him. “If you take a seat the doctor will be out shortly.” 

“Is he okay? Jack… just… is he okay?” Alex asked and the receptionist looked up at him, Alex could tell that she felt sorry for him, her blue eyes watching him with a soft expression but he could still see the pity in her eyes. 

“It’s probably best for the doctor to explain everything to you, but he is awake.” Alex nodded and forced a thankful smile on his lips and went and sat down on the uncomfortable plastic seating. He let his head fall into his hands and he took a breath trying to steady himself. 

Jack was in the hospital. Jack was awake. Jack wanted him to be there. Alex rubbed his tired eyes and sighed, he had so many more questions and it was starting to give him a migraine and the fluorescent lights of the waiting room wasn’t helping. He looked around the room slowly, for an LA hospital it wasn’t too busy. There were a few family members scattered around the room, a toddler walking up and down the chairs but Alex ignored them, just closed his eyes and sighed. The only thought he allowed to enter his mind was the one that made his heart sink; he couldn’t even remember the last time he had spoken to Jack. 

What felt like hours later, his name was called. He looked up to see a tall red haired doctor smiling towards him. He stood up awkwardly and walked over to him. “I’m doctor Parsons, we spoke on the phone.” 

“Alex.” Alex offered a hand and the doctor shook it. He wanted to tell him to hurry up and tell him what happened, to let him see Jack but the doctor just shook his hand and led him to a small office. 

“Can you please tell me what’s going on?” Alex asked as he crumpled into yet another plastic chair. 

“Jack was dropped into hospital a few days ago.” Alex frowned. Dropped in? What did that even mean? His look was enough for the Doctor to continue, “Jack was dropped off outside the emergency doors, he was beaten pretty bad and so we could treat his injuries we had to put him under sedation.” 

“Beaten?” Alex forced the lump in his throat down. “A few days ago?” 

“Thursday night,” the doctor added and Alex nodded his head slowly. It was Sunday now, Jack had been alone in the hospital beaten and alone for three days. He felt his heart sink and bile rise in his throat. 

“He woke up this morning, he wasn’t talking, when we asked who he wanted us to contact he gave us your details.” 

“Is he…” Alex didn’t even know how he wanted to finish that sentence. 

“He’s awake now, he has no head injuries or anything that will cause him significant problems in the future.” 

“That’s good…” wasn’t it? No significant damage. That had to be good. 

“I don’t really have any more information about what happened, the police are eager to get a statement from Jack but every time someone comes into the room he flinches and forces his eyes closed.” 

“Okay.” Alex ran a hand through his hair. “Can I see him?” 

“Of course. But I need to warn you that even though there is no internal significant damage, he has some major bruising across his face and body.” 

Alex nodded again and he bit down on his lip and swallowed hard. “Are you ready?” Alex nodded but as Doctor Parsons led him to the private hospital room he didn’t think any words of warning would have prepared him for what he saw. 

Jack, at this point Alex was certain it wasn’t even Jack, was propped against the hard looking white pillows, his skin so pale it was like he was blending into the scratchy fabric. His hair, flat with no product was a mess on top of his head, but his face. That’s what Alex couldn’t stop staring at. His face was a mixture of blues, purples and red. His right eye was practically swollen shut and his left was not doing much better. 

“Jack?” Alex whispered, his voice so unsure of itself. 

Jack turned his head slowly and Alex hated the look that crossed his face; shame, embarrassment. Guilt. Slowly, Alex made his way over to him and stood by the edge of the bed, “hey buddy,” Alex said gently, he reached out hesitantly and took Jacks bruised hand in his. His knuckles were grazed and swollen and Alex felt a rush of pride wash over him, Jack had fought back. Jack doesn’t say anything but he tenses as Alex touches him and he moves his hand away and tucks it under the covers. Alex can see that the simple movement had pained him more than it should have and he looks up at Doctor Parsons who smiles a little encouragingly. Jack moves his head and looks at the chair beside him and then at Alex, “you want me to sit with you?” Alex checks and Jack makes the briefest of movements with his head before closing his eyes. Alex nods slowly and he moves to the chair and he sits in it. It’s not as uncomfortable as the others, this has a slight cushion and he leans back into it. 

“Jack, can you open your eyes for me?” Doctor Parsons' voice was so soft and Jack slowly blinked his eyes open. “It's nice that Alex has come to see you,” he says and Jack's eyes make their way to Alex who tries his best to smile at him. “And now he’s here, he can sit with you when the police come and talk to you.” 

Alex has known Jack for more than half of his life and he can see the pure look of terror run through him and he’s never seen that look before and it scares him. But Jack is his best friend and he needs to push his own thoughts and feelings aside. He shoots a look to the doctor telling him he’ll handle this and he seems to understand and he gives a brief nod and he leaves the room. 

“Hey, Jack, I need you to look at me, okay?” Slowly Jack looks at him, there’s tears in his eyes which only highlights how bad his eyes actually are and Alex forces himself to keep eye contact with him. “It's going to be okay.” Alex keeps his voice softly just like Doctor Parsons. “I'll be right here, if you don’t want to talk right now that’s okay. But the police need to talk to you, they need to find out who did this to you.” Alex whispers the last part but Jack tenses and his hands physically starts to tremble. “Jack, it’s okay, breathe with me.” Alex doesn’t hesitate to move onto the side of the bed beside him, he takes his hands gently in his, ignores the way that Jack flinches from him and runs circles on his palm, trying his best to calm and soothe him. “Breathe with me. That’s it.” He whispers and Jack tries really hard to copy the breathing but it takes a while but Alex coaxes him through it. “That's it.” Alex whispers and Jack takes an exhausted breath. “Have a sleep, I’ll tell the doctor to get them to come later.” 

Jack nods his head in a tiny motion and his eyes bore into Alex asking a silent question. “I'm not going anywhere.” He promises, “I’m going to talk to the Doc, and then I’ll be right here.” Jack relaxes at that and Alex makes his way out of the room he feels Jacks eyes trained on him. 

“You're really good with him,” Doctor Parsons smiles and Alex pulls a face. What did that even mean? 

“He's my best friend.” Alex stated simply. He would do anything for him. “He had a little panic attack, and I think he needs a little sleep, would it be possible to do the statement with the police when he wakes up?” 

“Of course, I’ll give them a call. Since Jack has woken up he hasn’t spoken, not uttered a word. Is this something that is normal for him?” Alex frowned and stared at the Doctor with confused eyes. How was not talking something that could be normal for Jack. Jack was the guy who would talk all the way through a movie yet still be able to keep up with the plot. Jack was the person you could talk to on the phone all night and still have something to say when he saw you in the morning. He shook his head slowly. “That’s okay, people respond to trauma in different ways, hopefully now you are here he can feel more relaxed.”

“I hope so.” Alec whispered, and he turned on his heel and went back to Jack’s room. He didn’t want the Doctor to ask him any more questions, he didn’t think that he would be able to cope hearing anything else about Jack’s condition. He sat back on his chair, he tucked his legs under himself and looked at Jack who had fallen asleep, pain was still sketched over his face but at least he was resting. He wrapped his jumper around himself tighter and wiggled a little on the chair trying to get comfortable, he closed his eyes; hoping that when he opened them again all this would just be yet another of his nightmares.


	2. Chapter 2

The sounds of whimpering woke him up, his head was pounding and as he opened his eyes the reality around him came crashing back. It hadn’t been a nightmare. Jack’s eyes were still closed but his body was thrashing around on the bed, scared little whimpers leaving his lips. “Jack,” Alex whispered, he didn’t want to startle him, but he didn’t want him to hurt himself either. “Jack, you need to wake up.” Alex said a little louder, he crouched down beside Jack’s bed and slowly reached out and gently rubbed his cheek. “Jack, come on, open those eyes for me.” It took a second and a little more words of encouragement from Alex, but Jack’s eyes opened and they darted around the room. “Breathe Jack, it’s okay, you’re safe.” Alex said gently, “I’m here, you’re going to be okay.” Jack took a shaky breath, his eyes staying on Alex’s face as he tried to calm down. “That’s it.” Alex smiled and Jack’s breathing returned to normal. 

“Okay?” Alex asked and Jack nodded and pushed his body up a little, a wince spilling from his lips. “Let me help?” Alex asked, so far every time he touched his friend he had flinched or tensed, even now when he had touched his face as soon as Jack realised someone was touching him he had moved away. Alex wanted to kill whoever had done this to his friend. Jack was the cuddly one, he always needed to be touching someone, even if it was just pressing against someone as they sat on the sofa, or hand resting over someone's shoulder. It killed him inside seeing Jack be so terrified of someone touching him. Jack nodded his head a little and Alex helped him move so he was sitting up on the bed, he propped a pillow behind him and Jack sat up a little more and forced a small smile on his lips and closed his eyes taking a breath. 

“The police will be here soon,” Alex whispered and he pulled his chair closer to the bed, he wouldn’t touch Jack but he needed his friend to see that he was there for him. Jack looked down, his nails picking at his skin idly and Alex wanted to reach out and separate his hands. “The Doctor said that you haven’t really been up to talking,” Alex said lightly, and in all honesty he had no idea where he was going with this, he felt nervous just speaking to Jack. What if he said the wrong thing? “And that’s okay, but we need to listen to what they say, okay?” Jack didn’t nod, but Alex could see in his eyes that he was listening. “And when you’re ready, you can talk to them.” Alex paused and he reached his hand out slowly and placed it on the sheet beside Jack’s hand; he didn’t touch him, but he was there. “And you know that you can always talk to me, I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.” Jack looked up at him at that, his eyes were so brown, shining bright with unshed tears. His fingers moved forward slowly and Alex forced his hand to stay still as Jack linked their fingers together weakly, it was a quick movement but as soon as the door opened and Doctor Parsons walked in Jack moved his hands away and tucked it under the covers. 

Alex missed his touch almost instantly. 

“I need to check your ribs and clean some of the bandages,” Doctor Parson said softly and Jack nodded his head mutely. Alex bit his lip and looked at the two of them. 

“Do you want me to leave?” Alex asked and Jack’s head shot up, panic all over those brown eyes. “I’ll stay,” Alex promised. “Don’t worry Jack, I’ll be here.” Jack relaxed at the words and Alex moved his chair back a little giving the doctor the space he needed. 

Alex had wondered why a nurse wasn’t changing Jack’s bandages, but Alex assumed it was because Jack was a little more comfortable with Doctor Parsons. He couldn’t imagine Jack in this state being okay with different nurses coming in and out and changing his bandages or touching him. Doctor Parsons pulled the covers away from Jack slowly and helped him sit forward so he could undo the gown from the back, Alex bit his lip not to make any noises as the extent of Jack’s injuries appeared to him. 

Much like his face, Jack’s body was a mismatch of purple and blues, he had bandages wrapped tight around his ribs and Alex frowned as he looked a little closer. Some of the bruises looked a little older, others looked fresh. This wasn’t the first time that Jack had been hurt. Alex looked down, his own eyes threatening to release tears. Why had he not known that Jack had been hurt in the past? But that wasn’t all. Jack was so skinny. Jack had always been thin, he was energetic and never stopped moving. He lived off of Taco Bell and fast food for most of his life and never seemed to put any weight on, but he always looked healthy. But now, he looked like he was just skin and bones. When had been the last time that Jack had eaten a proper meal? 

Alex forced his eyes away from his friend's beaten body, he stared at his shoes, a wave of nausea hit him and he really wanted to leave the room, to take a few minutes and just to breathe but he couldn’t leave Jack. Not now. 

“Are you in any pain?” Doctor Parson asked as he helped Jack put the gown back on. Jack gave a slight nod. “I’ll give you some more painkillers now, but please Jack, try and talk to the police okay?” Alex was surprised to hear how much the young Doctor seemed to care, there was such passion and friendliness in his voice. Had he seen Jack before? 

Jack just nodded again and his eyes shot to Alex who looked up at him and smiled and gave his own encouraging nod. “I’ll be back in a second with the painkillers okay, and then it will be dinner time. Have a look at why you want to eat okay? Alex, if any of the delicious hospital meals sound appealing pick one as well, but if not there’s a cafeteria on the third floor.” 

Alex nodded his head “thanks,” he said and looked at Jack, “what are you going to eat?” Alex asked and he grabbed the small menu from the table beside Jack. He looked through it idly and pulled a face “I mean… maybe I can pick you up something from the cafeteria.” Alex joked and handed Jack the menu. Alex thought that Jack was probably just entertaining him by looking through it. “Anything take your fancy?” 

Jack shrugged and put the menu down and tapped on the picture of the chips. “Okay, I’ll let them know you want some chips.” Alex smiles and he wonders if Jack would actually eat them. 

They sit in a companionable silence for a while. Alex has so many questions that he’s desperate to know the answers to, but he can’t push him. He knows that. He has so many things that he wants to say, but he can’t find the words so the silence washes over them. Jack has turned a little on the bed, when his eyes aren’t closed they are either watching Alex or looking out of the window. Jack hates being cooped up inside, and he’s been in the hospital for three days, Alex can only imagine what that’s doing to his mind. 

“Maybe tomorrow, if you’re feeling up to it we can go and sit outside?” Alex suggests. Jack looks at him, his eyes hopeful. “That sound good?” Alex checks and Jack just nods his head but the air around them feels a little lighter now. 

Doctor Parsons brings in two bottles of water, one for Jack and one for Alex, he also gives Jack two painkillers. Alex asks about the walk without thinking, and maybe he should have asked in private, if the answer was no and they weren’t allowed he didn’t want Jack to feel discouraged by it, but thankfully Doctor Parsons agreed that it would be good for Jack to get some fresh air. 

“Have you thought about dinner?” He checks and Alex watches as Jack points to the chips again, this time showing the doctor. “And Alex?” 

“I mean, if it’s no trouble I could do with some chips.” Alex smiles and the doctor nods and makes a quick note of it. Again, Alex thinks that getting patient food orders should be someone else’s job and he’s more than grateful for the doctor in front of them. 

“The police are here, Jack I need your consent to give them the evidence we collected from you.” His voice is light once again and Jack tenses, his face growing paler and Alex can see the panic build up, but Jack nods. Something changes in his eyes and Alex is desperate to know just what it is, and a quick look up to Doctor Parsons and Alex knows that he is thinking the same thing. 

“Thank you,” The Doctor whispers and he leaves the room. 

“I'm so proud of you,” Alex says and Jack scrunches his eyebrows in confusion, he doesn’t say anything just stares at the bottle of water with a determined look in his eye and pops the tablets in his mouth and takes a long sip. 

Alex looks up at the door, through the blinds he can see two policemen, one male and one female. They look young enough and are in deep conversation with Doctor Parsons, every now and again they would look towards the door and Alex wants to know what they’re saying, wants to know what is going to happen and needs to know who hurt his friend and why. 

“You ready?” Alex asks Jack quietly and Jack gives a shaky nod, he sips his water again and as the door finally opens and the three of them walk in, Alex takes a breath, he wasn’t sure if he was ready for this but he’d be there beside Jack every step of the way.


	3. Chapter 3

“Jack Barakat? We are with the LA police, my name is Selena and this is my partner Harry, we are going to do a quick interview today,” She has a soft voice to go with her soft almost elf like features and Alex wonders what she would be like out in the street fighting crime. Harry, her partner's a little taller, a little more muscular. 

Jack nods, he’s holding onto the water bottle tightly and Alex can see the tremble in his hands. “Doctor Parsons has expressed that you want Alex to stay with you, is that correct?” Harry asks and Jack nods again. 

“Normally unless you’re underage we don’t allow someone to be in the room, however Doctor Parsons thinks that it’s best that he stays, Alex do you understand that you can’t say or do anything that will interfere as Jack is giving his statement.” 

“I understand.” Alex says and he has a weird feeling in his stomach like he’s being told off by the police. He remembers back to when they were teenagers, Jack had been bullied a little in school, nothing serious, but one Friday he had decided to skip school and Alex being his best friend of course wanted to make sure he was okay and skipped too. They had decided on a hike, fresh air to clear their heads, a picnic at the top of the hill. Only they had been stopped by two patrol cops and Alex had caved straight away, they were driven back home and their parents informed them that they were playing truant. Jack had found the situation hilarious, he had laughed at the terrified look in Alex’s eyes and teased him ever since. But Jack had been honest with the police back then, admitted to the bullying and his worries about school and they had helped him. Alec just hoped that they would help him now too. 

Jack shot him a little grateful look and Alex wondered if he had thought back to that time too. Could he remember how scared Alex had been back then? He wanted to reach over and hold Jack's hand, but he didn’t. He just held them onto his lap and watched as the police took a seat at the end of the bed. Doctor Parsons left the room and closed the door behind them and Alex felt that he had been pulled into a vacuum, the room was so tense. 

“I’m going to ask you a few questions, and I need you to be honest with the answers you give me.” Selena started and Jack just nodded. “Do you know who dropped you to hospital on Thursday evening?” 

Jack nodded. 

“Can you tell me their name?” Selena asked, her voice again was so soft, so patient. 

Jack bit at his lip, his tongue darting out and back in. He was trying to speak.

“If it’s easier for you, you can write it down?” Selena suggested gently and her partner tore off a piece of paper from the pad he had been writing in and handed him a pen. 

Jack picked up the pen and fiddled with it between his fingers before scribbling something down. Selena picked up the paper and read it out loud “Tyler Jenkins?” Jack just nodded and looked down. 

Tyler Jenkins. Who was Tyler Jenkins? Alex thought that the name sounded familiar but he couldn’t quite place it. 

“What is your relationship with Tyler Jenkins?” Selena asked and Jack was picking at the label of the bottle now, his fingers moving a little erratically. “Were you friends? Or something more?” 

Jack nodded. 

“Something more?” Selena checked and Jack nodded again. “How long had you been in a relationship with him?” Selena asked, her voice continuing to be so soft, it seemed that Jack didn’t mind opening up to her. Even if he hadn’t spoken yet. “Do you want the paper again?” Jack nodded and the paper was placed back in front of him. “A year?” Selena read and Jack nodded. 

Jack had been in a relationship with this Tyler Jenkins for a year. Alex looked down, how had he not known? they had seen each other a lot in that year, it had only been the past couple of months that they hadn’t spoken as much. But Alex had stayed with Jack for a month in LA, they had gone out eating, drinking, and just spending time together. How had Jack not told him that he was in a relationship? 

“We went through your hospital records, in the past year this is the third time that you’ve been in the hospital.” 

Alex felt sick. He took a sip of his own water, not surprised that his hands were the ones trembling now. Selena seemed to notice and gave him what Alex assumed to be her comforting look but it just made Alex feel even worse. 

“Was Tyler the reason for you being in the hospital?” Selena asked and Jack shook his head quickly. “Someone else hurt you?” 

Alex had been desperate to hear Jack’s voice since he arrived at the hospital, but when Jack finally spoke it made Alex’s heart shatter inside his chest. “My fault.” Jack said in barely a whisper, then he turned away from Alex and squeezed his eyes shut, Alex had a feeling that if the hospital blankets weren’t so tight on the bed that he would have made an attempt to pull them over his head, but this was his way of saying he was finished talking. 

“We’ll come back in a little while okay? You get some rest.” Selena said softly, she handed Alex her card “if he wakes up and wants to talk more.” Alex just nodded. 

“Thank you.” He finally said and he stood up and walked them to the door and closed it behind them. He leaned back against the door and took a shaky breath. He closed his eyes and counted to ten, trying to calm himself down before he walked back to the chair and sat down. 

Jack didn’t turn his head to look at him, but Alex could tell that he wasn’t asleep, his breath hadn’t quite evened out but that was okay. Jack needed some time to process and to be truthful, so did Alex. Alex fished out his phone from his pocket and scrolled through texts that he and Jack had spent over the year, there were some breaks between, but they spoke a fair amount. Alex asking about movies or things that Jack had seen, and Jack sending over cocktails and new drinks that he had tried. It was a normal interaction for them. Alex sighed when he saw the messages he had sent Jack about his troubles with Lisa. They had been married for almost four years, at first it had been perfect but over the past two years they had drifted, they had become more like friends then a married couple and they were both okay with that. 

Jack had been the only person that Alex had opened up to about it. Jack had been there. That was why Alex had spent the month in LA with him. To see if the distance helped anything for the married couple. Jack had never pressured Alex to talk, he was just there for him and Alex felt a stab of guilt in his heart. Jack had been with Tyler then. Jack had ended up in the hospital three times. Was that before or after Alex had stayed with him? 

Alex pulled open Jack’s instagram. Jack wasn’t the biggest fan of social media, but he would post a lot when they were on tour or promoting the band. Alex sighed quietly, he missed being on tour with his friends, it had been almost two years since their last full tour, they were on a little hiatus, they had plans to be in the studio in a few months to start their next record, something that Alex was excited about. Especially with everything that had happened with Lisa, he was desperate to get back to some form of normality. So far, Alex couldn’t see anything out of the normal, he had scrolled down at least nine months but that was when he saw it. It was a photo of Jack and someone else sitting on the hood of a car, they were on a cliff edge looking out at the sunset, Alex couldn’t see their faces, just legs, he recognised Jack’s beat up brown boots, and his legs were looped over whoever was sitting beside him; Alex could tell that it was definitely a pair of male legs. There wasn’t a caption, no sarcastic comment or joke written by Jack but the first comment was simply a purple heart emoji but it was the name that caught his eye; Tye_Jenkins. Alex poked his head up and saw that Jack hadn’t made any movement, and maybe this time he had actually fallen asleep. Alex pressed on the profile and raised an eyebrow, he would have assumed it was private but it wasn’t. He flicked through the photos, there weren't any photos of Jack, but there were photos that were definitely taken in Jack’s apartment. 

Alex didn’t really know what to do with this information. The photos seemed normal, feeling frustrated Alex closed the app and leant back against the chair. He needed some air, but he didn’t want to leave Jack. He waited a few minutes but then the need to leave the room became too much, he grabbed the pen and paper left on the table and wrote a quick message saying he had gone to get some air but he would be back soon, he also put Jack’s phone beside the paper and said text him if he woke up and he would come straight away. 

“Hey, Alex, are you okay?” Doctor Parsons' voice stopped Alex halfway through the corridor and Alex wished he could just continue to walk forward, but he stopped and turned around. 

“I just need some air.” Alex answered honestly. 

“I can’t imagine that any of this is easy for you,” Doctor Parson said softly and Alex shrugged, he didn’t want to think about how this was for him, all he could think about was how bad this was for Jack. “Are you staying here for a few days?” 

“I can’t leave him.” Alex said, he already felt guilty enough. If only he had known, he would never have let any of this happen. 

“Have you got somewhere to stay?” Doctor Parsons asked. 

Alex frowned, he would have stayed with Jack, but if that was where Tyler was then there would be no way he would have gone there. “I’ll arrange for them to bring a bed into the room. I can’t promise it will be comfortable for you, but i guess you two would want to stay close.”

“Are you sure that’s okay?” Alex asked softly. 

“It’s fine,” Doctor Parsons assured him.

“Can I ask you something?” Alex asked, he stood a little nervously in front of him, rocking on the balls of his feet.

“Of course, is everything okay?” Doctor Parsons frowned.

“Do you know Jack? Like… Have you seen him here before?” Alex asked, biting on his bottom lip as he waited for the answer. 

“He’s been in three times.” Doctor Parsons nodded. “I met him on his second visit.” 

“And he’s never wanted anyone here with him?” Alex sighed.

“He wasn’t alone those times.” Doctor Parsons' voice was quiet and he looked around, Alex thought it was maybe because he was scared someone would overhear him. “He was with his partner, I had my suspicions on what was happening, I gave Jack some information on how he could get help, but from what I know he never reached out. The times that he was here, it was his partner who did most of the talking, Jack had said he was clumsy, he had fallen or knocked into something, the injuries matched that, but I’ve seen enough domestic violence victims in my time here to know the signs.” 

Alex just nodded, his head was aching and his hands were trembling at his sides. 

“I know that you are feeling guilty, but please, you can’t feel like that. You weren’t aware of this, Jack didn’t want you to be. But him asking for us to call you, that’s his sign that he’s ready to talk, that he’s ready to get help.”

“Okay.” Alex whispered, but he really had no idea what to say. 

“Go and take a few minutes, I’ll keep checking in on him.” Doctor Parsons smiled and Alex just nodded and walked out of the hospital, as the fresh air hit his face he felt his eyes water. He pulled his hood over his head and sat down on one of the benches and pulled his knees to his chest and he didn’t care that he was outside, that anyone could see him, he cried. Once he was sure it was out of his system, he checked his phone and saw no new message from Jack saying that he was awake. He phoned Lisa. He didn’t tell her everything, just that Jack had been hurt and needed some help for a few days and she assured him that she would look after the farm and the house. Despite going through their split, Alex was glad that he could still call her one of his best friends. 

He popped into the small shop and picked up a few of Jack’s favourite drinks and snacks, he found some ridiculously bright looking cereal and grabbed that too. He had no idea how Jack could eat this stuff, but it had always seemed to make him smile. And that was all that Alex wanted for his friend, to get his smile back.


	4. Chapter 4

Alex was grateful for the bed that Doctor Parsons had put in the room. It was close to Jack because of the smallness of the room, and Alex was reminded of when they were on the tour and first starting out, the small cramped hotel rooms they would share. It was always Jack and Alex, and Rian and Zack in another. 

Jack hadn’t said anything else since the police had left, Alex hadn’t asked, he didn’t want to pressure Jack into talking and he had so many questions that he needed the answers to but he knew now wasn’t the right time. Jack had picked at the chips, Alex had a feeling that he was picking at the chips more for Alex’s benefits than because he was hungry. After three or four chips, Jack had pushed the bowl away and turned back onto the bed, he didn’t face away from Alex this time, something that the older boy was grateful for. 

“You okay?” Alex had asked, and they both knew it was a stupid question. Jack shrugged, and Alex nodded slowly. “Tired?” Jack nodded. “Get some sleep, tomorrow we will go for a walk.” Jack forced a smile and with a little bit of help from Alex he got comfortable on the bed. Alex laid down on his own bed beside him. “If you need anything in the night, just wake me up okay?” 

Jack nodded again and he slowly reached his hand out and touched Alex’s arm. It was such a small and delicate touch but Alex felt it as though he was being grabbed. Alex knew that the touch was a thank you and Alex just smiled in return, he gave a little nod and curled up onto his own bed and closed his eyes. It wasn’t until his eyes were closed that he realised how exhausted he was. 

  
  


_ The club is smaller than Jack is used to, the music is loud and goes through his body and he loves that feeling. It makes him think of being on tour, being on stage and feeling the vibrations from the crowd, the guitars, the music. He smiles to himself and makes his way to the bar. He didn’t know what had possessed him to come here tonight, he wasn’t planning on meeting anyone, but he wanted a new experience.  _

_ “What can I get you?” The barman asked him, Jack looked up to the sound of his voice and smiled. Jack was comfortable with his sexuality, he liked both men and women and had been with both in the past. He wasn’t closeted, he just never really felt the need to announce his own preferences to the world. The people who needed to know knew, his bandmates and best friends never bat an eyelid when he talks about his wild one night stands and that’s all that mattered to him.  _

_ “A whiskey sour, please.” Jack smiles back. The barman nods, his eyes fixated on Jack, Alex feels a little uneasy under his gaze, his eyes are dark brown, just like his hair and he has a little stubble. He’s gorgeous.  _

_ “On the house,” He says and he hands Jack the drink. Jack raises an eyebrow, “We like to treat all new customers to a drink.”  _

_ “And how do you know I’m a new customer?” Jack hums, he picks up the glass and wraps his lips around the thin see through straw and takes a sip. It’s strong but definitely one of the best he’s had.  _

_ “I think I would have remembered seeing your face.” The barman smiles easily and Jack feels a slight blush raise in his skin. He was used to the attention, being in a successful band meant he had people coming onto him on a regular basis. But being off tour for a year now had slowed that down, and Jack had thought that had been a good thing, well, up until now. “I’m Tyler.”  _

_ “Jack…”  _

“Jack you need to wake up.” Alex’s voice cut through his dream and Jack blinked his eyes awake slowly. “You were having a bad dream.” Alex whispered and Jack looked down at the sheets that were now pushed around his legs, he shivered a little. “You cold?” Alex asked and he was adjusting the covers around him, Jack just nodded. “Here.” Alex grabbed the hoodie he had been wearing. “Can I help you put it on?” Alex asked. Jack nodded again, his whole body felt like it had been in an ice bath and as Alex helped him pull it on him and he tried his best not to flinch as Alex touched him, he hated the look in his eye as he flinched away and he looked down and wrapped the jumper around him a little. He breathed in and he smelt Alex and a rush of comfort washed through him. 

“How about I get us a cup of tea?” Alex suggested. Jack nodded slowly, a cup of tea did sound nice. “I’ll pop down to the cafe downstairs, the machine tea in the waiting room tastes like dishwater.” Jack just nodded, he pressed his lips up a little in a small smile and Alex smiled back at him. “I have my phone on me, message me okay if you need anything?” Jack nodded again and watched as Alex left the room. 

  
  


Alex made his way down to the cafeteria, he felt a little better now that he had slept. He had got six hours in before Jack had woken up from his nightmare. Alex had been surprised that Jack had been okay when he woke up, he had been thrashing around on the bed for a while and whimpering in his sleep. But he seemed okay. Alex grabbed two teas and decided to get a coffee for Doctors Parsons. Before they had gone to sleep last night, he had mentioned he was clocking off and would be back in the morning. Alex felt a little silly getting him a coffee, but he was so thankful for everything that he had done for Jack. He also grabbed some almond milk for Jack to have some of his cereal, he wouldn’t force him to eat but he hoped he would have a mouthful or two just to keep his energy up. Alex checked his phone, he had a message from Lisa just assuring him everything was fine at the house, he sent a quick one to Rian saying that he needed to talk to him. 

He wouldn’t tell him everything. It wasn’t his place. But he needed someone he could talk to about this, he needed a plan on how he could support Jack and Rian was definitely the person for that. He carried the tea and milk back up to Jack’s ward and made his way to the room. Doctor Parsons was in there. 

“Good morning,” Doctor Parsons smiled at Alex as he walked in. 

“Morning.” Alex smiled. “I erm, I got you a coffee.” He said and he felt a little awkward as he handed it over.

“Thank you.” Doctor Parsons smiled back. “I was running late this morning and didn’t get to finish mine.” Alex nodded feeling a little more at ease and put his and Jack’s teas and milk on the little table. Doctor Parsons turned back to Jack as Alex sat on the edge of his bed out of the way. 

“I’m going to prescribe you some antibiotics. I think you’re getting a little infection, you have a slight fever.” Doctor Parsons said and Alex looked a little worried. “It’s probably where your body is feeling so run down, the antibiotics will work in a day or two.” 

Jack nodded and then frowned, he pointed to the window and looked between the two men in the room hopefully. “You can still go outside.” Doctor Parsons said and Jack relaxed straight away. “Maybe Alex can help you with a shower? Or if you’d like one of the nurses to help you?” Jack pulled a face and shook his head. “Okay, well we can get you a wheelchair. I know it’s not very cool, but until you feel real steady on your legs I’d rather you stay in the chair when you’re outside.”

“We can do that.” Alex said and Jack nodded his head in agreement. 

“How’s the pain? Do you want any painkillers this morning?” Jack shook his head. “Are you feeling okay?” And Jack nodded. “Good. I’ll go and sort out the antibiotics for you. Thank you again for this.” Doctor Parsons smiled holding up the coffee towards Alex who just nodded. 

“You’re really feeling okay?” Alex checked and he moved up the bed a little so he was closer to Jack. Jack just nodded and he smiled a little and pointed to the tea and milk and raised an eyebrow. “For these.” Alex said and pulled out the cereal he had brought the day before. Jack raised an eyebrow again but took the bowl of milk and handed it to Alex who poured some of the cereals out. “It’s very blue.” Alex commented as he watched the bright coloured hoops blend in with the milk. Jack just smiled and when Alex handed him the spoon he ate slowly as Alex sipped his tea. Jack held out the spoon for Alex who shook his head. “No thanks.” Jack just smiled again and held out the spoon, “You want me to try it?” Jack just nodded and Alex moved forward and took a spoonful of the cereal and pulled a face and to his surprise Jack let out a little laugh. 

It was music to Alex’s ears. Jack had the best laugh, and hearing it now he realised just how much he had missed it. “That is horrible.” Alex laughed and Jack nodded and took a few more spoonfuls. Alex just smiled and sat back. “I have a few changes of clothes, nothing fancy but I think i threw some sweat pants in. Do you want to wear them for the walk?”

Jack nodded and bit his lip. “You want me to help you have a shower?” Alex asked and Jack looked up, his eyes showing him that that was what he had been trying to ask. “I don’t mind.” Jack just smiled and grabbed his drink and started to drink. “Whenever you’re ready.” Jack just smiled and Alex finished his tea. He grabbed the clothes from his bag and set them out on the bed, he also put his phone on charge. There was a message from Rian saying to call when he can. 

  
  


When Alex helped Jack with his shower he saw the extent to the bruises that glittered across Jack's pale skin. His back was blue and purple and he had cuts and scrapes along his hip bones, like fingernails dug in too hard. Alex tried his best not to look at the bruises, Jack had sat on the shower chair and winced as the water hit his body but after a few minutes he had seemed a little more relaxed with it. He was able to wash himself, he didn’t look at his body, not really. Alex tried his best to make light conversation, but he could see that Jack wasn’t wanting it, so he kept quiet. When Jack was finished he pulled the cord to shut off the water and Alex stood up with the dressing gown that the nurses had left for him. He helped Jack put it on and he held Jack’s arm as they made their way back into the room. The shower seemed to exhaust Jack. “How about a nap before we go outside?” Alex asked but Jack had shook his head. He was desperate to go outside. The doctor came in with the wheelchair and he redid the bandages on Jack’s ribs. 

Jack hated being in the wheelchair, he had pulled Alex’s jumper around him more and put the hood up and slouched down in it. Alex couldn’t imagine what it felt like to be pushed around like that, to not have any independence. All Alex could do was reassure Jack that it wouldn’t be forever. Alex pushed him to the little gardens, it wasn’t big, but there was a fountain and some flowers and there was no one else there. As soon as Jack was outside he took a deep breath, he looked around at the flowers and then up at Alex and his eyes were shining with tears.

“Hey, it’s okay, you don’t need to cry,” Alex crouched down beside him and Jack took his hands in his and a sob left his mouth. “Jack?” Alex breathed and Jack moved forward a little and despite the pain in his ribs he wrapped his arms around Alex and just held onto him. “It’s okay, it’s going to be okay.” Alex cooed and he gently rubbed his back, he wanted to promise him that no one would ever hurt him that he would be okay but he didn’t think that Jack would hear him over his sobs so he just held onto him. 

“I thought I was going to die.” Jack whispered and Alex felt his blood run cold and he pulled back ever so slightly, “When he...I didn’t think I…” His voice was so broken, so weak and Alex wanted to kill Tyler Jenkins for destroying his best friend. 

“I promise you Jack, I won’t ever let him hurt you again.” Alex whispered and it was a promise he was willing to die to keep. 


	5. Chapter 5

Jack didn’t talk anymore after his whispered confession. Alex had a feeling he hadn't meant to say it at all, but his emotions had taken over and Jack just simply couldn’t hold it in any longer. They stayed outside for an hour, most of which was spent with them both holding onto each other, Jack sobbed until he physically couldn’t and then he pulled back but kept his hand in Alex’s. Alex has wheeled them over to the bench beside the fountain and as soon as he sat down Jack reached his hand out and Alex linked their fingers together. 

They stayed in a comfortable silence for an hour, both just looking at the fountain until Jack signalled he wanted to go back inside. Alex was glad, though he would never have asked Jack to go in until he was ready, sitting staring at running water for an hour had started to become a little unpleasant. Jack had been feeling the same. 

Once Jack was back in his bed, Alex tucked the blankets around him a little. “Cold?” Alex asked as Jack snuggled into them more. Jack nodded and Alex grabbed the blanket from his own bed and added that to Jack to, receiving a sleepy smile from him. “I'm going to grab some things from the shop okay? I have my phone so if you need me you call okay?” Jack nodded and reached out and squeezed his hand, his motion for thank you. Alex just have a little squeeze back before heading outside. 

He pulled his phone from his pocket and dialled Rian’s number. “Hey man. What’s going on?” 

“I’m in LA.” Alex started. He found a bench and sat down. 

“Okay…” Rian was frowning, Alex could tell. 

“Jack, he's in the hospital.” Alex sighed, he hadn’t been too sure how he was going to start the conversation or what he was going to say. “He was hurt pretty bad, he came in on Thursday.” 

“Thursday? Why didn’t you say sooner? I'll be there…” 

“No, Rian. It’s… I only found out yesterday and I took the first flight. But I don’t think he will cope with everyone being around him and worrying about him.” Alex said truthfully. 

“Okay, but… I mean he’s okay right?” Rian asked and Alex could hear the worry in his voice. Jack was like a little brother to Rian and Zack. Whenever they were out drinking it was one of them that would make sure Jack was okay, he wondered if they knew anything. 

“I… Rian and what I’m going to tell you, please don’t tell Jack that I told you.” Alex whispered. 

“Alex you’re scaring me.” Rian said, his voice a little sharper. “I won’t tell.”

“Jack… he’s been in a really bad relationship.” Alex knew it sounded lame as he said it, but really what was he supposed to say, Jacks been in a secret relationship and oh yeah his partners put him in hospital multiple times and this time Jack thought he was going to kill him. 

“He told me he was seeing someone. He seemed happy.” Rian frowned and that hit Alex like a knife in the chest. 

“Did he say who?” Alex asked, trying to keep the emotions from seeping out into his voice. 

“Just someone he met at a club. But this was a few months ago. I don’t know if he’s still seeing him, I spoke to him on Tuesday and he didn’t say anything.” 

“He’s been with him for a year.” Alex said flatly. 

“And he’s the reason Jacks in the hospital?” 

“Yesh, Ri… it was bad. Jack he’s… I don’t know what to do.” Alex said honestly. 

“Just be there for him man,” Rian said honestly. “It's probably going to take a while for him to feel okay.” 

“I think I’m going to be here with him for a while.” Alex sighed. “I can’t leave him like this.” 

“Has he got any stuff?” Rian asked and Alex frowned, he hadn’t even thought of that. 

“No. He’s been wearing my clothes but I didn’t actually pack that much, but that’s fine I can go shopping.” 

“I'll call Ricky, get him to pack some stuff up.” Rian said “and I won’t tell him anything. I’ll just say he’s gone out of town and needs more than what he’s got. I’ll arrange a car to come and pick it up and drop it to the hospital.” 

“Okay. Thanks.” Alex nodded. Maybe Jack would feel a little better in his own clothes. 

“If you need anything, please call me.” Rian sighed. 

“I will.” Alex whispered. “Thanks.” 

“Anytime, and give him my love will you?”

“Always.” Alex promised and he hung the phone up. He took a long shaky breath and quickly checked his messages, nothing from Jack. He wrapped his jumper around him tighter deciding to take another few minutes outside. He wasn’t ready to go back up to the ward yet. Needing some normality he called Lisa, she asked how Jack was. Alex said he was doing better, though he wasn’t sure how true that was. He ended the call a little later and grabbed another two teas, mostly as just something extra to do. 

He expected to see Jack still asleep, but instead Jack was sat on the bed, his legs to his chest and his phone in his hand. Alex knew that the position he was sitting on would only cause his ribs to scream out in pain and he rushed in. “Jack…” 

Jack dropped the phone at the sound of Alex’s voice. 

“Jack what’s wrong?” Alex rushed forward and saw that Jack's phone was ringing. Tyler’s name flashing on the screen. “Did you answer?” Alex asked softly and Jack shook his head frantically. “Okay,” Alex whispered. “Can I shut the phone off?” Jack hesitated before nodding his head slowly. Alex reached forward and rejected the call, he frowned when he saw just how many times Tyler tried to call; 14 in the past ten minutes. He turned the phone off and put it on the side, “its okay, he isn’t going to hurt you anymore.” Alex promised and he sat at the edge of the bed. He didn’t want to touch Jack and have him freak out even more, but he needed him to know that he was close. 

To his surprise Jack leaned forward straight away, it was an awkward angle but Jack wrapped himself into Alex’s arms and just breathed him in. 

“Its okay,” Alex whispered and started to softly rock him back and forth. “It's all going to be okay.” He promised, and that’s how he stayed all night with Jack sleeping in his arms.


	6. Chapter 6

Alex woke up and for a few minutes he didn’t know where he was, he was uncomfortable, sitting at an off angle with something heavy pressed into his chest. He looked down at the familiar mop of black hair that he was starting to get used to flat and free of any products that made it stand high. Jack. Jack was clutching onto him like he was his lifeline and Alex wanted to be that for him. Looking at Jack he realised that was what had woken him up. Jack was trembling. 

It wasn’t a nightmare. 

But Jack was trembling and Alex could feel how cold he was. Feeling a little panicked, he reached around and pressed the call button. It didn’t take long before a doctor rushed in, it wasn’t Doctor Parsons but a lady, she had a mind face and tilted her head. “What's wrong?” She asked quietly. 

“He won’t stop shaking.” Alex said just as quiet, Jack was asleep and he knew sleep hadn’t been kind to his friend and wanted him to stay resting as much as possible. 

“Okay, Doctor Parsons has prescribed him antibiotics, let’s arrange for his next dose to be done as a drip, it will hit his body a little faster.” She explained. She walked over and took Jack's temperature. Other than the slight tremble he had made no move to wake up. 

The doctor frowned and that just filled Alex with an uneasy sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

“I’m going to ask for you to come and sit over here so I can just do a full check,” she said and Alex nodded his head slowly. He pulled away from Jack so delicately, his friend's body just slumping down a little. Alex bit down a lump that was in his throat. 

Throughout the examination Jack didn’t wake up, he was a little more alert, he mumbled something and pushed at the doctor's hand, but his eyes stayed mostly closed and he was out of it. Alex was reminded of Jack when he was drunk, in a matter of minutes his friend could be the life of the party to a heavy solid mess that wouldn’t wake up until forced. God, Alex missed those days. 

“Is he going to be okay?” Alex asked quietly once the doctor had finished the examination. 

“What I think is happening is the infection is hitting a little harder than originally thought, it’s not uncommon. Jack has been through a lot of trauma both physically and mentally and this is his body's way of saying that he needs help. I’m arranging for two drops, one that has nutrients just to build up his strength and the other an antibiotic. He may become a little uncomfortable with them as his arm will need to be in one position for a while. He may sleep for most of the day, again, it’s normal. He just needs time to heal.” 

Alex nodded through gritted teeth. He hated the way that she spoke to him like a child but it made sense so he just nodded again. Within ten minutes a nurse had come in and put the drips in and Alex had to look away. He wasn’t squeamish. Not really, but he didn’t want to see someone sticking needles into his friends pale skin. 

Alex curled back up on his own small bed, he pulled the thin material around him and sighed. His body was wired but his brain was telling him to sleep as much as possible. But he ever really listened to his brain. He ended up flicking through photos on his phone rereading messages from Jack trying to see if he had missed something along the way. 

He must have fallen asleep eventually because the next thing he felt was the phone vibrating on his chest. He jumped. He turned to Jack who was still asleep, he had stopped trembling, and he looked like he was finally getting some rest. 

He sat up slowly and then checked his phone. It was a message from Rian ‘call me when you can’. Alex frowned, it wasn’t like Rian to send cryptic messages like that. He got out of bed slowly, pushed his hand on his feet and wrapped his jumper around him. He wasn’t particularly cold but it was more like a comfort to him now. He left his usual note to Jack telling him he wouldn’t be long and headed downstairs to the bench that he had now claimed as his. 

He called Rian. “Hey, what’s up?” He asked and he knew he sounded rough. 

“What's wrong?” Rian asked straight away. 

“Jacks got an infection. He’s on a drip.” Alex said and he forced himself to sound a little better but it was useless. He sounded like he felt; completely terrified. “The doctors said it’s normal.” 

“Okay…” Rian didn’t sound convinced and Alex couldn’t blame him. “Listen, Ricky went to Jacks flat.” 

Alex gulped, “and?” He asked quietly. 

“It was trashed, and it looked like there was a struggle.” Rian said quietly. 

“He… okay.” Alex mumbled. He was the one shaking now. “What did you tell Ricky?”

“I mean he just assumed there had been a break in, I didn’t tell him anything. He was going to call the police but I said that Jack would do it.” Rian sighed.

“I’ll call the police officer that came to take Jack’s statement.” Alex said and reached in his pocket and fiddled with the piece of paper. 

“Listen, I know that you said not to come down. But I’ve booked a flight.” Rian said and Alex gulped. “I’m coming to make sure that you are okay. I won’t come to the hospital, you won’t even have to tell Jack that I’m here. But I need to know that you…”

“Thank you.” Alex whispered, cutting Rian off halfway through. 

“You’re okay with that?” Rian checked.

“I am.” Alex sighed. “I… I don’t know what to do, Ri. He’s… He called him fourteen times in ten minutes. Jack was a mess, I’ve never seen him like this. It’s…”

“Have you told the police about the phone calls?” Rian asked.

“No I… What if Jack doesn’t want me to?” Alex asked quietly. 

“Maybe it’s something that we can’t give him the choice with.” Rian said after a while. “We didn’t know about this for a year, now that we know, we can’t not do anything.” 

“I know.” Alex sighed and he stared at the card intently. “I’ll call them now. When do you get in?”

“Tomorrow morning.” Rian sighed. 

“Can you tell Zack? I… He deserves to know too. I don’t want Jack to hate me for telling you both, but we are family and he needs us right now.” 

“Okay, and he won’t hate you Alex. He is incapable of hating you. You’re there for a reason.” Rian whispered. Alex didn’t really know what Rian meant by that so he just stayed quiet. “Let me know what the police say once you’ve told them?”

“I will. Thanks.” Alex says and he ends the call. 

He takes a few shaky breaths and dials the number, he hesitates over the call button, it rings a few times before Selena answers. “Selena Marks, LAPD, who’s calling?” 

Alex gulps, “Hi, this is Alex...We met yesterday, it’s…”

“You are friends with Jack Barakat, we met at the hospital.” Selena finishes, and Alex starts to feel a little more at ease. “Is everything okay?”

“His apartment is trashed, our friend Ricky went to go and collect some clothes for him, and it’s trashed and he said it looks like there was a struggle.” Alex says mechanically. “Also, he… his partner, he won’t stop calling Jack, and Jack is terrified.” 

“Okay, can you give me his address?” Selena asks and Alex recites it. 

“We will go and check out the apartment and see what we can find, and I will need to come and talk to Jack again soon.”

“Jack has an infection, he’s pretty out of it right now.” Alex sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. 

“Okay, well when he can we will need to talk to him. If Jack consents we can put a restraining order out, that will mean he cannot contact him, and if he does he will face legal action.” Selena explained. 

“What about everything that he has done to him?” Alex asks. “Will he…”

“We need a full statement from Jack before we can press any charges.” Selena said gently. “These things take time.” 

“Okay,” Alex sighed and he wanted to scream. Why did this have to happen to Jack? Jack was the most loving and passionate person, there wasn’t a bad bone in his body and he would never hurt anyone. 

“I will give you a call on this number once we have been to the apartment.” 

“Okay, thank you.” Alex ended the call, he sent a text to Rian and explained everything that had been sent before he headed back up to the ward. 

Doctor Parsons was talking to a nurse but as soon as he saw Alex he ended the conversation and walked over to Alex. “Hey, how are you doing?” Doctor Parsons asked. 

“I’m okay,” Alex shrugged. “Did you see Jack?”

“I did. The drips will help, he woke up a little while ago.”

“He did?” Alex asked and his eyes shot towards the door of Jack’s room, he felt guilty for not being there when he woke up. 

“He saw your note,” He added as though he could see the guilty expression in Alex’s eyes. “He smiled a little, and curled back up with your jumper and went back to sleep.”

“He...He did?” Alex asked. 

“He did.” Doctor Parsons said softly. 

“Do you know how long he’ll be in hospital for?” Alex asks. 

“His injuries are healing nicely, but the infection could keep him in a few extra days. The times that he was here before, I tried to keep him in a little longer so that he wouldn’t go back to that environment.”

“You did?” Alex frowned, he knew that the young doctor could have gotten into a lot of trouble for doing something like that. 

“Yes” He sighed. 

“Well, I won’t be letting him go back there.” Alex said strongly. Doctor Parsons smiled at that. “I’m going to go and sit back in there.” Alex smiled and walked back into Jack’s room. He sat on his bed and wrapped the blanket around his legs and checked in with Rian again, he was glad that Rian was going to be there in the morning. 

“Lex?” Jack yawned and Alex turned and saw Jack laying down with his eyes open.

“Hey, I’m back. Are you feeling okay?” Alex asked softly, turning to face him. Jack just nodded and smiled softly, he reached his hand out and Alex took it straight away. “I’m right here, get some more sleep. You’ll feel better when you wake up.” Alex whispered, his thumb gently brushing over his knuckles. Jack just nodded his head and gave a little squeeze of his hand before closing his eyes again.


	7. Chapter 7

Alex woke up to a familiar sound but he couldn’t quite place it, he opened his eyes slowly and raised an eyebrow when he saw Jack propped up with the pillows, his phone resting against one of the tissue boxes on the hospital table and he was watching a cartoon. “Hey,” Alex said gently as he sat up and Jack turned his head and smiled at him. Alex reached for his phone to check the time, it was just gone midnight, all of the room was darkened and Alex felt almost a little cosy. 

“Did I wake you?” Jack’s voice was quiet, there was definitely something missing in his voice but Alex was just glad to hear it. 

“No,” Alex said, shaking his head, he sat up a little more and turned his head and looked at the phone. “I have my laptop, let's put it on the big screen?” 

“Okay.” Jack smiled and he pressed pause and turned the phone off. 

Alex grabbed the laptop from his bag and moved over to the table so he could place it down. “Did he phone again?” Alex asked and Jack gulped, he nodded his head. “Did you answer?”

“No.” Jack sighed and rubbed his eyes. 

“Good.” Alex said and he was so proud of him. Jack smiled back a little and closed his eyes. “You feeling okay?” Alex asked. 

“Yeah,” Jack said quietly and Alex turned and looked at him, he was still pale and his eyes looked tired, but there was something behind those chocolate eyes that told him Jack was telling the truth. 

“Good, maybe they can come and take that out of your arm soon.” Alex said and he put Netflix on and gestured for Jack to pick what he wanted to watch. Jack put on a light hearted film and Alex sat back on his bed, he propped himself on the pillows and crossed his legs. 

“Thanks,” Jack whispered and his eyes met Alex’s. 

Alex wasn’t too sure what Jack was thanking him for, but he just smiled. He wasn’t sure Jack knew himself. Was he thanking him for being there? For the laptop? For everything? All Alex knew was Jack had nothing to thank him for.

Throughout the film, Alex found himself watching Jack more than the laptop. Jack was completely engrossed in the film, it had a stupid plot, but every now and again Jack would let out a small laugh and that would make Alex feel like everything was going to be okay. Alex was starting to recognise his friend again. Alex had nodded off again during the film, he couldn’t believe how tired he was. When he woke up again Jack was curled up facing Alex, he no longer had the drip in his arm and looked a lot more comfortable. Alex stretched a little and reached over and slowly tucked the blanket around Jack’s shoulders a little. He knew that his friend slept better when his shoulders were covered. 

“Morning,” Doctor Parsons smiled as he walked in, Alex looked up and ran his fingers through his hair to try and tame it somehow.   
“Hey,” Alex smiled back. 

“He fell asleep an hour or two ago.” Doctor Parsons smiled, “He just had his drip out. His fever has gone down so we are confident that we can continue the dose of antibiotics in tablet form.” 

“That’s good.” Alex smiled. 

“We still want to keep a close eye on him though, and once he is feeling a little more steadier we will try him with some physio.” 

“Physio?” Alex frowned. 

“Just to make sure that he isn’t in pain when he moves,” Doctor Parsons explained. Alex just nodded his head again. “Why don’t you go downstairs to the cafe? Get yourself some breakfast. You need to keep your strength up as well.” 

Alex nodded his head, he needed to call Rian anyway. He left his note for Jack and wrapped the jumper around him and made his way to the cafe. As soon as he could smell the food he realised how hungry he was. He grabbed a fried breakfast and sat at the back, it was practically empty and Alex pulled his phone out. There was a text from Rian to say that he had landed and was on his way to the hospital. 

Alex was relieved that Rian would be there soon. 

He ate most of the food, scrolling aimlessly through his phone. He even went back on Tyler Jenkins profile. There was no new activity. He scrolled down to a picture of his face. He could see what Jack had been attracted to. He was good looking, charming almost. But there was something in his eyes.

Was it danger? 

Alex closed the app and sighed. 

He decided on another coffee and put a little sugar in it, he needed to talk to Jack today about his apartment, about the police but he had no idea how to tell him. But maybe Jack already knew about the apartment, if that’s where it happened then he would know what state it was left in. 

Jack always took such pride in his apartment, sharing a bedroom for most of his life at home with his older brother, and then sharing hotel rooms and the close encounters of sleeping on a tour bus for most of his adult life, Jack had never really had something to take pride in. Alex remembers when he was finally invited over to the LA apartment, Jack had said he wanted it to be perfect before anyone saw it, and now the fact that it had been trashed just made Alex angry. 

He wiped his eyes quickly and took his coffee outside. He needed some air, maybe that would sort his emotions out. He sat outside the main enterence and just waited. He didn’t think, didn’t process anything else. He just drank his coffee and waited. 

“Alex,” Rian’s voice snapped him out of his daze and he looked up at his friend who had a duffel bag slung over his shoulder and smiled at him. 

“Hey,” Alex sighed and he walked over and wrapped his arms around him in a hug.

It was then that Alec realised just how much he missed physical contact. Yes, he had a few touches here and there with Jack but it had been two days since he had had a proper hug like this. He wasn’t sure if that was what made him cry or the realisation of everything just building on top of him. But he couldn’t stop. 

Rian moved his hands up and down his back softly and just let him get it out. He could feel his own eyes watering as his best friend crumpled in his arms. 

“It's going to be okay. He’s going to be okay.” Rian said gently and Alex just nodded his head slowly. 

“He’s…” Alex didn’t know what he was going to say, but he didn’t have to. 

“I know, but it will be okay.” Rian sounded so confident, so assured in what he was saying, and Alex wished that he had that belief. 

“I should get back up to him, he was asleep when I left.” Alex sighed. 

“How is he doing? Physically I mean.” Rian asked. 

“The infection is slowing, he doesn’t have a fever any more so they are not doing the drip today. They want him to do some physio, he hasn’t really been walking much since he’s been in and they want to make sure there’s no complications.” Alex listed. 

“Okay.” Rian nodded. 

“I’m going to tell him later about his apartment. The police need to talk to him again to get a statement.” He adds. 

“If you need anything call me. I’m going to go to Ricky’s, and don’t worry I won’t tell him.” 

“Thank you.” Alex nodded.

“Do you need anything?” Rian asked. 

“Probably some clothes.” Alex sighed. 

“Okay.” Rian nodded. “Call me later and I’ll come back down, you’re not alone in this.” 

“Thanks.” Alex smiled “I’ll see you later.” 

Alec left Rian and grabbed two more coffees, and a breakfast pastry for Jack. Jack was sitting up on the bed staring at the door, as soon as he saw Alex come into view he physically relaxed. 

“Hey you,” Alex smiled and held up the coffee. 

“Hi,” Jack said softly. 

“Have you been awake long?” Alex asked and set the pastry and coffee in front of Jack. 

“Nah.” Jack shook his head. “Thanks.” He said and took a grateful sip of the coffee. “Can we go outside today?” Jack asked and Alex hated how he sounded so nervous. Jack who would before ask anything, no matter how stupid or rude it was, he was curious by nature and had never been afraid of his own voice. And even though Jack was a little more talkative, he still wasn’t himself and Alex missed him. 

“If Doctor Parsons says we can of course.” Alex nodded. 

“Thanks.” Jack smiles and he pops a bite of the pastry in his mouth. To Alex’s surprise Jack finished the pastry and other than a few chips and a few spoonfuls of cereal he hadn’t eaten much. 

“Good?” Alex smiled and he could cry, because Jack ate a whole pastry and that had to mean something. 

“Yeah.” Jack nodded and he was chewing his lip and looking down and Alex was desperate to know what he was thinking. 

“We… hey listen Jack, I need to tell you something.” Alex started and he had no idea how he was going to start this. Jack turned and looked at him, he looked terrified and Alex hated himself for starting like this. “I arranged for someone to get some clothes from your apartment for you, I wanted you to feel more comfortable…” 

“It’s trashed.” Jack mumbled. 

“You… yeah.” Alex sighed. Because of course Jack knew. “I told the police, the two that spoke to you before. They’re going to see what they can collect as evidence.” 

Jack looked down, tears in his eyes and Alex wanted to hold onto him, just like Rian had held him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. 

“Jack… it’s going to be okay,” Alex whispered and Jack blinked up at him and nodded his head slowly, he didn’t look to convinced but he reached his hand out and Alex met him halfway. 

“Lex I think I’m ready to talk to the police.” Jack whispered. 

“Yeah?” Alex asked. 

“Just… can… I want you to stay, but I don’t want you to hate me.” Jack whispered, he sounded so scared, so lost. 

“Jack, I promise you no matter what I could never ever hate you.” Alex said and he gently rubbed his thumb over Jacks knuckles. Jack just nodded and closed his eyes and Alex’s mind started to run wild, he had no idea what he was going to hear when Jack spoke to the police, but it was his turn to be terrified now.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just want to say a massive thank you to everyone who has commented, you are all fantastic and please keep them coming! 
> 
> Also, this chapter contains detailed description of violence, those parts are in italics and Jack’s memories.

Jack doesn’t say much for the rest of the day. 

Alex's head is reeling from his last sentence. He doesn’t want him to hate him. He feels sick, his mind going through different scenarios, all of which more absurd than the other. He was desperate to know what Jack was going to tell the police, and that was just to put his mind at rest. 

Surely it wasn’t going to be as bad as he thought. 

They didn’t go for a walk, Jack hadn’t mentioned it again and Alex thought maybe it would be better to go after the police spoke to Jack. Let him have a change of scenery, let him escape for a little while. 

Selena had called saying they were on their way and when Alex told Jack that the younger boy seemed to tense even more, not that Alex thought that was possible. “Can you help me go to the toilet?” Jack asked quietly and Alex nodded. 

“Of course.” Alex said and he helped him up. Alex could see why Doctor Parsons was concerned with Jack’s mobility. He was so shaky on his feet and just walking the few steps to their private bathroom made Jack breathless. Once they got to the door Jack said he would be fine and closed the door before Alex could question it. Alex moved back to his bed, he tidied it up a little and grabbed a fresh shirt, he quickly pulled it on. He needed a shower, maybe he would have one later tonight. 

He sent a text to Rian and said that the police were on their way. Rian continued to assure him that everything would be fine and his positivity was starting to annoy him, but he was still so grateful for him. He looked to the bathroom door, Jack had been in their for a while. 

“Buddy, you good?” Alex asked and he heard a little sob. “Jack…”

“One minute.” Jack called, his voice strained, he was crying. 

“Jack, can I come in?” Alex asked quietly, he didn’t get an answer but the door unlocked and Alex used that as his cue to go in. Jack was sat on the floor, his knees drawn up to his chest and he was sobbing into them.

“Jack.” Alex breathed. His chest tightening at his friend who used to be so full of life was so broken. Jack didn’t lift his head up, he couldn’t face Alex, but he moved his hand a little and held his hand out to him. “I’m here.” Alex promised and he bent down and sat beside him, he took his hand in his and wrapped an arm around him tightly. “I’ve got you, it’s okay, let it out.” Alex whispered and rocked him in his arms. 

Jack cried and cried and Alex truly didn’t think he was going to stop. 

“I’m sorry.” Jack sobbed what felt like hours later. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Alex promised and he stroked Jack’s hair so gently. 

“I fucked everything up.” Jack whispered. 

“I promise you, Jack. You have not and could never fuck everything up.” Alex said, his thumb gently brushing over his forehead. “Look at me,” Jack shook his head, “Jack, please, just look at me.” Jack slowly moved his head and looked up at him, he looked so young, he looked so vulnerable. “Things have happened, bad things, I don’t know what they were, Jack, and we can’t go back to that, but, we can move on. And I promise you I will be there.” 

“You weren’t there because I didn’t tell you.” Jack mumbled. Alex just nodded slowly. “I didn’t want you to see me like that.” 

“But I’m here now,” Alex promised. “And I am never going to leave you. The police will be here, you need to tell them what happened, and no matter what I hear from you, I will not leave. I will not think of you any less. You are my best friend and I love you.” 

Jack didn’t say anything, he just leaned forward and rested his head more into Alex’s chest and took a breath. Alex knew that there wasn’t anything more he could say right now, and he didn’t think it was enough, but for now it would have to be. 

After a few more minutes, Alex had managed to coax Jack back to the room, he helped him wash his face and comb his hair and he looked a little more alive. Jack wrapped himself in Alex’s jumper and crossed his legs on the bed, he was fiddling with the string of the waistband of his sweats and Alex couldn’t imagine how nervous Jack was right now. 

“Jack, the police are here. Can I get you any painkillers or anything?” Doctor Parsons asked and Jack shook his head but he took the antibiotics that were handed to him. “Okay, if you need anything, just let me know. I’ve told them to take this at your pace, if you want to stop you stop okay, but it’s a good thing to talk to them.” 

Jack just nodded again, he turned his head and looked at Alex who gave him what he hoped would be the most reassuring smile he could muster. “You ready?” Doctor Parsons asked and Jack didn’t know the answer to that question, but he nodded his head anyway. 

Selena and Harry walked in and they greeted them both. Alex suddenly felt so nervous for his friend, he wanted to reach out and hold his hand, but Jack was now holding his hands tight in his lap, his thumb pushing against his pressure spot on his hand, and Alex knew that was a sign of him trying to push back the nerves. 

“Jack, how are you feeling?” Selena asked and she sat on the seats opposite them. 

“Fine.” Jack shrugged, his eyes just staring at the bed. 

“Alex told you we were at your apartment?” Selena asked and Jack just nodded, he looked briefly towards Alex but then stared back at the bed. “It looked like there was quite the struggle there, do you remember what happened?” Selena asked and Jack nodded his head slowly. “Are you ready to tell me what happened?” 

Jack took a breath before nodding his head slowly. 

_ It was quiet in the apartment, Jack couldn’t remember the last time that he had been in the apartment alone. Tyler had practically moved in and it was something Jack both loved and hated. He walked over to the bedroom and picked up his acoustic and sat on the bed and started to strum some random chords. He missed music. He missed his band mates. He spoke to Rian every now and again, but Tyler didn’t really like him talking to the others. Jack had a feeling that he was threatened by Zack, and he always hated when Jack mentioned Alex’s name. Jack thought about messaging Alex, it had been a while since they had caught up properly and he wanted to know how his friend was, how was he doing with the separation from Lisa? It felt like forever since he was last there.  _

_ But he didn’t message him. Something was holding him back.  _

_ He lost himself in the music, closed his eyes and just created a little melody. He hadn’t heard Tyler come in.  _

_ “Jack?” His name was called so sharply and Jack looked up at the door.  _

_ Tyler was drunk.  _

_ He had lost his job a month ago, and he had been drinking his way through Jack’s liquor cabinet ever since. “Can you be quiet with that shit, my head is splitting.” Jack looked up at him, he moved his fingers from the strings of the guitar and then put it back on the side.  _

_ “How did the interview go?” Jack asked as Tyler moved forward and sat on the bed beside him.  _

_ “I didn’t go.” Tyler shrugged. “I just think I need a break.” He moved so that he could wrap an arm around Jack and pulled him down against him. “Spend some more time with you, yeah babe?”  _

_ “Yeah,” Jack said quietly, he could smell the alcohol on Tyler’s breath and it was something that made him feel sick.  _

_ “You don’t sound too happy about it.” Tyler frowned, his arm around Jack’s waist was like a vice and getting tighter now. “You remember what you said to me when we first started dating, that you didn’t know what you would have done if you hadn’t met me? You would be alone Jack, no one would want to be with you. So tell me, you want me to spend time here with you, don’t you?”  _

_ Jack gulped. He remembered saying that. It was their three month anniversary and Jack couldn’t even remember the last time he was with someone to say they had been together a month let alone for three. Tyler had been perfect. He sent roses after every date, told him how special he was, he had made Jack feel like a brand new person.  _

_ “I remember,” Jack whispered. “I like having you here.”  _

_ And for the most part, Jack loved having him there. He would get so lonely, and Tyler would be there to hold and to talk to. But since he had lost his job, Tyler had changed. He was moody, angry, bitter. Jack didn’t even want to think about how much money he had given him over the past month. It wasn’t something that Jack was proud of.  _

_ “Good.” Tyler said and he let go of Jack’s waist, but Jack felt instantly lonely without him holding him so he moved closer and wrapped himself around Tyler, he closed his eyes, unaware of the smirk the older man had on his face.  _

_ Tyler had fallen asleep and Jack had wanted to get up to use the toilet, he pulled himself up slowly and climbed out of the bed, he had lost his footing and fell against the bedside table, the glass falling to the wooden floors and shattering loudly. “Fuck.”  _

_ “Fucking hell can’t you be fucking quiet!” Tyler screamed, he was off the bed in an instinct standing behind Jack staring at the mess.  _

_ “Sorry I tripped.” Jack mumbled. _

_ “You tripped, it’s because you’re fucking useless.” He pushed Jack forward, the younger boy hitting his head into the unit and his face landing in the glass, he hissed as the glass scratched into his skin. He could feel the blood trailing against his cheek and he sat up a little. Tyler just stared at him. “What?” Tyler spat and Jack was shaking now.  _

_ “Get out.” Jack snapped.  _

_ “Sorry?” Tyler laughed. It was the most evil noise Jack could think of and it went straight through him.  _

_ “I said get the fuck out of my apartment!” Jack screamed and he stood up, but Tyler was quicker then he was and pinned him back down, he got his thumb and pressed it into his cheek causing Jack to kick his legs out and try and push him off of him. The kicking had taken Tyler by surprise. Jack had never fought back before and Jack used that surprise to punch him hard in the face. “I said get the hell out of my apartment.”  _

  
  


Alex had tears down his face as Jack spoke. Jack had fought back. He wanted to look at his face, to see where the glass had cut him, but his face was still so bruised and swollen. Would there be a scar when it went down? 

“After you punched him, can you remember what happened?” Selena asked. Even she sounded a little shaky as she spoke and Alex assumed that she would have heard a lot of stories similar to what Jack’s was. 

“No.” Jack breathed. “I just… I didn’t think he would stop hitting me.” Jack whispered. 

“Okay.” Selena nodded. “Do you remember being in the car?” 

“I remember being pushed out of it.” Jack whispered. “Then it just goes black again.” 

“Okay.” Selena nods and she finishes writing something down. “I’m going to file this statement and then we will have enough to bring Tyler in for questioning. We will keep you updated, but we will need a few more statements. The abuse had been going on for a while. We will need a full statement of the relationship.” 

“You…” Jack just gulped but nodded his head. 

“We will be in touch. Thank you.” Selena said and her and her partner left. 

“I’m proud of you.” Alex whispered. Jack just nodded his head slowly and stared down at the bed. “How about we go out for that walk now?” Alex asked, but Jack just shook his head which surprised Alex. 

“Can I… Can you just… Can I be alone for a while?” Jack asked and Alex felt like he had been punched in the chest. 

“Sure. I’ll… Call me okay, if you need….if you want me to come back up?” Jack just nodded and Alex grabbed his sweater and pulled it on, he walked downstairs holding his phone and found the nearest bathroom and crumpled inside. He sent a text to Rian asking him to come to the hospital and then he cried. 


	9. Chapter 9

Rian came down to the hospital as soon as Alex had messaged him. Truthfully he hadn’t wanted to leave, but he respected Jack and his privacy, and he wouldn’t intrude on that. But he was worried about Alex. Alex cared so deeply for Jack, they were inseparable when they were on tour and Rian always joked saying they were each other's better halves. They brought out a spark in one another that it was fascinating to watch. But now, with Jack in the hospital, Alex was taking it hard. He blamed himself, and Rian wished he could do or say something to make Alex realise that none of this was his fault. 

Rian waited at the entrance, and as soon as he saw Alex he wanted to cry himself. Alex’s face was red and blotchy, his eyes puffy from crying. He was holding onto his jumper as if it was a lifeline, like if he didn’t have the jumper around him he would just completely fall apart. “Alex.” Rian breathed and held his arms out. Alex ran into them, clinging to his friend who could only hold him. He knew there was no point in asking Alex what had happened, Alex wouldn’t make any sense right now and he needed him to calm down. They found a bench and sat down, Alex still holding onto Rian until he was ready to talk. 

“He asked me to leave.” Alex mumbled and Rian frowned. 

“What do you mean he asked you to leave?” Rian asked. 

“He had finished talking to the police, and I asked if he wanted to go for a walk. He had wanted to earlier and I thought it would probably be good you know, clear his head a little…”

“Yeah…” Rian frowned more. 

“But he just said he needed space and wanted me to leave,” Alex looked down, his hands were shaking. 

“He probably just needs a little space, Lex. Just to think about everything.” Rian said he was trying to calm Alex down but by the look on Alex’s face he had said the wrong thing. “How did it go with the police?” Rian asked, he wanted to change the subject a little. 

“Horrible.” Alex said, blinking up at his friend. “He… The things he said...He thought I was going to hate him, but I could never hate him.”

“Of course you don’t hate him, he knows that.” Rian assured him. 

“They are going to question Tyler.” Alex sighed. “I don’t know what will happen next.” 

“If they arrest him, then he can be charged with domestic violence and aggravated assault.” Rian explained and Alex raised an eyebrow at his friend. “Since you told me what happened, I’ve been doing a little research.” Alex shouldn’t have been surprised. Rian was thoughtful like that, he bet between him and Zack that they now had helplines and all the facts ready to support Jack through this. This only made Alex feel even more useless. “It will go to court most likely. Jack will have to testify.” 

Alex nodded slowly. He didn’t want to think about Jack sitting in a courtroom, he couldn’t imagine what that would be like. How scared he would be. Would he even be able to talk about it so openly in a room full of people? He had barely managed to talk it through with the police. Alex shook his head, he didn’t want to think about that yet, when it came to it he would, but right now all he could think about Jack, sitting alone in that hospital room. 

“He had been taking Jack’s money,” Alex sighed. “I don’t know how much, he didn’t really say, but… he was hurting him, and using him for his money.” 

Rian looked down, Jack was the most caring and supportive person. He would never see someone go without, even if it was on superficial items. How could someone take advantage of that? 

“I want to kill him.” Alex mumbled.

“Me too.” Rian said quietly. 

“We can’t let him get away with this.” Alex said strongly, his passion for his best friend shining through. 

“We won’t. But we have to trust the justice system. If we did anything, all that would mean is we can’t be there to help Jack, and he’s what’s important right now.” 

“I know.” Alex said and he knew he was snappy but he couldn’t help it. He sighed and then looked at his friend. “Sorry I…”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to apologise to me.” Rian promised. “Why don’t we go in, get something to eat? We can pick Jack up a cake or something, something ridiculously sweet.” 

“Kay,” Alex sighed, he didn’t know if food and cake was going to be such a fixer for this, but he would be glad of a little distraction. 

Jack couldn’t believe that he had been so stupid. Why had he asked Alex to leave? As soon as the older man had gone he missed him instantly. He wanted to call after him, ask him to stay with him, but he couldn’t. Something was holding him back. 

Alex would be back. That was what he kept on telling himself. Alex would be back, and it would be okay. He hadn’t said to leave him forever, but he just wanted a little space. He reached for his phone and hesitated. If he turned it on he would have missed calls from Tyler and he wasn’t ready to face that. Now now. No. Alex would be back. 

As the minutes tick by Jack starts to feel a lump in his throat, he wants to scream and sob but he holds it in. Alex would be back, that’s all he could think about. He could feel his breaths coming in hard and short and his body was trembling. He stared at his phone. He couldn’t turn it on. His hands grabbed at his wrists, nails digging in and clawing away trying to feel something other than the despair that was going through him. It stung, and that stinging sensation felt almost good. He dug harder, holding onto that feeling. He was breathing harder now, lost in his own panic it absorbed him. 

“Jack…” he could hear someone calling his name but his vision was blurry, he couldn’t make anything out. “Jack its Doctor Parsons, I need you to calm down okay.” His voice wasn’t going through to him. All Jack could think about was his desperate need for Alex. He needed his best friend to hold him and to tell him that everything was going to be okay. 

“Jack, you’re having a panic attack. It feels like you can’t breathe, but you can. I want you to try and take a deep breath for me.” How could he take a deep breath when it felt like he was suffocating? Where was Alex? “Jack, you need to try.” He thought he was trying but it only made him feel worse. “Okay, Jack. I’m going to give you an injection, it’s going to help calm you down.” 

Jack didn’t feel the prick in his arm. 

Jack didn’t feel anything. 

All Jack wanted was Alex. 

“Alex,” Jack rasped out and he could slowly feel his heart rate going back to normal, he slowly felt like he could breathe again. But he wanted Alex. 

“Hes grabbing a coffee in the cafe or outside, can you get him please?” Doctor Parsons asked one of the nurses near by who nodded her head and walked away quickly. “Jack, can I clean up your wrists please?” 

Jack frowned. What was wrong with his wrists? he looked down, he felt like his head wasn’t connected to his body. What had he been injected with? 

His wrists were red raw with some scratches deep enough to cause blood on his skin. He didn’t feel anything. The doctor cleaned them up with a wipe, it should have stung, but he was numb now. Was this what it was going to be like forever? 

Where was Alex? 

“I'll put a little bandage on them. I don’t want you to irritate the skin.” Doctor Parsons explained and Jack just nodded again. 

Where was Alex? 

“Alex?” Alex turned around at the sound of his name. He recognised the nurse calling him straight away and walked over. 

“Is Jack okay?” Alex asked desperately, as soon as he heard his name he knew in his gut that something was wrong. Something had happened to Jack. 

“I think you should come with me.” She said softly and Alex wanted to scream because why couldn’t she answer his question. All he wanted to know was if his friend was okay. Rian was right by his side as they walked up to Jacks room. 

“I've given him a mild sedative. It will wear off in an hour or so.” Doctor Parsons explained and Alex frowned. “He had a panic attack, I think he realised he had asked you to leave and thought you weren’t coming back.” 

“I'd always come back.” Alex frowned quietly and he rushed in to Jack quickly. 

Jack was almost asleep but as soon as he saw Alex his eyes opened a little more. “Back?” He whispered. 

“Ill always come back Jack. Always.” Alex promised and he didn’t wait for Jack to say he could, he sat on Jacks bed and gently wrapped his arms around him and Jack tucked his fingers under Alex’s jumper just needing to feel close to him. “I'll never leave you Jack,” Alex promised and he pressed a kiss to the top of his messy hair and held onto him. 

Rian looked at the two of them, his eyes tearing up as he saw how bruised and damaged Jack’s face was. He felt anger build inside of him and he remembered Alex’s words from earlier about wanting to kill Tyler and he wanted that to. He wanted him to suffer and burn for what he’s done but he knew he couldn’t do anything. He took a breath trying to calm himself down. His eyes met Alex who looked at him so helplessly and Rian just nodded. Alex was where he belonged holding Jack and keeping him safe from the world. And Rian made a silent promise to himself that he would do everything in his power to keep Jack safe too.


	10. Chapter 10

Alex isn’t too sure if he sleeps or not, it doesn’t really matter. He knows he closed his eyes and he holds onto the content feeling of having Jack in his arms. It’s a weird feeling, it’s something that had always been there, just never spoken about. Not really. Jack made him feel completely at ease, he could laugh, be serious, not talk, and go through all different emotions but if Jack was in the room it would be okay. They cuddled and held hands, and Jack smiled at Alex like he was the only one in the room, and that was something that Alex never wanted to change. They never spoke about it. Rian teased them, Zack always called them the cutest couple he knew. But Alex never thought of them as a couple, he couldn’t give into those thoughts. He was married, and at the time he loved Lisa with all of his heart; he saw his future with her. The farm, children, growing old. Even when he had Jack in his arms, that was something that was very real for him. And Jack never really said anything about him settling down. That was until he had spoken to the police about Tyler. How three months into the relationship he had thought he had found his forever. 

Alex couldn’t remember the last time, if ever he had heard Jack talking like that. Even when he was dating Holly years ago, he never spoke about love, it was always just fun for him. Alex couldn’t picture Jack settling down, he was so wild at heart he didn’t think anyone deserved to be able to tame it. But Jack had been happy. Before everything changed between him and Tyler; Jack had been happy. He remembers the instagram picture of them watching the sunset, of how Jack spoke to the police about him. It was love. 

“You awake?” Jack’s voice cut Alex from his thoughts and he snapped his eyes open and looked down at Jack who was still nestled into his chest. 

“Yeah, you okay?” Alex asked softly. 

“I need to pee.” Jack sighed, and Alex thought that he had waited for the last minute, because he looked so at peace. 

“Okay.” Alex smiled and he moved slowly. Jack’s body was still so tender, he hated the idea of him hurting himself. It was a slow wobbly walk to the toilet, whatever sedative they had given Jack last night had made him a little foggy and it showed in his movements. “Maybe we can go for a walk later?” Alex suggested once Jack had finished in the bathroom. 

“Maybe.” Jack nodded. 

“Or we can stay in the bed and watch some movies?” Alex suggested and Jack smiled at that one. 

“Okay,” Jack nodded. Once Jack was in the bed, Alex quickly went to the bathroom and changed his clothes, he felt a little fresher with clean clothes on but still wanted to desperately wash his hair. He pulled his beanie on and ruffled his fringe a little. It would have to do for now. He was glad that he had packed more sweats than jeans. Jack was scrolling through the laptop aimlessly and smiled once Alex reappeared. 

“Find anything good?” Alex asked as he settled back at the edge of the bed. Jack shrugged and then moved a little closer to Alex. Alex took that as a sign that Jack was okay with him being more on the bed so settled back how they were, he pressed play on a random film before he settled back into Alex’s chest, he sighed quietly, his fingers brushing against Alex’s hip bone ever so slightly. 

They stayed like that for a few hours, Alex lost track of what they were actually watching but he was just happy that Jack seemed a little more relaxed. Doctor Parsons walked in and smiled at the two of them, Alex pressed pause on the film and Jack sighed a little dejectedly. 

“Jack, how are you feeling this morning?” Doctor Parsons asked. 

“Fine,” Jack mumbled and he was looking down at the bed and Alex had a feeling he was more embarrassed than anything else. “M’Sorry…”

“Absolutely nothing to be sorry about.” Doctor Parsons assured him. “Have you had a panic attack like that before?” Jack bit his lip before nodding his head slowly. Alex frowned. He hadn’t seen Jack have one before. Jack had seen Alex have more than a few. Why hadn’t Jack told him about them? “What do you normally do when you have one?” The kind doctor asked, and Jack just shrugged. “Wait for them to finish on their own?” Jack just nodded. “That can sometimes take a few minutes, sometimes longer. I can imagine that was quite scary for you?” Jack just shrugged again and Alex hoped he would start to talk again. He had been doing so well until this was brought up. “I can give you something if you have them again, sometimes you can feel one coming on, the idea is that you would take these and it will calm the heart rate down.” 

“Propranolol?” Alex asked and Doctor Parsons nodded. 

“You’ve taken them?” Doctor Parsons asked and Jack looked up at him. 

“Yeah, they’re not too bad. They help.” Alex said for Jack’s benefit. 

Jack just nodded his head slowly. “It can be something I can prescribe for you.” Doctor Parsons said softly. “I would also like to arrange for one of my colleagues to come and talk to you.” Jack frowned and looked up at him. “He is a trained psychologist, just for you to let your feelings out.” 

“No.” Jack said firmly and Alex was surprised by his tone. 

“Are you sure? Last night you were very distressed…” 

“I said no.” Jack cut in. 

“Okay,” Doctor Parsons kept his voice soft. “It’s your decision, Can I take a look at your wrists now?” 

Alex looked down, it was the first time he had realised Jack had bandages on his wrists. Maybe he had seen them last night, but his mind had been in such a whirl, all he had focused on was holding onto Jack. Jack held his wrists up and Doctor Parsons took the bandages off slowly. They were red and had a few faint scratches on them, Alex didn’t want to think of Jack hurting himself. 

“They’re okay now, just try not to rub them.” Doctor Parsons said and he rubbed a little soothing balm onto it. Jack just nodded and once his hands were free he put them back under the covers, his hand coming to rest just under Alex’s top like he had been all night. Alex figured it was something about feeling skin to skin contact. 

“My eye is hurting.” Jack said after a while. 

“It’s still quite swollen, unfortunately other than painkillers there isn’t too much we can do. Once the swelling has gone down we will do an eye test to check that there is no damage to your vision. Can you see normally?” 

“Yeah, I guess, I just… I don’t have my glasses or my contact lenses.” Jack shrugs. 

“Well, we can arrange for you to get some glasses if that will be better for your vision. We don’t want you getting any headaches.” Doctor Parsons smiled.

“I can get yours, or arrange for Ricky to pick them up.” Alex said to Jack who looked a little tense at that but nodded his head slowly. 

“When can I go home?” Jack asked quietly.

“A few days maybe,” Doctor Parsons smiled. “We want to arrange some physio, make sure your movements are okay, and keep an eye on your ribs. And if your eyes are bothering you, we will want to make sure that’s fine too. As soon as the swelling is down, we will send you for an x-ray, if there’s any damage there we can get that fixed for you.” 

“Kay,” Jack sighed and looked up at Jack.

“I’ll be here as long as you need me.” Alex said and Jack nodded his head slowly. 

“Can we go outside?” Jack asked and Alex looked at Doctor Parsons who nodded his head. 

“As long as you promise to stop by the cafe and get some food for yourselves on the way.” 

“We can do that.” Alex said and Jack nodded his head. 

“I’ll grab the chair for you, tomorrow if you are feeling up to it I’ll have the physio team down. Or later you can practice walking around the room with Alex.” 

“Okay.” Jack nodded and Alex smiled encouragingly to his friend. 

Half an hour later they were sat by the fountain, Alex had propped his legs up against the fountain and Jack eas leaning into him a little, Alex had helped him out of the chair so that he could sit on the bench with him. It was a nice day and they both enjoyed a little silence as they took in the views. 

“I thought last night that I saw Rian.” Jack said quietly and Alex gulped. 

“You did.” Alex said simply. He couldn’t lie to his friend. “I… I called him yesterday, I just… I didn’t really know what to do.” 

“Does he know?” Jack asked quietly, and he sounded so guilty, so ashamed of himself and Alex wanted to shake him and tell him that none of this was his fault. 

“Yes,” Alex whispered and Jack sighed quietly. “Sorry I…”

“It’s okay.” Jack said. “He would have… I just don’t want anyone to think less of me.” 

“No one thinks that.” Alex said strongly and Jack just nodded leaning into him more. 

“I’m not ready to see him, please.” Jack whispered.

“That’s okay and he knows that, he’s here when you’re ready.” Alex promised and he pressed a kiss to the top of Jack’s beanie covered head. “Jack, what Parsons suggested, about you seeing someone, I think maybe it might be good for you.” Jack sighed a little more and refused for his eyes to meet up with Alex. “It helps you know. I talk to someone, his name is Andrew, he helps me work through everything that is going on in my head.” 

“You do?”

“Yeah,” Alex nodded. “I’m not saying for you to talk to someone right now, but I think it will help. I don’t want you hurting yourself or blaming yourself for any of this.” 

“I shouldn’t have stayed with him.” Jack whispered. 

“Why did you?” Alex asks. 

“I was in love with him, I… I still am.” Jack mumbles and Alex frowns because he can’t comprehend how Jack could still love someone who almost killed him. “It’s… There were these moments where i didn’t think i could ever be without him.” 

“Promise me Jack, promise me you won’t go back to him.” Alex said, his voice so pleading.

“I promise.” Jack whispered shakily and wrapped himself into him even more. 

Alex just hoped that it was a promise that Jack would keep.


	11. Chapter 11

Jack seems to be getting better, at least that’s what Alex thinks. He’s eating and talking a little more. Jack starts conversations about the little things in life, he even asks about Lisa. Alex tells him everything, that they are living apart and that a divorce will probably be in their future but they don’t want to talk about it, but truthfully Alex really is okay with it. He doesn’t think of their marriage as a failure, he thinks that it’s something he had to do, something that just didn’t work for them and really, that’s okay. Jack doesn’t talk about Tyler. And Alex is a little glad about that. He doesn’t want to hear about any more of what Jack had been through, and even if that is selfish, he just can’t. He knows that down the road, he will hear everything, but for now, he accepts the silence on the matter. 

Jack’s face is slowly starting to heal, his eyes are still swollen, but he can see a little better now. Rian had dropped his glasses and some clothes for the both of them and they felt fresh. Alex had even managed to have a shower, Jack was eating a little more, he hadn’t had any panic attacks or anything to make him feel anxious. Alex felt like he was slowly getting his Jack back. 

“We have your first physio session today,” Doctor Parsons said as he walked in. Jack sighed at that but nodded. He was fed up of being prodded and tested, he liked spending the days in the bed nestled against Alex and watching their way through Netflix. “I don’t think you’ll need that many, you have been walking to and from the bathroom and have been steadier on your feet every time.” Doctor Parsons praised and Jack just nodded again. “The first one will only be about twenty minutes or so, his name is Sam and he’ll be up shortly. Alex of course you are more than welcome to stay. And then later I’d like to talk to you about what’s going to happen when you leave here,” 

Jack frowned at that and Alex felt him tense completely at that. He was scared. Alex pressed his hand in his, giving him a little squeeze. He wanted to tell him that he was going to be okay. 

“What do you mean?” Alex asked, because he wanted to know and he had a feeling that Jack wanted to know too, he was just too scared to ask. 

“Well, we want to make sure that Jack has somewhere safe to go. That this won’t happen again.” Doctor Parsons explained, and his voice was so soft, but Alex had a feeling that it only made Jack feel like he was being patronised.

“I’ll be fine.” Jack snapped. 

“I’ll be here as long as Jack needs.” Alex said confidently, and if that meant forever then so be it. 

Jack’s head shot up at that, he had a look in his eye that Alex couldn’t quite place and he wondered if he said the wrong thing.

Doctor Parsons nodded his head, he could tell that Jack didn’t want to talk about this now, so he just nodded and left the room. “I mean it.” Alex said softly looking down at Jack. “I’ll be here as long as you need me, no matter how long.” 

“What about Poe?” Jack asked, and Alex could have laughed. Jack was worried about the goats. 

“Lisa is taking care of the farm whilst I’m away, and she has help too. So there is no rush for me to go back,” Alex said gently and Jack relaxed a little. 

“I’m scared,” Jack whispered and Alex knew there was more that Jack wanted to say, so he just held him and waited for Jack to continue, it didn’t take long. “What if the police don’t believe me? What if he comes after me? What if I’m weak and go back to him? I don’t want to break the promise I made to you.” Jack whispered.

“The police believe you Jack, there’s so much evidence against him they can’t not believe you.” Alex said and Jack nodded his head, he was hanging on to every word. “I will not let him come after you, If i had my way he would be locked up and he would never be able to hurt you, and I will help you as much as I can to make that happen.” Alex said and his thumb was gently rubbing circles into Jack’s hand. “And you are not weak Jack, you are the strongest man I know.” 

“I don’t feel very strong,” Jack whispered and he had tears in his eyes that were slowly starting to fall. 

“Oh Jacky,” Alex whispered and he pulled him closer and cradled him in his arms. 

No more words were said between them. Jack didn’t move, he just held onto Alex and tried to keep his thoughts calm. 

There was a little knock at the door, Alex looked at Jack and then waited for him to say it was okay before calling him to come in. Sam was young, he had brown hair swept over his eyes, he wore a white polo tee and black shorts. He was holding some equipment and Alex moved to the bed and opened the door for him.

“Thanks,” Sam said brightly and his eyes caught Jack and Alex and there was a moment of recognition before he smiled again. “I’m Sam, I’m one of the junior physios here. We are going to do a little walking today. How does that sound?”

“Thrilling,” Jack mumbled. 

“I know it can be a little intimidating, but you’ve been in the same position for a while and your walking has been to a minimum. All this is, is a way for your body to get used to physical excursion again.” Sam explained and he was so friendly and charming that Alex was nodding along with a smile. 

“Shall we make a start?” Alex asked and walked over to Jack and helped him up. 

“We are going to do this completely at your pace, you want to stop, you tell me.” Sam smiled and Jack just nodded his head. 

Sam had set up two long handles by the window, with the help of Alex, Jack was led to them and stood in between them holding onto them. He was already a little winded and he looked down frustrated. 

“It’s okay to feel tired right now,” Sam said softly. 

“I’m not even thirty and I can’t even walk five feet. That’s not normal.” Jack snapped and Sam’s face faltered a little but within a second he was back to smiling. 

“I broke my leg skateboarding when I was sixteen, I had my leg in a cast for six months and had to do physio for four months. I know what it’s like to feel like your body is against you, like you know how to walk, you’ve walked most of your life right? So why can’t you do it without feeling so exhausted? But it gets easier. It’s just a matter of practice.” 

That seemed to humble Jack and he nodded his head slowly and slowly walked across the bars. “You’re doing great,” Sam said proudly and Jack just nodded through gritted teeth. His chest felt like it was racing out of it’s chest and his legs were wobbling. He did it four times and it was Sam who suggested they take a break. 

“We can do some sitting down exercises after a little break,” Sam smiled once Jack was sitting down, Alex had helped him into the armchair beside the bed and Jack seemed to slump down against it. He seemed so small on the chair, he was wearing his Britney hooded jumper and his grey and white mixed sweatpants. It was an outfit Alex was so used to seeing him in on the tour bus when they were just relaxing, but now it looked like the clothes were drowning him. 

Sam busied himself writing some notes on his clipboard. Alex watched him for a second before sitting beside Jack. “You okay?”

“Tired.” Jack sighed. “After this can we go outside?” 

“Of course.” Alex smiled. 

“Thanks.” Jack nodded and he smiled up at Alex. 

Ten minutes later, Sam was going through some simple exercises for Jack to do whilst he was sitting down. Alex was surprised at how easy they were and found himself doing them alongside Jack. He didn’t feel tired from doing it, but Jack looked like he was ready to fall asleep any second. 

“I think that’s enough for today.” Sam said and Jack looked so pleased at that. 

“I will grab us the chair,” Alex said to Jack who nodded his head. 

Alex helped Sam out with his things and Sam looked at Alex. “I’m sorry that he’s… I’m a big fan of the band, and I hope he gets better soon.” 

“Thank you, Sam.” Alex smiled. 

“And don’t worry, everything is here confidential.” Sam added and Alex nodded, truthfully he hadn’t even thought about what would happen if any of this got out to the press. Not that he thought anyone would care in the news world, they weren’t that mainstream to make headlines. 

“Thank you.” Alex smiled. “I’m sorry he was snappy, he’s just…”

“I’ve had a lot worse.” Sam smiled, “Don’t worry about it.”

“Will you come again tomorrow?” Alex asked. 

“Yeah,” Sam nodded. 

“Well we will see you then.” Alex smiled warmly and Sam nodded before walking away. Alex took a breath and walked over and grabbed the wheel chair, he was just wheeling it in when his phone started to ring in his pocket. 

“Hey Ri,” Alex smiled as he answered. 

“Hey, how’s our boy doing?” Rian asked. 

“Good, he just had his first physio and he did great.” Alex said proudly as he walked in and Jack’s face lit up at the praise. Alex smiled at him and sat on the bed. 

“That’s great, tell him I said I’m proud of him.” Rian said and Alex repeated it and Jack had a little blush on his face at that. 

“Thanks,” Jack mumbled and Alex held the phone out and Jack hesitated before taking it. “Hi Ri.”

“Jack… Hey man, how you doing?” Rian asked.

“Been better, but been worse.” Jack shrugged and Alex smiled at him encouragingly. 

“You’re going to be okay bud,” Rian said and Jack just nodded his head. “I actually have a little surprise for you both.”

“You do?” Jack frowned. 

“I’ve ordered you two dinner, you’ll have it at six.” Rian hummed. 

“Okay.” Jack said a little confusion in his voice. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” Rian promised. Jack just nodded and he handed the phone back to Alex. 

“It’s me again,” Alex hummed. 

“I just told Jack I ordered you some dinner to your room, should be there for about six.” Rian explained. 

“Thanks man.” Alex smiled and raised an eyebrow at Jack who just shrugged. “We were just about to go for a walk around the hospital grounds.”

“Don’t let me keep you, I was just checking in.” Rian smiled. 

“Okay, well we will call you later.” Alex said and they said their goodbyes and ended the call. 

Alex helped Jack into the chair and they went to the fountain. It was their spot and Jack seemed so at peace there. They sat holding hands looking at the water flowing and Jack leaned in against him, his eyes closing. “Why don’t we go back to the room for a nap?” Alex asked softly. 

“Five more minutes?” Jack mumbled. 

“Okay.” Alex chuckled. 

Jack didn’t last the five minutes and had drifted into a light sleep. Alex made sure he was comfortable and after half an hour he wheeled him back inside. Thankfully Jack had woken up enough for him to get into the bed. “Dinner will be here in an hour, sleep and I will wake you up when it gets here.” 

Jack just nodded, he curled up against the bed and reached his hand out which Alex took automatically and held it before he fell asleep. 

Rian had sent a message to Alex and said that Zack had just landed, Alex tensed at that. He didn’t know what Jack’s reaction to that would be, but Zack was Jack’s best friend. He knew Zack wouldn’t be able to stay in Hawaii knowing how bad Jack was hurt. Alex sent a message saying that Jack would be able to go home soon, he had no idea what would happen next but he knew that what he said earlier was true. Alex wouldn’t leave Jack until he was ready. 

Rian had ordered them Taco Bell. Jack’s face had lit up when he saw his favourites and he had a childlike expression on his face as Alex served it out for them. They put one of their favourite movies on and if it wasn’t for the constant beeping of the monitors from the other rooms that reminded them they were in a hospital and not at home or on a tour bus somewhere. 

“This won’t change you know,” Alex whispered and Jack looked up at him. 

“Everything will change.” Jack sighed. 

“It doesn’t have to.” Alex said and Jack just sighed again. 

They had finished their food and Jack had eaten every last bite and had even taken a few of Alex’s chips. Not that Alex minded at all. Alex put all of the rubbish away and then turned his head to look at Jack who looked deep in thought, Alex didn’t want to intrude on his thoughts so pottered around a little more. He sent a text to Rian saying thanks for the food and that they had both really enjoyed it. When he turned back to Jack, the younger boy was shaking on the bed. “Jack?”

Jack looked up at him, he was trying to catch his breath and Alex knew that he was having a panic attack. “Hey, okay, it’s okay. Look at me.” Alex whispered and Jack tried, his eyes staring at him desperately. “Breathe with me. That’s it. In and out.” Alex said, holding Jack’s hands against his chest. 

It took a few minutes and Jack had calmed down and Alex wrapped him in another hug and kissed his hair. “I’ve got you. It’s okay.” Alex whispers. 

“I don’t want to go home.” Jack admitted quietly.

“You don’t want to leave the hospital? Or you don’t want to go back to the apartment?”

“The...I can’t be there. I keep seeing him in my head and… I just… Please don’t make me go back there.” Jack begged and Alex could feel his heart breaking in his chest. 

“We won’t go back there, we’ll find somewhere okay?” 

“And you promise you’ll stay?” Jack whispered.

“I promise I’ll stay.” Alex nodded.


	12. Chapter 12

It’s late when Jack wakes up screaming. Alex hadn’t quite fallen asleep, he had been texting both Rian and Zack about everything they could do to support Jack once he was out of hospital. They had conjured up a plan, making Jack a safe haven. Rian had found them a small house by the beach, Jack loved nature and he had a feeling that being near the waves would be therapeutic for him. 

Jack is shaking as he wakes up from his nightmare, sweat dripping down his body and it takes him a long time to calm down. Alex really wants to bring up him talking to someone about this, this can’t be healthy but he has to respect Jack’s decisions. If he wasn’t ready to talk, then they couldn’t push him. 

“I’m sorry,” Jack rasped out once he was calmer, he was still trembling, still so pale but he was breathing a little normal now. 

“There is absolutely nothing for you to be sorry for.” Alex promises him and he strokes his hair so softly. “You want to talk about it?” Alex asks, and deep down he wants the answer to be yes, even though he’s terrified to hear it, but mostly he’s terrified that he won’t know what to say to make it better. 

“No.” Jack sighed and ran a hand through his hair shakily. “Just… Why weren't you asleep?”

“I was just finalising things with Rian.” Alex says softly. “He found us somewhere nice to stay, do you want to see some photos?” Alex asks and Jack hesitates before nodding his head. Alex grabs his phone and shows him the pictures. “I know at the moment you haven’t been ready to see them, but Rian and Zack want to stay too, just for a while at least.” 

“Zack is here too?” Jack asks quietly. 

“We had to tell him, he would have wanted to know and to try and help.” Alex said gently and Jack just nodded his head slowly. 

“Kay,” Jack mumbles and he leans back into Alex a little more as he flicks through the photos. “It’s nice.” 

“Three bedrooms, so… we could share?” Alex says watching him closely. 

“You’re really not going to go?” Jack asks and Alex hates how vulnerable he sounds. 

“Of course I’m not going to go anywhere.” Alex says and he presses a kiss to his forehead. He has found that the little touches, and the little pecks he gives Jack on his forehead make him relax more. Jack has always been so tactile and needing touch, Alex wanted him to get used to that again. He had made his bed at the thought that he may never get his Jack back, but he would try his best to do what he can. 

“It’s nice, I… I like the water.” Jack smiles and he hands him his phone back. 

“That’s what Rian thought.” Alex smiled. Jack just nods and he curls into Alex a little more. “Going to try and get a little more sleep?” 

“Will you?” Jack asks and Alex nods, “Then okay.” Jack whispers and he holds onto him a little tighter, trying to breathe him in, but they’ve been so close the past few days he thinks they must just smell the same, but it’s comforting and he holds onto him and he lets sleep take him again. 

The door to the room opening wakes Alex up, and he’s surprised to find his head resting in Jack’s lap, Jack is sitting up flicking through the papers that Sam had left. Doctor Parsons walks in and Alex sits up, he looks out of the window and is surprised to see the sun shining. 

“Morning,” Jack smiles, and he has such a cute smile on his face like he’s trying not to laugh. 

“Hey,” Alex yawns and sits up a little more. 

“Good morning,” Doctor Parsons says in his usual chirp. “I have spoken to Sam, he is going to come up soon. He said you did so well yesterday.” 

“It didn’t feel like it.” Jack says honestly. 

“I know, but baby steps.” Doctor Parsons smiles. “Now, I know we mentioned it briefly the other day, but I was wondering if you would let me bring down my colleague I mentioned earlier. He’s in the psychiatric team. You won’t have to talk to him today, but maybe listen to what he has to offer?” 

The room felt heavy and Jack looked up at Alex who nodded his head encouragingly. “I think it’s a good idea, we can just listen to what he has to say. If you don’t want to talk, you don’t have to.” Alex said and Jack reluctantly nodded his head. 

“Thank you.” Doctor Parsons smiled. “I want to take a blood test this morning to see how the infection is going, your fever has gone and you seem much stronger in yourself.” 

“Okay.” Jack nodded. 

“I think we are looking to send you home tomorrow, if your blood tests come back okay, and Sam is confident with your progress.” 

“Okay.” Jack nodded his head slowly, he looked up at Alex who smiled at him. 

“We found a place to stay by the beach,” Alex smiled. 

“That sounds lovely.” Doctor Parsons smiled. 

“Thank you.” Jack whispered. 

“I will take the blood now yeah? Then you can start your day with some breakfast.” 

“I’m quite full.” Jack sighed. “Rian, he… He got us Taco Bell.” 

“Jack ate a lot.” Alex said proudly and looked at him. 

“Good, as long as you keep it up.” Doctor Parsons nodded. He busied himself getting the things he needed and Alex’s phone went off. 

“It’s Rian.” Alex said and he answered the call. 

“Hey Al, I’m downstairs with the stuff you asked for,”

“Thanks, I’ll be down in a second.” Alex smiled. 

“You… Tell him to come up.” Jack whispered and Alex smiled at that.

“Jack would like you to come up.” Alex said and he felt so proud of his best friend. “Okay, I will see you in a minute.” Alex ends the call and he beams up at Jack. 

“What is he bringing?” Jack asks.

“I asked him to grab a merch bundle from Ricky, Sam he’s a fan and I thought it would be nice.” Alex shrugs. 

“That’s really nice of you.” Doctor Parsons smiled. “Let’s do this before Rian comes in then.” He said and Alex turned his head away as he quickly took the blood. Jack didn’t even flinch. “All done. It will take a few hours for the results, but it’s still important for you to finish the course of antibiotics, so this is for you.” Doctor Parsons explained and handed him the tablet. Jack took it with his water and the doctor smiled at him, he really couldn’t believe the immense change in his patient and he knew it was all to do with Alex being there beside him. 

Doctor Parsons left the room just as Rian walked in. Jack looked a little nervous, he knew he needed to get used to being around other people, and he wasn’t regretting it at all, but he was still nervous. 

“Hey buddy.” Rian breathed, he walked forward and truthfully, he was just as nervous as Jack was. “How are you doing?” 

“M’okay.” Jack nodded. “I… Alex showed me the house.”

“Nice huh?” Rian smiled, and his smile was so contagious, that Jack found himself smiling too. 

“Yeah, thank you for finding it. It means a lot. And for coming. You and Zack.” Jack said, he was getting a little more confident in each word and Alex was so proud of him. 

“Zack is at the house now, he has just been shopping and is stacking up the fridge with all the favourites. There’s a BBQ too, so we can get some meat on there.” Rian said and Alex thought that he was just as excited to spend time with everyone. It has been a long time since they have all been together. Jack just nods and smiles softly, he looks at Alex who has a smile on his face too. 

Sam walks in and seeing Rian there too, he falters just a little before he smiles at them. “Hey Jack, how are you feeling today?” Sam asks. 

“Better, I can hopefully go tomorrow.” Jack says and Alex is so glad to hear that excitement has replaced the fear he earlier felt. 

“That’s awesome.” Sam says enthusiastically. “Are you ready to do a little walking on your own today?”

“No bars?” Jack asked.

“I think you can do it on your own.” Sam smiles. “You have Alex and Rian to hold onto if needed, but let’s try yeah?” Sam asked and Jack nodded. He seemed delighted that he didn’t have to use the bars, that he was finally being able to become more independent. 

“Ready.” Jack smiles and he slides off the bed a little and stands up, he’s a little bit shaky, but he manages to stand up steadily. 

“That’s it, you’re doing great.” Sam encourages. “Now if you can take a few steps towards me.” 

Jack walked slowly, the first few steps his knees buckled under himself but he managed to catch himself before he fell. Alex and Rian both rushed to his side but Jack shook his head “i can do it.” He whispered and they both back off slightly. But they both stayed close enough in case he buckled again. 

He hesitated for a minute before moving his legs slowly, he managed ten steps before he had to stop and catch his breath. “That’s fantastic,” Sam said and he sounded so excited for Jack, that even though Jack didn’t think that walking ten steps was anything to be proud of, but still with Sam’s excitement he moved forward a little more. “Take some deep breaths, and then let’s walk back to the chair.” Sam said and Jack followed his instructions. He moved back to the chair and held onto it. 

“Good job buddy.” Rian beamed and Jack looked at him a little embarrassed but smiled, his eyes found Alex who was also smiling at him. 

“Now, if you hold onto the back of the chair I want you to pick your knees up, almost like matching almost. This is to just stretch your muscles in your leg. I want you to do ten per leg every morning, lunch and evening. This will just keep your strength up.” 

“I can do that.” Jack nodded. 

“Your strength in your arms feel okay?” Sam asked. “I don’t want you to move your arms too much because it will pull on your ribs, but they are on track to be healed in a few weeks, so try not to do any heavy lifting or too much movements with your arms.” 

“Okay.” Jack nodded, he was taking everything in. 

“I will give you some information sheets to take home with you and there’s options if you feel like you need home visits we can arrange that too.” 

“Would it be you who came?” Jack asked. 

“I am one of the home visit team,” Sam nodded. 

“Cool.” Jack nodded. Alex could tell that Jack liked Sam, he was so easy to talk to and was really helping Jack engage in the activities. 

Once Jack had finished the exercises Sam had him sit down for a rest. “Don’t ever be ashamed to feel tired, there are going to be some days that it’s going to be hard and you feel like you can’t be bothered, but try not to give into that too much, okay?” 

“Okay. I’ll try.” Jack smiled. “We erm…” he gestured to Alex who scooped up the merch bundle from the bed. “We wanted to give you this, to say thanks.” 

“You…” Sam looked between them a little overwhelmed. “Thank you. I mean you didn’t need to but I mean thanks.” He grinned. 

“You’ve been really great. I don’t think I would have wanted to do any of this if it was someone else.” Jack said honestly. 

“Well I’m just glad that I could help you.” Sam smiled. 

Jack nodded and Sam wrote his notes down and then smiled up at them “I’ve signed that you don’t need any more sessions here, but like I said if you’re in discomfort or need any more the number for the team is on those leaflets.” 

“Thank you Sam.” Jack smiled. 

“Thanks.” Both Alex and Rian chirped and Sam just smiled at them before leaving the room. 

“So I guess I’m really leaving this place.” Jack said looking between Alex and Rian, there was a nervous tinge in his voice and Alex sat back beside him and took his hand in his. 

“You are, and it’s going to be okay. I promise you.” He whispered. 

Jack just nodded, he went to say something before Alex’s phone went off. Sighing, Alex reached to the table and answered, he spoke for a few minutes before looking at Jack. “Before we head to the house, they’ve asked for you to make a formal statement at the station.” 

Jack just nodded, all he could wonder was when would this nightmare be finally over?


	13. Chapter 13

The room he’s sat in is cold, he misses the clinical warmth of the hospital, and he misses Alex beside him. It’s supposed to be a family room, it’s not supposed to feel like an interrogation room. He’s sitting on an armchair, his legs tucked under himself, Alex’s jumper wrapped tightly around him. There’s a small table opposite him, a plastic flower in a too big vase and some throw cushions on the chair beside him. Selena is opposite him, and someone he hasn’t met before. Selena introduced him as Ben, he was the detective in the case. Jack felt weird having a detective assigned to him, but Rian had explained the process on the drive; not that Jack had been listening that much. 

“How are you feeling today Jack?” Selena asked. 

“Fine.” Jack shrugged, it was a lie. 

He hadn’t slept, he had lied to Alex and said he had, but he knew that Alex didn’t believe him. All night, all he could think about was this, the questions, answering them, reliving everything that he had gone through. Alex had slept. Jack had watched him. He looked so peaceful and Jack wished he could feel like that. He had a headache and his stomach was twisted. He should have eaten the breakfast roll Rian had brought for him, but just looking at the food had made him feel sick. 

“I’m just going to go through the process, at any point that you need to take a break just say.” Ben started and Jack nodded. He tried to listen, he really did. He heard Ben say today was his first official statement, depending on what they uncover on the investigation there may be more questions later, or this might be it. They were going to interview Tyler, and then would press charges. Jack just nodded numbly throughout the speech. His head was beginning to swim and he forced his eyes to stay on the stupid flower in front of him. 

Ben pressed the record button on the little tape player and Jack hated the click it made.

It was starting. 

“In your interview at the hospital you said that you met Tyler at the bar, can you describe what your initial relationship was like?” Ben asked. 

“I should really go home at some point,” Tyler sighed. Jack pouted at that, he rolled over on top of him, they were in his bed and Jack was smiling so foolishly at him. “I mean, as nice as your apartment is. I can’t keep wearing your clothes.” Tyler laughed, his hands coming to rest on Jack’s hips. 

“Well you’re not wearing clothes right now, and you seem quite happy here.” Jack smirked trailing little kisses down his neck. 

“I’m very happy here.” Tyler grinned. 

“Then what’s the problem?” Jack pouted. 

“I guess there isn’t one.” Tyler hummed and captured Jack’s face in his and kissed him possessively. All Jack could do was melt into the kiss. 

“It was amazing. We… I couldn’t get enough of him. After the first night from the bar, we were inseparable for three weeks.” Jack answered, he ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I hadn’t felt like that before.” 

“What was he like? Was he possessive?” Ben asked and Jack hated how his voice seemed so cynical, so cold. He matched the room's atmosphere to a T. 

“No, not at first. He made me feel like i was the most special person in the world to him. If he was at work he would message me throughout his shift, or he would ask me to come and sit at the bar with him.” 

“And what about when you were with your friends, what was he like then?” Jack frowned at that. He really hated it when he would message Alex. “What are you thinking?” Ben pressed. 

“He never really liked me messaging Alex.” Jack sighed. “I don;t know why. When Alex came over for a while, me and Tyler kind of went on a break.” 

“Was he angry?” Ben pressed. 

“He was jealous, he… he said we were moving too fast and we should take a break,” Jack sighed, he remembered feeling so worthless without Tyler. But then as soon as Alex was around he felt back to normal, Alex was upset about Lisa and needed a friend to go through it with, so they went out, they drank, they played video games, they wrote music, and they healed. But once Alex was gone, Jack went straight back to the bar. He had begged and begged for Tyler to take him back, and finally he did. 

“He changed, after… When we got back together, that was when he changed.” Jack whispered. 

“When was the first time he hit you?” Ben asked. 

Jack couldn’t believe he was running late, it was their five month anniversary and he was late. He had been doing an interview with a radio station and they had run over, and Jack had wanted to just hang up but he knew he couldn’t. He had messaged Tyler saying he was running later, Tyler hadn’t responded and Jack knew that he was pissed. 

He made it to the restaurant, he was half an hour later and he couldn’t see Tyler anywhere. He asked at the desk and they said they had to give the table away and Jack felt his heart sink. He called Tyler all the way to his apartment but he wasn’t answering. He rang on the bell and waited, he felt so pathetic sitting on the steps outside of his place but he needed to see Tyler. Even when it started to rain he didn’t move. An hour later Tyler walked down the street and when he saw Jack he shook his head. 

“I don’t want to see you.” Tyler snapped. 

“I’m sorry,” Jack said, he was shivering, his clothes were soaked through and he didn’t dare think about what he looked like. 

“Sorry,” Tyler scoffed and he walked up the stairs and his shoulder pushed past Jacks. He unlocked the door, Jack turned and followed him through, he shut the door behind him and Tyler was there right in his face. “Where were you?” Tyler spat.

“I had an interview, it ran late. I’m sorry.” Jack said, his heart was racing. 

He had never seen Tyler like this. 

“You’re sorry? I looked like an idiot at that place!” Tyler shouted.

“I’m sorry.” Jack said, his eyes were watering now. 

That was when it happened. He didn’t see it coming. Tyler’s hand connected with his cheek, the slapping sound ringing loudly in the small hallway. Jack brought his hand to his cheek and held it there, it felt so warm under his touch and the tears that were threatening to fall were now falling down his face. 

“Jack I…” 

“You… You hit me.” Jack mumbled. 

“I guess we both have something to be sorry about,” Tyler whispered and he pulled him into his arms and held him tightly. 

Jack could feel his chest tighten and breathing became so difficult so quickly, his hands were trembling at his sides and he tried to dig his nails into his skin to centre himself. “Jack. I need you to try and breathe.” Selena said and Jack wanted to scream. Of course he was trying to breathe, he wasn’t doing it deliberately. 

“Alex.” Jack said through gritted teeth, he could feel the two police officers looking at each other before Selena nodded. 

It felt like a very long two minutes and Jack was trembling, he felt like he was going to be sick, but as soon as Alex was in the room it was like his body immediately calmed down. Alex who had been waiting in the waiting area with Rian crouched down and cupped Jack’s face with his hands. “Hey, I’m here, breathe for me, come on, that’s it.” Alex whispered and Jack blinked his watering eyes up at him. “That’s it, you’re doing so well Jacky,” Alex breathed and Jack just nodded his head. “I have your tablets, you want one?” Alex asked and Jack nodded his head. He felt calmer, but his heart still felt like it was racing and going to beat out of his chest. Alex popped one into Jack’s mouth, the younger boy's hands were shaking so much, Alex didn’t think he would have been able to do it himself. 

“I think we need to stop for today,” Alex said looking at Ben and Selena. 

“You will have to come back Jack, we need to get this done. The more information we have the more we can charge Tyler on.” Selena explained. 

“I...I can continue.” Jack whispered. 

The tablet was starting to kick in, he still felt terrible. But his body was slowly starting to calm down, his hands were shaking but his breathing was evening out. 

“Would you prefer it if Mr Gaskarth stayed with you?” Ben asked. 

Jack wanted to say no. Jack didn’t want his best friend to hear everything, but he needed him. He knew he couldn’t do this without him. He nodded his head slowly and looked at Alex.

“Of course I’ll stay with you,” Alex promised. 

Ben looked between them before nodding his head slowly, “Will you be okay if we continue?” 

“Yeah.” Jack nodded. 

Alex moved so he was sitting beside him and he let his hand rest against Jack’s knee, he wanted his friend to feel him next to him. Jack quickly took his hand and held onto it tightly. 

They had been in there for hours and Alex was more than relieved when Ben had said they had everything and they could leave. He didn’t think there would be a time where whenever he closed his eyes he wouldn’t see Jack being hurt by this man. He couldn’t imagine how hard it had been for Jack to go over everything. 

Jack had spoken through the hospital trips, how the first time he had been pushed down the stairs and he was certain it was an accident at the time, but now he wasn’t too sure, how he had hit the corner of his head on the coffee table at the bottom and needed stitches. The second time he had been hit in the ribs over and over again. Alex remembered seeing the old bruising that littered his friend's skin. But his friend had done well. He had clutched onto Alex’s hand, answered the questions, told them what happened, and he didn’t break. Alex knew that the evening was going to be hard for them, he remembered back at the hospital the nightmares that followed any mention of Tyler. 

They were just leaving the station when Jack asked the question that had been playing on his mind, he turned to Selena and asked, “Have you spoken to him yet?” Jack’s voice was shaky when he asked. 

“Not yet,” Selena said gently, and Alex frowned, why hadn’t they pulled him in yet? They had more than enough evidence even if it was just to bring him in for questioning. “We are trying to locate him, he hasn’t been to work or his apartment.” 

“You can’t find him?” Jack gulped.

“We have officers looking for him, and if he uses any of his cards or his cell phone we will be able to find him, it’s not unusual for people to try and hide from questioning. All it will do is put more offenses to his record.” 

It was meant to be comforting to him but Jack just felt even more sick, and he didn’t think that was possible. 

“Come on, let’s get you home.” Alex whispered and he rubbed Jack’s back softly. 

Jack just nodded and walked out with Alex to the car where Rian was waiting, every time he turned his head he was sure that he could see Tyler watching his every move.


	14. Chapter 14

Zack is sitting on the porch when the car pulls up. He hadn’t seen Jack yet, Rian had told him how bad he had looked, but his face was starting to heal now but it was still badly bruised. Rian got out of the car first and opened the back door, Alex smiled at Zack and gave a little wave and then crouched down, Zack could only assume that he was talking to Jack. Rian walked to the boot and grabbed the bag, that was when Zack walked over and helped him. 

“It didn’t go well.” Rian whispered and Zack frowned. What did that mean? “I’ll tell you when we are inside.” Rian sighed and Zack just nodded and grabbed the other bag and put it by the door, when he turned around Alex had coached Jack out of the car. 

Looking at him for the first time in months, Zack could feel his heart break in his chest. He had lost so much weight, even wrapped in Alex’s jumper he could see just how weak he was. His face was still a mixture of blues and purples and Zack was glad he hadn’t seen him at the beginning. “Jack…” Zack whispered and as soon as he heard his name Jack rushed forward and launched himself into Zack’s arms. Zack was a little taken back, but he didn’t falter. He wrapped his arms around Jack’s waist and held him. “It’s going to be okay now,” Zack promised and he could feel the younger boy trembling in his arms as he broke down. “Oh Jack.” Zack whispered, he looked up at Alex who was watching the two of them, tears in his eyes threatening to fall. Zack held his hand out to Alex who shook his head, he signalled to Jack and Zack knew Alex just wanted him to comfort his friend. 

Zack led him inside and as soon as he stepped foot inside, Jack’s head turned and he was looking for Alex frantically. Alex was right behind him and as soon as Jack saw him he relaxed and held out his hand, Alex took it and gave it a little squeeze.

“Do you want a tour?” Zack asked. Jack shook his head and chewed his lip. “You want me to show you to your room, you and Alex are sharing?”

“A little nap sounds good, right Jack?” Alex guessed and Jack nodded his head slowly. “Lead the way then Zack,” 

Zack walked them down the hallway to the back room. Jack wasn’t looking where they were going, he wasn’t listening as Zack spoke about where the bathrooms were, or what they would be having for dinner. He just followed and as soon as he saw the bed all he wanted to do was curl up under the blankets and escape from the world. “I’ll leave you two then,” Zack said and he gave Jack another hug and then pulled Alex into one, “He’ll be safe now.” Zack whispered and he pressed a kiss to Alex’s forehead who nodded his head slowly. 

Jack sat at the edge of the bed and toed off his trainers. Alex was looking through the bags and pulled out some sleep pants for them both. “Probably should get a clean jumper on?” Alex asked but Jack shook his head. There was something comforting about wearing Alex’s jumper. It didn’t smell too bad and it wasn’t dirty. “Okay,” Alex smiled and he handed Jack the clean trousers. Jack changed quickly and Alex did the same, he would have a shower later he decided, but right now he just wanted to curl up in the bed with Jack and make sure that his friend was okay. 

“Those tablets can drain you a little bit,” Alex said once Jack had assumed position against his chest. He felt the younger boy shrug and he sighed quietly. Jack hadn’t said anything since they left the station. “Try and get some sleep. I promise you nothing will happen here.” Jack just nodded and forced his eyes closed. As tired as he was, he didn’t think that sleep would take him. 

Rian closed the cupboard door in the kitchen and leant against it, he had put the kettle on and was making himself and Zack a cup of tea. Zack was standing opposite him. “What happened?” He asked. 

“Jack had an anxiety attack in the station half way through his statement.” Rian explained. “So, Alex was able to sit with him for the rest. I don’t even want to think about what Jack said in there. Alex came out looking so pale like he wanted to be sick.” Rian said and busied himself adding the sugar and tea bags into the mugs. “Jack asked if they had spoken to Tyler yet.” 

“And?” Zack asked.

“They can’t find him.” Rian said and Zack frowned. What did that even mean? “I think Jack thinks that he’s going to come after him.” 

“If he does come after him he won’t get very far.” Zack said and Rian just nodded in agreement. 

Alex was surprised that Jack fell asleep so quickly, he didn’t think that it had been his plan to actually sleep, but he was exhausted. For the first three hours, Jack was peaceful. He didn’t move or make any noise, and Alex had managed to sleep too. But then the nightmares came. Jack was screaming, kicking, thrashing around the bed and Alex couldn’t wake him up. Rian and Zack ran into the room as soon as they heard him. Alex looked up at them terrified. 

“Jack,” Rian called and he crouched down beside the bed, Zack stood beside Alex and rubbed his shoulder softly. “Come on Jack, open those eyes.”

“Don’t… Don’t hurt me… I’m sorry….” Jack sobbed out, he was shaking so much. 

“You’re safe Jack, no one is ever going to hurt you again.” Alex whispered as he stroked his hair. 

Slowly, Jack opened his eyes, he was so pale and he looked up at the three of them before he tried to sit up his body wretching, he had tried to get off the bed but didn’t make it in time before he was sick over the covers. “M’sorry.” Jack mumbled, tears dripping down his face. 

“There is nothing to be sorry for.” Rian promised. 

“Let’s get you cleaned up yeah?” Alex whispered and Jack just nodded his head and followed Alex who guided him to the bathroom. 

Jack sat at the edge of the bathtub, he looked so pale and so broken and Alex grabbed a wet towel and gently cleaned around his mouth. “We’ll have to take the jumper of now Jack.” Alex whispered and Jack just nodded and pulled it over his head quickly. “I have some more jumpers here, I’ll get you another one okay?” Jack nodded and looked down at his hands. “Can you brush your teeth and I’ll go and get it?” Jack nodded again and took the toothbrush and toothpaste from Alex when he handed them to him. 

Alex walked back into the bedroom and smiled gratefully at Zack and Rian who was changing the sheets. “Thank you,” Alex whispered.

“Come on, nothing to thank us for.” Rian said and Alex shrugged. He found a jumper for Jack and looked between them. 

“I don’t know how to help him.” Alex whispered, his eyes were watering now and he blinked and they began to fall down his cheeks. Rian and Zack were there straight away and they wrapped him in their arms. 

“You are helping him,” Rian promised and Alex just shook his head. “Jack feels safe with you, Lex, believe me you are helping him so much. It might not feel like it right now, but I promise that you are.” 

“He’s right. He has always felt so safe with you,” Zack said and Alex nodded and pulled away. “But you’re not alone through this, we are both here for you.” 

Alex just nodded and wiped his eyes quickly before turning away from them and walking back to the bathroom. Jack had just finished brushing his teeth and was washing his face. “Here we are,” Alex said holding out the jumper. As soon as Jack turned to see Alex he frowned when he saw his eyes were red. “I’m okay.” Alex whispered. Jack took the jumper and as soon as he had the jumper on he wrapped his arms around Alex. “It’s okay, we will both be okay.” 

“M’sorry.” Jack whispered.

“Nothing to be sorry for, okay? Stop saying sorry.” Alex sighed and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Shall we go and watch a movie in the bed?” Jack nodded and took his hand and they walked back to the bedroom where Zack was finishing making the bed. 

“Thank you.” Jack whispered.

“It’s okay, and it’s all done.” Zack smiled and Jack walked over and squeezed his hand before sitting on the bed. Alex sat beside him. 

“We are going to watch a film,” Jack said looking up at Zack. “Join us? You and Rian.” 

“I’d love to. Let me go and grab some drinks for us, you hungry?” He asked. Jack just shook his head and Zack nodded. “Lex?” Alex shook his head as well. 

Rian and Zack walked in a little moment later with some chips and dips and a range of drinks and set them on the bed. They had hoped collecting Jack and Alex’s favourites that they both would eat something, even if it was just a little nibble. Alex put the television on and Rian and Zack squeezed on the bed, Rian beside Alex and Zack beside Jack. Jack sighed softly leaning into them all. He couldn’t believe how safe he felt. 

They watched a few movies, and Rian was pleased that both Jack and Alex had some of the crisps, and when Zack suggested they ordered a pizza Jack had asked for a meat one which he and Alex shared. Alex fell asleep first, his hand holding onto Jack’s but his head resting in against Rians shoulder, then Rian fell asleep like that too. 

“You okay?” Zack whispered looking at Jack. 

Jack just nodded, he was holding onto Alex’s hand but he was resting against Zack. 

“Tired?” Zack asked quietly and Jack shook his head. He didn’t want to fall asleep, whenever he closed his eyes all he could see was Tyler. “That’s okay, do you want to come and sit outside, watch the waves crash in?” Jack thought about it, it sounded nice, but he didn’t want to leave the comforts of the bedroom. “We can go tomorrow,” Zack said when he saw the struggle upon his friend's face. Jack nodded and turned and looked at him more. “I’m here, if you ever want to talk, or…”

“I know.” Jack whispered and Zack put on another film and Jack let himself relax, holding onto the feeling of being safe, he just hoped it was a feeling that would last.


	15. Chapter 15

Jack can’t sleep. His body feels hot and he thinks it’s because he’s pressed between his family. His best friends are sleeping beside him, he is currently tangled between Alex and Zack and he thinks maybe that’s Rian’s leg dangling over his and Alex’s. It’s comfortable, and it’s not something that’s unusual for them. They were closer than most bands. They were brothers. Best friends. And as comforting as it was for Jack, he needed some space. He wasn’t too sure how he managed to pull himself free without waking them, but he had done it. He grabbed his backpack, he knew he had some painkillers in there and some water and walked out of the room slowly. His body felt so cramped, and he was feeling a little trapped. He opened the door and as soon as he heard the ocean he felt his body relax. This really was the best place for him to be. He pulled his jumper around him more and walked down the little path and sat on the wall. It was chilly, but it felt good to feel something other than the constant pain he was in. 

He fished out the painkillers from the bag and swallowed two, he would go back inside soon. They were strong and made him feel a little drowsy and he didn’t want to fall asleep outside. He didn’t want to end back in the hospital again. He was about to put the bag down when he noticed his phone at the bottom of it. Shakily, he reached down and picked it up. He held it in his hand before turning it on. His stomach was in knots as the apple logo glowed on the screen. 

As soon as it was powered on, it felt like it was constantly on vibrate. Messages flooded in and Jack wanted to scream, because of course he knew who they were from. Something in the back of his mind was screaming at him to just throw his phone into the water, he’ll get a new one with a new number and no one would be able to bother him again. But he didn’t. He pressed the messages and gulped. There were dozens, if not more. He saw a few from Ricky just checking in and wanting to know what happened with the apartment, but Jack figured he would get to that at another time. There were a few others from his friends, some from his siblings and his stomach turned again. When had been the last time he spoke to them? He wiped his eyes quickly, he couldn’t think about that right now. 

He pressed on Tyler’s name.

**Jack, I’m sorry. Call me.**

**Please Jack i need you to call me so i know that you’re okay.**

**I panicked. I’m sorry. I love you.**

**Jack answer your fucking phone!**

**Jack, i love you so much. What happened i’m sorry. I was angry. You know i had a headache, but i’m sorry for everything. I need you jack. We are so good together. Call me when you can okay baby? I love you and i know you love me too.**

Jack wiped his eyes, he didn’t want to cry over him. He wanted to hate him. But he missed him. He knew it was stupid. He knew he should hate him, he could have killed him, but reading the last message, Jack could easily fall back into it. But he had made a promise to Alex. He wouldn’t do that. He couldn’t. 

There were another ten messages from Tyler all similar and Jack sighed, he didn’t want to read them. He continued to go through the messages and frowned when he saw a number he didn’t recognise. He clicked on it. 

**You’re going to regret what you did Jack. You know all of this was your fault. You made me fall in love with you. You made me hurt you. If you don’t drop the charges against me Jack you’ll regret it even more. He’ll never love you Jack. Not like i do. And if you don’t make it so the police leave me alone, he’ll never get the chance.**

The phone dropped from his hands and Jack felt like he was going to be sick. Despite it having no name he knew exactly who the message was from and his hands were shaking. He turned the phone off quickly and threw it back into the bag. Tyler was threatening Alex. Of course he was talking about Alex, there was no one else he could be talking about. 

Jack would never let Alex get hurt. 

Jack would do anything and everything he could to protect him. 

He climbed off the wall and walked back into the house. He felt too open outside. Earlier he had felt trapped inside, but that was what he needed right now. To feel like nothing could get in and hurt him. Like nothing could get in and hurt Alex. He locked the door behind him, threw his bag in the corner of the room and then walked to the bathroom. 

He tried the breathing exercises Doctor Parsons had taught him back at the hospital. He remembered laughing as the kind doctor showed him ways to overcome panic attacks, he thought this was what pregnant women did in labour, but he could feel it helping, even if it was only a little bit. 

His head was spinning. He knew what he had to do, but he also knew that Alex, Zack and Rian would be angry with him, but it would be worth it. Jack knew Tyler was more than capable of hurting Alex, and no matter how his friends thought of his decision he couldn’t let that happen. He splashed some water on his face and sighed, he looked a mess. The swelling had only worsened the bruises around his eye, and he could see the red line where the glass had been dug into his cheek. Doctor Parsons had said that he was surprised it hadn’t damaged his cheek bone or caused any lasting effects. Though Jack knew it would scar. 

Slowly, he walked out of the bathroom and to the main area of the house. He saw what he needed straight away, a blue folder which Alex had collected all the papers from the hospital and the police in. Jack often teased Alex about how organised he was, but this was something he was glad of now. He found the card that Selena had left for them, he stared at the number on the piece of paper and knew straight away what he needed to do. 

  
  
  


Alex woke with a start. Rian was pressed into his side and Zack was at the other side of him, his leg almost touching Alex’s, and despite being in the bed with the two of them he still felt cold. Something was missing. He sat up quickly and climbed over Rian, not caring if he kicked him in the process of not. He had to find Jack. He pushed down the panic that was building inside of him. It was early, maybe Jack had got up to use the bathroom. Maybe he was hungry. 

But all Alex could think was that he had left. Jack had gone back to Tyler, or worse, Tyler had taken him. The bathroom was empty and Alex padded quicker down the hall, there were no lights on but Alex heard the sound of the television and his heart started to relax a little. Walking further into the room Alex spotted Jack’s messy black hair on the arm of the sofa, he was laying down in somewhat of an awkward angle, but he was asleep. Relaxing a little at the sight of him, Alex went to the small kitchen and started to make a coffee. It was still early, but he had a feeling inside of his chest that it was going to be a long day. 

Jack woke up to the noise of the shower running. His back ached from falling asleep on the sofa, he didn’t remember laying down to fall asleep but he was glad he had managed to get some. He smelt coffee and smiled, only Alex would put coffee on this early. Zack and Rian would have gone for a run first. He walked to the kitchen and poured himself a mug and then walked back to the front room, he stared blankly at the television for a few minutes as he sipped his drink. He hated taking the painkillers, the following morning he always felt weird. He must have been staring into space for a while because when Alex sat down beside him he jumped. 

“Sorry,” Alex said quickly. He had called Jack’s name as he walked in but his friend hadn’t responded, he hadn’t meant to make him jump.

“Hey,” Jack said and tilted his head looking at him. “Sorry, I was out of it.” 

“Are you okay?” Alex asked, concern dripping in his voice. Jack wondered if it was always going to be like this. If every little thing he did was going to be under a microscope, or if his friends would ever stop worrying so much. 

“Just a little groggy. I took some painkillers last night and they just make me feel funny, you know?” Jack shrugged. 

“You should have woken me up.” Alex said softly. 

“You looked very peaceful, drooling all over Rian’s shoulder.” Jack teased and Alex rolled his eyes. 

“But you know, if you did...you can wake me up.” Alex said, and Jack nodded with a small smile.

“I know Lex.” Jack whispered, he looked at his best friend and he was reminded of the texts from last night and his stomach felt sick once again. 

“What is it?” Alex frowned, because he knew something had happened, it was written all over Jack’s face. 

“Nothing, I’m just tired.” Jack sighs and he looks down, staring into his cup. Alex wants to ask him again, but he knows better. “I think I’m going to have a shower.” 

“Do you want any help?” Alex asks, remembering when Jack was at the hospital and how just walking to the shower had drained him. 

“I think I’ll be okay, but if i need help I’ll shout okay?” Jack says, and Alex feels like it’s a comment to reassure himself more than Jack, but he nods. If Jack needed help he would call. 

“Okay.” Alex nods and he watches as Jack gets up slowly and retreats from the room. His movements are slow and Alex knows that he’s in pain, knows that he needs to keep on track of his physio but he doesn’t say anything not yet. 

Instead, he busies himself in the kitchen and starts to make some breakfast for everyone. Rian hadn’t been lying when he said Zack had stocked up on well, pretty much everything. Alex was just starting on the breakfast waffles when there was a knock at the door. He frowned, they weren’t expecting anyone. In fact, he was pretty sure that no one knew that they were there. He checked everything was turned off in the kitchen and walked to the door. 

“Selena?” Alex frowned, what was the police doing here. 

“Good morning Alex, sorry to just drop in, but i had a voicemail last night from Jack and I wanted to come in and see him before I went to the station.” She explained and Alex frowned, he was so confused. 

“What message?” Alex asked. 

“He called at about one in the morning, said that he wants to drop all of the charges against Tyler.” Selena sighed. 

“He did what?” Alex frowned. “Why…” 

“What’s going on?” Rian asked as he walked out of the bedroom, Zack trailing behind him. 

Alex looked between them, anger evident on his face, he couldn’t understand why Jack had done this. “Jack dropped the charges against Tyler.” Alex sighed, running a hand through his hair. He was right earlier; today was going to be a long day. 


	16. Chapter 16

Having a shower was harder than he thought it would be. His body still ached and at one point he had almost lost his balance and fell. He had been tempted to call for Alex, but he needed some time to breathe. He pulled on his sweats and one of Alex’s jumpers. His friend's scent was so familiar to him, it made him feel so comforted. But it also made him miss him, which was weird; Alex was in the other room. He would be with him soon, but he still felt a thousand miles away. Feeling the need to be near his friend he walked to the room that he had left him in and gulped when he saw Rian, Zack and Alex all sat on the sofa staring at him. 

“What the hell Jack?” Alex snapped, he didn’t realise how angry he was until he actually saw him. Jack gulped staring between the three of them. He could see the anger in his eyes, he could feel his heart start to race in his chest and his hands start to shake. He tried to speak but no words would come out. “How could you drop the charges against him?” Alex said, his voice was still loud, still making Jack tremble. He stood up and Jack moved back. “You dropped the charges, after everything he did to you.” Alex said, his head shaking in disbelief. 

“Alex....” It was Zack who stood up now, he could see how terrified Jack looked, could see how angry Alex was. 

“No. How could he do this?” Alex shouted and Jack backed up a little more, his back hitting against the wall and he felt completely trapped. 

“Alex, calm down.” Zack hissed and that brought Alex back down to reality.

“Jack… I…” 

Jack couldn’t see straight, his eyes were blurring and the room was spinning. Rian was up in a flash and by Jack’s side, “It’s okay, calm down, it’s okay.” Rian rambled. He really didn’t know what to say, the only person that could help was Alex and he seemed to be in his own panic. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Alex said quickly and he rushed forward to Jack, but the younger boy flinched away from him causing Alex to stand there frozen. “I… I’m not going to hurt you.” 

Jack looked between them, he felt so overwhelmed. Alex was shouting. Alex wouldn’t hurt him. Alex was angry. “Jack, you need to breathe with me.” It was Zack’s voice that got through to him, he found the brown eyes staring at him and he focused on them. “That’s it. In and out, that’s it.” Zack said. “Shall we sit down? You’re shaking and we don’t want you to fall down.” Zack’s voice was so soft and Jack found himself nodding his head, “We’ll sit on the sofa yeah?” Jack nodded again and Zack helped him over to it, he couldn’t believe just how shaky he was. If Zack didn’t help he was sure he would have fallen to the floor. 

“Jack I’m sorry for shouting.” Alex whispered and Jack blinked up at his friend and nodded his head slowly. “You know I would never ever hurt you.” Alex whispered and he sat on the sofa, he didn’t sit right beside his friend, as much as he wanted to wrap his arms around him and hold him tight, he knew Jack needed to find his trust in him again. 

Jack took a second before nodding his head and he tried to force a smile but was certain it didn’t come out as one. He looked down, fiddling with his fingers and he felt so stupid. Because of course they would find out that he dropped the charges, of course they would be angry; of course Alex would be angry. He didn’t expect anything less, but seeing just how angry they were made his heart ache. 

“Can you tell us why you dropped the charges?” Zack asked, he was sitting on the floor in front of him, Rian sat beside him and Alex on the other side. Jack felt safe. Despite how much he knew he had disappointed him, he knew that his friends were his family and he wouldn’t disappoint them. 

“I…” Jack took a deep breath, he looked at Alex and all he could think about was how much Tyler had hurt him, and how he never wanted that man to touch Alex. 

“You spoke to Tyler.” Alex guessed and the look that crossed Jack’s face was enough to show them that they were right. “Jack if he’s threatened you…”

“He didn’t.” Jack mumbled. 

“Then why buddy? You can’t let him get away with this,” Zack whispered. 

Jack gulped and looked at Alex again, his hands were beginning to shake again and Alex reached his hands out to him which Jack took quickly. 

“He didn’t threaten me, he threatened you.” Jack said looking at Alex who frowned. “Said if I didn't drop the charges then he would hurt you, and I… I couldn’t have him hurt you.” 

“Jack,” Alex whispered, his eyes were watering. Jack dropped the charges because of him. Because he was scared Tyler was going to hurt him. “Look at me please,” Alex whispered and slowly Jack’s eyes made his way to him. “I promise you, Tyler will never ever hurt me, we have Zack and Rian and you know if Tyler was to come anywhere near you, or me, they would have him in a heartbeat.” Alex said, his thumb finding it’s way to Jack’s cheek where he began rubbing little circles against it. “I promise you, no one will hurt you or me ever.”

“And if there is evidence that Tyler threatened Alex, that can be added to the charges,” Rian said softly. 

“I don’t know.” Jack mumbled. 

“Okay, that’s okay. Selena said she’s going to come by this evening after her shift.” 

“Why?” Jack frowned, panic in his voice again. 

“Just to make sure that you are okay,” Alex said, and he knew that she wanted to convince Jack not to drop the charges. Jack nodded and moved a little closer to Alex, the older boy using that to wrap an arm around him and pull him close. “Tired?” Alex whispered and Jack nodded his head slowly. “Want to go to the bedroom or lay here for a little bit?” 

“Stay here.” Jack whispered. 

“I’m going to grab breakfast,” Rian said and Zack nodded saying that he was going to help him and they walked into the kitchen. 

“I’m so sorry.” Alex whispered against Jack’s hair. 

“What for?” Jack frowned, because really what did Alex have to be sorry about. 

“I’m sorry for shouting, I was just… I was just scared for you,” Alex explained and Jack nodded his head slowly. 

“I’m sorry for… I should have spoken to you… I was… I just… I want to forget all of this happened, I want to just… I want to be me again, Alex.” 

“I promise you that is going to happen.” Alex assured him, “But if you drop the charges, if you don’t pursue this, then that means everything he has done to you he is going to get away with it, and I can’t make you do it, but please think about it.” 

“I’ll think about it.” Jack nodded and he moved so his head was laying in Alex’s lap and he closed his eyes. 

Alex watched him and started to play with his hair, knowing it was something that soothed him. He watched as his friend relaxed in his lap and he just hoped that he would make the right decision.


	17. Chapter 17

Jack stayed sleeping for most of the day, Alex was too anxious to sleep. Though he had told Jack that he wasn’t worried about what Tyler but there was something in his gut that told him that he should be. Tyler had hurt Jack so much over the past year, there was no denying that he was strong and a threat. But Jack had to continue with the charges. Alex would never forgive himself for being the reason that he was free. 

“You have to eat,” Zack said as he pushed the sandwich he had made for Alex forward. Alex sighed, he hadn’t moved from the sofa. Jack was still nestled in his lap and Rian had draped a blanket over the two of them. Alex nodded and picked up the sandwich and broke away the crusts and began to eat slowly. He wasn’t hungry, but he knew Zack was right. He needed to eat and keep his strength up. Jack needed him to be strong for him. 

“Selena will be here soon, we should wake him up, get him to eat and make sure he’s okay.” Rian said, he was just as anxious as Alex was about it, but there was no way he would let Tyler get away with any of this. 

“Yeah,” Alex nodded his head slowly. He knew that Rian was right, but Jack seemed so peaceful, for once he wasn’t being tormented by nightmares and there seemed to be a content look on his face. “Five more minutes.” 

Rian nodded and sighed to himself, he knew none of this would be easy, but he hated how cut up his friends were. 

Jack didn’t need five more minutes, within two he sat up slowly and stretched. Zack was reminded of a kitten the way he moved his arms and legs, only the kitten wouldn’t curse as it pulled on sore and tense muscles. “Are you in pain?” Rian asked. 

“No, just stiff.” Jack sighed. 

“You haven’t done many of your exercises.” Rian added and Jack just shrugged. “We can do some tonight.” Jack just nodded, he hated being fussed over and was beginning to feel overwhelmed by it. 

“I was thinking of getting the BBQ going tonight, fancy it?” Zack asked. Jack knew that he was trying to change the subject, to give him a distraction, something he enjoyed and something he could look forward to. He nodded his head slowly, the smile from Zack was worth it. 

“Then we can watch some films?” Rian added, he knew what Zack had done and it seemed to be working. 

Jack nodded again and looked up at Alex who was staring somewhat into space. Jack knew how hard this was for his friend, he almost wished he had given Rian’s information instead, but he knew deep down he wouldn’t have opened up if it wasn’t for Alex. He looked down at his selfish thoughts. “Movie and food sound good Al?” Rian asked.

“Huh? Yeah that sounds good.” Alex nods turning to Jack and sending him a smile. “Only if we get to pick the film right Jack?” It wasn’t a forced enthusiasm, but Jack knew it wasn’t one hundred percent there, he nodded again. Maybe he would talk to Alex later about it, but he wasn’t too sure if he was ready to hear what Alex was thinking. Again, he was being selfish. 

“Selena will be here in a minute, would you like us two to step out?” Zack asked and Jack was so grateful that Zack had suggested it. He didn’t think he would have been able to ask his friends to leave. He nodded his head and Zack smiled, “We can get the barbeque started,” Zack smiled giving Rian’s shoulder a little nudge. Rian frowned, he didn’t want to step out, he wanted to be there to hear that Jack wasn’t going to drop the charges, to make sure that the jerk got everything he deserved. But Jack didn’t want them there, and he had to respect it, even if it was something he didn’t like. 

“How about I make you a cup of tea?” Alex asked and Jack wanted to scream. 

“I can do it.” Jack said and he stood up slowly, he wished his body would cooperate with his brain. Every moment felt so raw. Maybe Zack was right, he really did need to try and continue the exercises, especially if he wanted to prove to his friends that he could do things on his own. Maybe he would call for Sam to come out. Finally in the kitchen he took a moment to breathe. He hated being away from Alex, it was this feeling he couldn’t describe. When Alex was beside him he felt safe. He almost wished he had taken his hand and pulled him into the kitchen too, but he didn’t want Alex to worry. He was making tea, he could do this without holding his hand through it. 

He put the water to boil and set out four mugs, he knew exactly how everyone had their drinks. Rian who would never have tea, was given his blue striped mug with two spoonfuls of coffee and a sweetener, Zack had a green mug and Jack added a herbal tea bag, Alex liked his sweeter, he put a spoonful of sugar and a classic Earl Grey. Jack made his the same as Alex’s. He poured the water and used the brewing time to think. 

Was he going to keep the charges? Alex’s words had been a comfort to him, but it didn’t make him any less scared. He would talk to Selena, he would listen to what she said, and then he would think about it. He found a small tray and put the mugs onto it. It was a slow walk back to the living room, every now and again the tea would splash onto the tray and he was reminded of just how weak and useless he was. How Tyler had made him. He felt a surge of something rush through him, anger, resentment. Tyler had broken him to the point that he struggled carrying a tray of mugs without spilling them. 

“Jack…” Alex’s voice was so soft and as soon as Jack’s eyes met his he felt the tears on his cheeks. Rian helped him take the tray and he and Zack took their mugs and walked out of the room. “Talk to me?” Alex whispered. 

“I can’t even carry a tray without feeling useless.” Jack mumbled and he sat down next to Alex, his knees coming to his chest, and though it was still an uncomfortable position because of the pain in his ribs, it was one that comforted him. If he could just make himself small, if he could just hold himself and curl up and no one would see him, no one would hurt him. 

“You’re not useless,” Alex whispered and he moved beside him and gently pulled Jack into his arms, he didn’t move his legs as much as he wanted to, he just let Jack curl up into his side. “You are strong, you are going to get through this. You are not useless Jack, you’re not.” Alex repeated and Jack wished he could believe everything that Alex said. Jack didn’t say anything, he really didn’t know what to say, but slowly he moved away just a little so they could both reach for their mugs. 

“You’re good at making tea,” Alex hummed. “Every time Rian and Zack even attempt to make it, it’s either too weak or too strong.” Alex commented and Jack’s eyes lit up. He liked the tea that he made for him. Even though it was just tea, it still made him feel good. 

“I’m glad you like it,” Jack whispered. Alex just smiles and takes another sip, he sees the little light in Jack’s eyes at the compliment and his heart clenched in his chest. Just how bad had Tyler treated him that a silly compliment over tea had caused a spark in him? He made a mental note to keep saying more little things like this to him, none of them lies, but he was determined for Jack to see just how amazing he really was. 

They don’t talk as they drink their tea, Jack feels comfortable with the silence and Alex just keeps checking to make sure his friend is okay. It’s the ringing of the doorbell that makes Jack jump and Alex rubs his shoulder softly, “It’s Selena,” Alex whispers and Jack just nods, that doesn’t really make him feel better. 

Rian leads Selena in and she smiles so encouragingly at Jack, and to his surprise she has a box of donuts in her hand. “Thought you could do with some extra sugar,” She smiles.

“This feels very cliched of you,” Jack comments and they are all surprised at the comment. It’s such a Jack thing for him to say and maybe he still is in there somewhere. 

“Don’t tell anybody it’s all true.” Selena smiles and she sits opposite them so comfortably and tilts her head at Jack. “How are you doing?” She asks.

“Adjusting.” Jack answers truthfully and Alex is so proud of him. 

“I was surprised when I received your voicemail.” Selena starts and Jack looks down. “It can be scary, to move forward with the charges, it’s a long process, and many people stop before it really begins.” Alex frowns, was this supposed to be helping Jack? Why was she telling him this? “But do you know what happens to the people who don’t stop, they get to see the person who hurt them, the person who caused them so much pain both physically and emotionally get locked up. They get that peace of mind knowing that they’re not going to be hurt by them again, that no one else would be hurt by them ever again.” 

“You can’t promise me that.” Jack sighs. 

“You’re right, there isn’t a one hundred percent certainty with any case and I am not going to lie to you. But your case is strong Jack. We have his fingerprints in your apartment, we have video footage of him dropping you off at the hospital and your phone records. When we catch him, and we will, we have enough for him to face jail time.” 

“If he… If I press the charges what if he gets out and comes after me?” Jack asks quietly.

“We will have orders in place, like restraining orders, if he was to breach them he would face going back to prison.” Selena explained calmly. 

Jack nodded his head slowly, he could feel a little migraine coming on. Why was this all so complicated? Why had he gotten himself into this mess? He looked down and sighed. “He threatened Alex.” He mumbled. 

“You spoke to him?” Selena checked.

“Through messages.” Jack sighed. He stood up slowly and grabbed his phone, he turned it on, not surprised to hear the messages come through, but he didn’t check them, just unlocked it so Selena could see. She went through the messages and sighed, she shook her head and looked at Jack. 

“This is why you called me?” Selena asked softly and Jack just nodded. “I promise you Jack, I will do everything I can to make it that he will never hurt you, or Alex.” 

“Just don’t want him to hurt Alex.” Jack mumbled. “That was why… I’m sorry.”

“Jack, there is nothing to be sorry for.” Selena assured him. “I didn’t file your call. The charges are still there, All we need is for you to go to the station, share this officially with Ben, and we can get him.” 

“But you don’t know where he is.” Jack sighed. 

“But we will find him.” Selena said, her voice was so strong and confident that Jack found himself nodding his head, of course he had to believe her. “Please, Jack. Will you let me take you to the station tomorrow morning? Get this done?”

“Okay.” Jack whispered. 

“Okay?” Selena checked and Jack nodded his head slowly. “Thank you.”

“Thank you,” Alex whispered to the police officer who just smiled so brightly at him. 

“I can come and pick you up at about ten tomorrow morning, how does that sound?” Selena asked. 

“Scary, but… Good, it sounds good.” Jack nodded and Alex didn’t think he had ever been more proud of his friend. 

“We are about to put some steaks on the grill if you want to stay for dinner?” Alex asked. 

“I would love to but I have to relieve the babysitter.” Selena smiled.

“You have a child?” Jack asked.

“I do, she’s four, her name is Amy.” Selena smiled. 

“Then you should get home,” Jack whispered, guilt flooding through him. He had taken Selena away from her daughter. 

“Jack, it’s perfectly okay.” Selena promised him. “I will see you at ten.” She gives his shoulder a little squeeze and smiles at Alex before heading out. 

“I’m proud of you.” Alex whispers and Jack just sighs and curls back into his arms. “I’ll come with you tomorrow, every step of the way through this I’m going to be there okay?”

“Kay.” Jack whispers and he looks up at his friend staring down at him, and he doesn’t know why he does it, but he leans up and presses the chastes of kisses to the corner of Alex’s lips before settling back into his chest and he just holds onto him, scared that he was to let go then Alex would disappear forever. 

It goes okay at the station. Alex isn’t allowed in, but Jack is wearing one of his jumpers and Alex sprayed it with his favourite aftershave and it smells a little more like him today and that gives Jack the strength he needs. He doesn’t cry, his hands shake the entire way through and he feels like he’s going to be sick, but he refuses to cry. Once it’s over he walks out to Alex who wraps his arms around him straight away and whispers how proud he is of him in his ear. Selena walks them out of the station and to her car, she had arranged to drive them back home and Jack is more than grateful for her. They drive back to the beach house, Alex and Selena chat comfortably about her daughter and Jack just listens, he feels like a weight had been lifted from his chest and he knows none of this is over, but he feels like it’s a good first step that he’s made. 

As they turn down their road, none of them notice the car that had been following them from the station or the handsome dark haired man that was driving it.


	18. Chapter 18

Alex is sitting on the sofa with Jack, they have the television on and it’s so calm. Rian and Zack are at the beach, Alex just assumed they wanted to give Jack some space, he was glad that his friends were so understanding. He could see that Jack was doing better, but sometimes when everyone was around him it was overwhelming. They had gotten back from the station a little while ago, Jack had asked to just watch a movie and relax, Alex had made them some hot chocolate and they were just enjoying the moment. 

“I’m proud of you,” Alex whispered as he ran a hand through Jack’s hair softly. Jack frowned and looked up at him. “You did so well today, I’m just really proud of you.” 

“Thank you.” Jack whispered, he curled up against him a little more. He was feeling tired, it had been a long morning and he was glad for the peace and quiet. He just hoped now everything could start to slowly fall back into some sort of normality. Though he didn’t really know what his normal would be from now on, a little part of him was excited to find out. Alex just smiled and wrapped an arm around him a little more. Within a few minutes Jack had fallen into a light sleep and Alex was glad that he was finally getting some peace, he didn’t stop playing with his hair and he just closed his eyes and breathed. Everything was going to be okay from now on, he was sure of it. 

Alex woke up to the sound of tapping on the door, he frowned, he hadn’t meant to have fallen asleep but he had been so relaxed just sitting with Jack. Slowly, Alex moved and Jack made a little noise and blinked his eyes open. Alex couldn’t help but think of how cute Jack looked as he woke up. “Getting the door. They must have forgotten their key.” Alex sighed and Jack nodded slowly and moved to a sitting up position. Alex walked to the front door and opened it, he had expected to see Rian and Zack standing there and he was ready with a witty retort about them disturbing them, but what he hadn’t expected to see was Tyler. He quickly tried to push the door closed but Tyler pushed his hand in the way and pushed the door hard.

“You need to get the hell out.” Alex growled. 

“You really think you can make me?” Tyler laughed and Alex wanted to be sick, it was the evilest sound he had heard, and the stench of alcohol dripping from his breath made his stomach twist. “You think that he’ll want you now? I broke him. He’ll be too scared to even look at you the way you want him to!” Tyler shouted and pushed Alex back, his words had caught him off guard and he buckled back a little.

“Alex…” Jack’s voice snapped Alex back to reality.

“Call Selena Jack and stay in there!” Alex shouted.

“Is that my Jack?” Tyler smirked and pushed forward but Alex stepped in front of him. “Get out of my way. Now.” 

“No. You’re not going to hurt him.” Alex snapped and he used all of his strength to push him back. Alex knew that the only reason Tyler fell backwards was because of how drunk he was. 

“Alex…” Jack whispered shakily, he had his phone in his hand and Alex could hear Selena’s voice on the other end telling them she was on her way. 

“There you are.” Tyler growled. “I knew you would run to him!” 

“You won’t hurt him!” Jack said, he was shaking, Alex could see the phone trembling in his hand. 

“I’ll kill him.” Tyler smirked. “You won’t have any one left. He won’t want you, you’re soiled goods. The things we did Jack… You know when he finds out, he won’t…”

“Shut up!” Jack screamed and Tyler laughed back in response. 

Tyler moved forward, he had such anger and hatred in his eyes. “Who to get first?” He smirked looking between them. 

“The police are on their way, you won’t get away with any of this.” Alex said he moved closer to Jack. 

“You think so?” Tyler laughed and in one quick movement he had pushed forward and was right in front of Alex’s face. “No one stopped me before, not even you. You’re telling me you didn’t think something was wrong with Jacky? He never answered your messages, never called you. How replaceable you must be to him, all I had to do was distract him and he forgot all about you…” 

“That’s not true!” Jack said, he would never forget about Alex. 

“Shut up!” Tyler spat and he raised his fist hitting Jack in his face making him fall back. “You know he would never love you, not like I do…”

“You never loved me!” Jack said, his hands holding onto his face, his head was spinning but he refused to give into the pain. 

“You’re right. I never loved you, you were just an easy fuck, someone to screw because I was bored. Someone who gave me money, drinks, drugs, anything I wanted, and boy didn’t i get you to do a lot. I wonder what your band would think when they find out, your management wouldn’t want someone like you…”

“Shut up!” Alex shouted, he could see how Tyler’s words were affecting Jack and he needed him to stop.

“You don’t talk to me.” Tyler screamed, he advanced so quickly towards Alex that Alex didn’t realise what had happened until his head had hit the floor with a sickening thud. Tyler was on top of him, his fist connecting with Alex’s jaw and he could taste the metallic tang of blood. 

“Get off him!” Jack shouted, his voice was so loud that it startled Tyler and gave Jack the chance to push him off him. Jack ignored the pain in his ribs and his spinning head, all he could think about was getting Tyler off of his friend. He ended up rolling on the floor with Tyler, legs and hands kicking out. 

That’s when he felt it. 

Something sharp pushed into his stomach and the pain was unbearable, he let out a scream and tried to kick Tyler off of him, but his body was pinned down. 

Alex stood up shakily, he looked around frantically and without really thinking he grabbed a glass vase by the door and picked it up, smashing it over Tyler’s head with as much force as he could. The glass shattered in his hand but it worked; Tyler fell off of Jack and lay unconscious beside him. 

That was when Alex saw the blood.

Saw the blade in Tyler’s hand. 

“Jack…” Alex bent down and pressed his hand to Jack’s wound, he watched enough medical dramas to know he needed to put pressure on top of it. “Jack, talk to me, you need to stay awake. Please.”

“Lex…” Jack whispered his eyes forcing open, Alex was so fuzzy, he was nothing but a big blur. 

“I’m here, I’m here.” Alex promised.

He heard movement behind him and he turned his head and saw Rian and Zack rushing in, he heard the sirens and wanted to scream, what had taken them so damn long. Zack was already calling an ambulance and Rian had kicked the knife away from Tyler’s hand and was by Jack’s side.

“Lex…” Jack sobbed out. 

“Shh, you’re going to be okay.” Alex promised.

“I… I love you.” Jack managed to get out before his world went black.


	19. Chapter 19

“Alex, please, you need to let me check you over.” It was Doctor Parsons' voice that snapped Alex out of his daze. He was staring at his hands, they were stained red with blood. Jack’s blood. He fisted them together and blinked his eyes up at the kind doctor who had helped Jack so much. 

“I’m fine,” Alex whispered. 

“You have a nasty bruise forming on your head, I want to check you over to make sure you haven’t got any damage.” Doctor Parsons said, his voice a little firmer now. “Jack will be out of surgery soon and I know you’ll want to sit with him when he wakes up, so let’s get you checked over now.” 

“What if he doesn’t wake up?” Alex asked looking up at him, his eyes so desperate for answers. 

“Jack is strong, he is a fighter, he will wake up.” Doctor Parsons said gently, “And when he does, I don’t want him angry at me that I haven’t checked you over.” 

“Fine,” Alex mumbled and turned his head to Rian who had a hand on his shoulder, he hadn’t left his side the whole time. Zack had to stay back at the house with the police but he had promised as soon as they were finished he would be there. 

“I’m right here.” Rian said, standing up with Alex. 

“What if they call us to say Jack is awake?” Alex asked in a panic. 

“They will call me, they know you are with me.” Doctor Parsons said softly and Alex blinked up at him and nodded his head slowly. “Good, come on.” Doctor Parsons placed a hand on his arm and helped him up. Alex was grateful that he had him and Rian either side of him, as soon as he stood up he felt the earth spin around him and if it wasn’t for Rian he would have fallen back down. 

They made it into a private room and Alex was grateful for the bed he was placed on, “I feel sick.” Alex mumbled and that was all the warning he gave before he leaned forward and vomited on the floor and to his dismay, Rian’s shoes. 

“M’sorry,” Alex mumbled.

“Don’t be. These are Zack’s.” Rian says gently and he turns his head away. 

Being in a band, being on the road and drinking as much as they used to, he’s seen his fair share of vomit from his friends. But this is different, this isn’t sick because of drinking, this was because Alex was hurt; Alex had a massive blow to the head and not only that but Rian knew he was terrified of what had happened. 

“You have definitely got a concussion.” Doctor Parsons explained, “I’m going to shine a light at the back of your eyes to check for any damage, and I’d like you to have a scan…”

“I’m fine.” Alex mumbled.

“My shoes, well Zack’s shoes state otherwise.” Rian says gently and he rubs Alex’s back softly. He hopes that it’s a calming motion but Alex just sighs. “Jack will still be a little while, have the scan, let us know that you are okay and then we can all be okay for Jack.”

“He saved my life,” Alex says looking down. 

“He did?” Rian asked, Alex hadn’t really mentioned anything. Rian knew that Alex was in shock, and both he and Zack were blaming themselves for not being there. They had just thought Jack would need some space after coming back from the station, Alex had even sent them a text to say thanks. 

“Tyler had me on the floor, he punched me, and then Jack pushed him off of me, that was when he… I didn’t see the knife.” Alex looks down, his eyes watering and tears falling down his cheeks. Rian pulled him close and just held him. He looked at the doctor who nodded his head, Alex needed this right now. Rian rocked him a little, he didn’t say anything; what was there to say? It took almost half an hour for Alex to let it all out. 

“Can we do the scan now Lex?” Rian asked softly.

“Can you check on Jack first?” Alex asked quietly, his eyes pleading with the doctor.

“Of course.” Doctor Parsons smiled softly at them both before walking out of the room. 

“He’s going to be okay, he’s a fighter.” Rian promised.

“Said he loves me.” Alex whispered.

“And he does, with all of his heart.” 

“Tyler was saying such weird things Ri, about how I would never love him, and how Jack wouldn’t be able to… I just need him to be okay.” 

“And he will be.” Rian said strongly, he knew that Alex probably didn’t understand what he was saying, his head had taken a nasty hit to the floor and with the shock of what happened everything must be so confusing for him. 

Doctor Parsons walked in and smiled softly, “Jack is doing just fine, he is still in surgery, the knife did catch his spleen, it’s not big and they are fixing it now.” 

“Wait… Your spleen that’s….” Alex frowned, his head racing even more now. 

“He is going to be okay, they will finish within the hour and then he will wake up in a couple more.” Doctor Parsons said softly. “So we have plenty of time to go and get that scan of your head done, right?”

“I guess.” Alex nodded and looked up at Rian. “Can… Can Rian come in with me?”

“Not in the actual room, but he can be with me, he’ll have a microphone so he can talk to you.” 

“Okay.” Alex whispered shakily and Rian gave him one of his beaming smiles in return. 

Alex had concussion, all of his scans had come back fine and Doctor Parsons had arranged for a bed to be put in the room with Jack’s. He knew that neither would want to be apart from each other, and he also had a feeling that Alex was sinking further and further into shock. “Drink this,” Doctor Parsons smiled and handed Alex a mug.

“Is it hot chocolate?” Alex frowned.

“Yes, a sugary one at that.” He smiled and he also handed one to Rian who raised an eyebrow but thanked him. Alex took a sip, he pulled a face at the overly sweet taste but sipped it more. It was hot and it was nice. 

“You said that Jack would be out of surgery, it’s been over an hour.” Alex sighed. 

“Sometimes it just takes a little longer, but he’ll be out soon. Your room is already set up.”

“Is your shift ending?” Alex asked, he liked the kind doctor and he knew that Jack did too. 

“I’m doing a double shift tonight.” 

“You are?” Alex smiled.

“Yes, I mean, with the two of you in here, and you an actual patient this time… I think they need as many hands on deck.” He winked and Alex let out a little smile at that. 

“There’s Zack,” Rian said pointing to the door, Doctor Parsons walked over and let him into the room they were in and Zack smiled.

“Hey, how are you doing?” Zack asked looking at Alex.

“Got concussion.” Alex shrugs. “The knife hit Jack’s spleen.”

“But he’s going to be fine.” Rian added quickly.

“Has he come out of surgery yet?” Zack asked sitting beside Alex.

“No.” Alex mumbled miserably. 

Another Doctor walked in the room and immediately started to talk to Doctor Parsons, as soon as Alex heard Jack’s name he stood up and walked over. “Jack.. he’s my… Jack is he okay?” 

“He is out of surgery, he did really well. We fixed the rupture in his spleen, we are confident that it won’t cause him any damage, but it is something we want to monitor over the next few weeks.”

“But he’s going to wake up and he’s going to be okay?” Alex asked quickly.

“He should wake up in a few hours, though sometimes it takes a little longer. With what Jack has been through I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t wake up completely until the morning, his body and his mind needs the rest.” 

“I...My bed it’s next to his?” Alex asked Doctor Parsons who nodded. “Can we go now?”

“Of course.” Doctor Parsons smiled. 

Alex walked over to Rian and Zack, “We can go and sit with him. You… You two are going to stay right?”

“Of course we are.” Rian nodded along with Zack. 

“Good. Okay, Jack needs us.” Alex picked up his hot chocolate and followed Doctor Parsons to Jack’s room. He needed to see him, needed to make sure that his friend really was okay.


	20. Chapter 20

It’s not a peaceful night sleep by any means, the nurses come in every hour to check on Alex. Rian thinks that it has to be a good thing that they are not checking on Jack as much, he’s attached to a monitor and here’s a steady heart rate and the beeps are oddly comforting. Rian and Zack are sitting on armchairs, their legs propped against Alex’s bed. Alex doesn’t sleep, he keeps looking at Jack and going over everything that happened. His head hurts and he knows he needs to sleep, but he can’t. When he sees Jack open his eyes, when he sees Jack move or talk or smile, then he will sleep. 

That doesn’t happen until the sun is up and Alex had fallen asleep against the pillow, his hand holding onto Jack’s naturally. “I’m going to grab some coffee,” Zack sighed as he sat up, his bones were stiff from sitting in the chair so long. 

“Grab one for me too,” Rian said and he sat up a little more, Zack just nodded before walking out of the room. 

The slight noise must have been loud enough for Jack because he blinked his eyes open slowly. “A-Alex?” He mumbled.

“Jack,” Rian stood up quickly and rushed around to Jack’s side of the bed. “Try not to move,”

“Alex.” Jack repeated and then he felt Alex’s hand in his and his body relaxed a little.

“He’s sleeping, he’s going to be pissed that he was asleep when you woke up.” Rian said trying to make light of the situation. “How are you feeling buddy?”

“I… Time is it?” Jack frowned. 

“Just gone nine, you’ve been asleep about fifteen hours.” Rian said crouching down so Jack didn’t have to strain to look up at him. “You remember what happened?”

“Tyler… Alex… Alex is he okay?” 

“Jack.” Alex’s voice was just as groggy as Jack’s when he woke up. “Jack.” Alex said again, sitting up quickly. 

“I’m here,” Jack said, turning his head. “You’re okay?”

“Me? I’m fine.” Alex said looking at Jack, his eyes scanning over his body quickly, he needed to see his chest rise and fall, needed to see that there wasn’t any blood. Needed to just see him. “Are you okay? Are you in any pain? Should I call…” 

“Im okay.” Jack said trying to put a little force into his voice but it still sounded so weak. “Thirsty.” 

“Let me get you something,” Alex says and goes to sit up but Rian shakes his head. 

“I've got it.” Rian said, gesturing for Alex to stay on the bed. He grabbed the jug of water from the side and poured it into the glass and helped Jack drink it. “Better?” Rian checked and Jack nodded his head and closed his eyes. 

“Jack… are you…” 

“I’m okay, i’m just a little tired.” Jack said and he blinked his eyes open and turned to Alex. “You promise me that you are okay?” Jack asked, his eyes boring into Alex’s soul. 

“Jack, I’m okay. You… if you hadn’t…” he sucks his lip, the reality of it hitting him hard. 

If Jack hadn’t pushed Tyler off him then Tyler would have stabbed Alex. And who knows what would have happened to Jack after? 

He felt his body tremble and he looked down. 

“I couldn’t watch him hurt you,” Jack whispered, he reached out and tried to pull Alex close but the movement caused him to wince in pain. 

“I’m going to tell the doctors that you are awake,” Rian said. “Please try not to move.” 

Jack just nodded and Alex scooted as close as he could to Jack and held his arms out and Jack moved against him, his head nestling into his shoulder. “I’m so sorry,” Jack mumbled.

“Jack, what are you saying sorry for?” Alex frowned. 

“If I… If I wasn’t so useless, he… he would never have… and you wouldn’t have got hurt.” Jack whispered, tears pouring down his cheeks. 

“Jack you need to listen to me.” Alex said, sitting up on his knees being as careful as he could not to rock Jack. “You are not useless, none of this is your fault. You trusted him, you fell in love and he betrayed that. He should never have hit you, let alone everything else he did. None of this is because of you.” Alex breathed, he could feel his own heart racing, but he was desperate for his friend to believe him. How could he even think this was his fault. “You’re perfect Jack, you’re kind and funny and you have such a big heart. None of this should ever have happened to you,” 

Jack blinked up at Alex, he wanted to believe him. He really did, but his head was beginning to ache and he felt a little sick. 

“Good morning Jack, Alex, how are you two feeling?” Doctor Parsons voice snapped Jack from his trance and somehow looking up at the doctor, remembering being in the hospital so many times was enough to push him over the edge. His body trembled as he sobbed and he felt Alex lean in closer and he didn’t care about this hissing pain that pulled at the stitches in his stomach he just needed to feel him around him. 

No one said anything, Zack had come back with the coffees and frowned a little when he saw the sobbing boys on the beds, but they were both awake, they were both okay, that was enough for him. Rian gestured for them to wait outside and Doctor Parsons joined them. They waited a few minutes before the kind Doctor walked back in. 

“I can only imagine how overwhelming this is for you, Jack,” He said softly and he sat at the edge of the bed. Jack turned his head a little to look at him. “But he’s locked up now. The police will come in a little later, but I wanted you to know that, they have him and you are safe now.” 

“You’re safe Jack.” Alex whispered, he pressed a little kiss to his forehead and played with his hair. “I promise you no one will ever hurt you ever again.” 

Jack just nodded, his hands fisting into Alex’s shirt. 

“I need to check on your stitches, run a few tests, is that okay?” Doctor Parsons asked. Jack just nodded again and he looked at Alex desperately “Alex is of course okay to stay with you.” That relaxed Jack somewhat. “Alex, how is your head?”

“I feel fine.” Alex shrugged and it wasn’t a lie. He could hardly feel the pain and maybe that was because he was so concerned about Jack, but he felt okay.

“If anything changes, you’ll let me know.” 

“Of course.” Alex nodded, he slowly moved back from Jack but made sure that his hand was clasped in his. 

Doctor Parsons examined the wound and nodded his head, “The stitches have pulled a little, we may have to redo them, but let’s see if we can just keep still as much as possible. I’ll add a few sterile stitches, like mini plasters to keep them together for now.” 

“It hurts,” Jack winces. 

“I’m going to give you some painkillers, and you’ll also be on some antibiotics again just to reduce the risk of infection.” 

“How long do I have to be here?” Jack asked quietly.

“A week at least,” The doctor said honestly. 

“I’ll be right here.” Alex promised and Jack just nodded. 

“I’ll get those tablets for you, and then I’ll come and check on you.”

“Thank you,” Jack whispered and leaned into Alex more, all he wanted to do was close his eyes and put this nightmare behind him.


	21. Chapter 21

Jack had to stay in the hospital for two weeks, and it was the longest two weeks of everyone's lives. Alex had refused to move from his side and no one expected anything different. Jack had caught an infection, it had come on so quickly. One minute he was fine, then he was complaining that he was hot, suddenly he was burning up and his body was shivering. He had been put on a strong antibiotic drip, which only made him more sick. It had been a miserable week for everyone involved. The stitches had been redone but Doctor Parsons was insistent that it was healing nicely and if Jack kept his movements to a minimum and didn’t pull them that it wouldn’t leave too much of a scar. Jack didn’t care about scars, his body was still one big bruise, though his eye was almost healed, he had a scar on his cheek bone from the glass Tyler had pushed inside. Alex was doing better, he didn’t want to leave Jack for too long on his own and Rian and Zack understood that, though both of them were worried that the two were becoming far too dependent on one another. It was understandable, Jack had been through a lot, Alex was his anchor and helped him through it all. And Alex constantly needed to be next to Jack, he never mothered him, never fussed, but he was just there, a constant presence that just eased him. 

Which was why Alex was a mess right now. 

“Alex, can you stop.” Rian sighed, they were sat outside a small room, and Alex was feeling empty without Jack beside him. “He’s been in there for ten minutes and you are going to kick a hole in the floor if you keep tapping your foot like that.” Rian said lightly and Alex sighed and looked at him. “He’s going to be okay.” 

“But he really didn’t want to talk to anyone,” Alex sighed. 

“I know, but Doctor Parsons said as part of his discharge forms he needed to have at least one session with the team psychiatrist.” Rian explained. “And I think it will be good for him.” 

“I think it will be too, but you can’t force it.” Alex mumbled. He knew before he had been telling Jack to talk to someone, he knew deep down that it really would be the best thing for Jack, but he also knew that forcing it wouldn’t help. 

“All Jack has to do is listen,” Rian said, he kept his voice gentle. Talking to Alex was like walking on glass, one wrong word he knew that it would shatter. “If he doesn’t like what he says then he doesn’t have to go back.” 

“I know.” Alex nodded. “I know.” He repeated. 

“Have you thought about giving your therapist a call? You’ve been through a lot, maybe you should talk to him about it?” 

“I will, I have been emailing him.” Alex said honestly. 

“And it’s helping?” Rian asked. 

“A little.” He shrugged. “I just feel so useless.”

“You are really not useless, Alex.” Rian said strongly. “You are the reason that Jack is okay, you are the reason that he’s talking, that he pressed the charges in the first place.” 

“I promised him that I would never let him hurt him.” Alex whispered, and that sentence broke him. Tears poured down his cheeks and Rian pulled him into his arms and just held him, he rocked him back and forth and just held him. He knew that Alex had been holding this in for a long time. 

“You didn’t know that Tyler was going to come to the beach house, you didn’t know he had a knife. None of this was your fault, no one could have stopped this Alex, you have to believe me when I say that,” Rian said and Alex just nodded and wiped his eyes quickly. “Tomorrow, when Sam comes for his house visit, please call your therapist, get an appointment. Don’t bottle this up, okay?” 

“Okay.” Alex nodded. “You’ll stay with Jack?”

“Of course, me and Zack will be there, and if you need me there for you, Zack will be able to handle Jack.” Rian said and kept his arms around Alex. 

“Thanks.” Alex whispered and he rested his head against Rian’s shoulder and just sighed, his eyes were boring onto the door just willing it to open. 

“Jack, you’ve been here for almost an hour and you haven’t said anything.” Jason, the clinical therapist said. He was patient, but Jack just couldn’t bring himself to talk. Doctor Parsons had brought him down here to talk to Jason as part of his discharge process. He wouldn't be able to leave the hospital until he had seen him. Jack understood why, it made sense, he wanted to talk to someone, his brain was so full and he needed someone to help clear it, but he wasn’t ready. 

He hadn’t been able to find those words so he had just nodded and he stayed quiet. 

Jason seemed nice enough. He explained what his role was, he was there for Jack to talk to, for Jack to let out his fears and everything he was holding in out, for him to help him process it. And that was what Jack so desperately wanted and needed, but he just couldn’t find the words. 

“I don’t want to patronise you and tell you that it’s normal, that you are in shock and I’ll be here when you’re ready to talk.” Jason started. “Though that is all true, but I do want to reassure you that once you start talking you will feel better. Not instantly, perhaps you might feel worse for bringing the memories to surface, but it will help you move forward from it. To heal.” 

“I know.” Jack sighed and Jason nodded, watching him. “I just really don’t know what to say. My head feels like it wants to explode.” 

“You write songs right? You and your friends, you’re in a band?” Jason asked and Jack raised an eyebrow at that. 

“I don’t write… Alex, he mostly writes the songs.” Jack answered. 

“Alex is your best friend?” Jason asked. Doctor Parsons had mentioned their bond, explained how close they were. If he wanted to get Jack to talk, he was certain he would talk about him. 

“He… Yes, he’s my best friend.” Jack said slowly.

It felt juvenile, best friend. That didn’t really cut it to what Alex was to him. He was more than that. Jack really didn’t think he would be there today if it wasn’t for Alex. 

“Well, what I want you to do is write your feelings down. It can be just angry words, scribbled, or you could turn it into verses of a song. I’ll never ask to see them, but keeping a journal will help clear your mind a little.” 

“I… Okay.” Jack nodded, he could do that. It even sounded like a good idea. 

“I just so happen to have some in my drawer.” Jason smiled and pulled out three, “What colour would you like?” Jack stared at the journals and rolled his eyes, he wasn’t a child, he didn’t want to pick a colour book as a reward.

“Purple.” He shrugged, he really didn’t care, but the black one seemed so final to him. So he picked purple. Alex liked purple; but that wasn’t the reason he picked it. 

Jason handed him the journal and Jack flicked his thumb over the edges slightly and sighed. 

“Your hour is up, what are you going to do now that you can go home?” Jason asked. 

“I just want to sleep.” Jack answered truthfully. 

“It’s been quite a hard couple of weeks, you’ll probably feel tired for a while.” Jason nodded. 

“Yeah, I know.” Jack sighed, he didn’t mean to be snappy, but it had come out that way and he just nodded his head slowly. “Sorry…”

“Don’t be sorry, It’s what I am here for.” Jason nodded. “Now, I’m going to book you an appointment for next week. If you want to cancel it, you can, but I really would like you to come back.” 

“I…” Jack gulped. Could he come back. Could he come back and talk to Jason about this? 

“Don’t make the decision now.” Jason said and he stood up and slowly Jack did too. 

“Thank you.” Jack whispered and when Jason opened the door the first thing he saw was Alex and he breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Jack… Are you okay?” Alex asked quickly, he stood up and was at the door in a flash. 

“I just want to go home.” Jack whispered and Alex nodded his head and looked at Rian. 

“Then let’s go home.” Rian smiled.


	22. Chapter 22

Zack is waiting at the house for them, he had bleached the floor. Any sign of blood or a struggle was gone. It had made him physically sick, scrubbing away at Jack’s blood on the floor until his hands were red raw. But he couldn’t have Jack or Alex see it. Hell, he didn’t even want to see it. The police had Tyler in custody, there was more than enough evidence to charge him for assault and attempted murder. That was what he had tried to do. He had tried to kill Jack. Maybe Alex too. Zack shook his head, he couldn’t think about it. The car pulled up and Zack tried not to think about how this was all too familiar. Wasn’t this how he felt when Jack came home from the hospital the first time? 

Rian got out of the car first, then Alex and Jack. Zack smiled and walked forward, “Hey,” He greeted and Jack smiled broadly at him. They had been together every day at the hospital, but seeing him out and about made his heart skip a beat. His friend was going to be okay. 

“Hey,” Jack smiled back and he automatically linked his fingers with Alex and they walked towards the house. 

“You good?” Zack asked, because even though Jack was smiling he knew his friend could hide a lot behind it. He’s had a lot of practice in it after all. 

“I will be.” Jack says and Zack is surprised by his honesty but he nods. “I’m kinda beat, I know all we’ve been doing for the past couple of days is lounging and watching movies but do you think maybe we can all sit on the bed and watch something?” He sounds nervous, like they will say no to him, and Zack wants to shake him because of course they would never say no to anything Jack wants. 

“That sounds like a good idea.” Alex smiles, “I just want to grab a shower first.”

“You… Okay.” Jack nods. 

“But you and Zack can pick the film and Rian can make us the snacks, and then I’ll be ready.” Alex says and Jack nods again. He knows it’s silly, but he doesn’t want to be apart from Alex right now, even if it is only for a five minute shower. Alex seems to sense that, “Let’s get in the bedroom first yeah?”

“Yeah,” Jack whispers and he looks down. Alex gives his hand another squeeze and leads him into the house. They avoid the kitchen area, neither of them are ready to even step in there and go straight for the back bedroom. 

“If you want, I’ll shower later.” Alex says gently and Jack looks up at him, his eyes shining with unshed tears and Alex instantly pulls him into a hug as Jack starts to sob. Alex feels like he should be used to this sound by now, he has heard Jack crying more over the past month then ever in his life, but he hates the sound. He wishes that there was nothing to make Jack sad. He knows that Jack doesn’t need him to say anything, so he just rocks him as best as he can on the bed. 

“I’m being stupid,” Jack mumbles once the crying had died down. 

“You are not,” Alex says and strokes his thumb over the tear tracks on his cheeks.   
“I should be able to be ten minutes without you.” Jack sighs and Alex selfishly likes that Jack can’t be without him, and he files that away to hate himself for another time. “I’ll be okay with Rian and Zack, we won’t start watching the film till you’re here.”

“You sure?” Alex checks, and it’s not that he feels dirty, but he just wants to wash the hospital from his skin. He wants to feel somewhat normal and relax and maybe Jack would feel better once he has a shower too. 

“I’m sure.” Jack nods and he pulls away ever so slightly. 

“I’ll get Zack yeah?” Alex asks and Jack nods his head. 

Alex doesn’t look back, he just walks out of the room quickly. He finds Zack and Rian talking in the hallway and tells Zack to go in with Jack which he does straight away. “You good man?” Rian checks.

“Yeah.” Alex nods and he rubs the back of his neck and he wonders if he really is good. “I just wanted a few minutes, you know? And I just want to feel less gross.” 

“I get it.” Rian smiles and he pats Alex’s shoulder softly. “I’m going to put some pizzas on, but if you need me call me.”

“Okay.” Alex nods and he walks to the bathroom and as soon as the door is closed he finally closes his eyes and breathes. 

Jack can feel Zack snoring against his side, he can hear Rian too and he rolls his eyes. Why couldn’t sleep come so easily to him? He turns to where Alex is laying perfectly awake beside him, he has his eyes closed but Jack knows that he isn’t sleeping. His chest isn’t rising evenly yet. 

“Jack?” Alex whispers and of course Alex knows when he wants something because his eyes open and he smiles softly at him. 

The evening had been nice. Alex had his shower and joined them on the bed for Rian’s burnt pizza and snacks. They ended up watching the back to the future trilogy which Rian had complained the whole way through about not understanding the plot to which Jack had just laughed and told him to just sit back and enjoy it. Alex had a feeling that if it was himself or Zack to have told him to shut up then Rian would have bitched even more. 

“I can’t sleep.” Jack mumbled.

“Same.” Alex said honestly. “Shall we go to the front room?”

“Okay.” Jack nods slowly. Alex gets out of bed first and Jack manages to pull away from Zack and follows him slowly out of the room. From somewhere Alex grabs a couple of blankets and he sits them on the sofa.   
“You want to talk about anything?” Alex asks and Jack sits on the sofa, pulls one of the blankets around him and sighs. Alex copies his movements and once they are both wrapped in blankets, Jack scoots back beside Alex and leans into him. 

“I was just thinking about the session today at the hospital.” Jack says quietly. 

“You haven’t really spoken about it.” Alex comments and he frees his hand from the blanket just to play with Jack’s hair and he physically feels him relax into it. 

“I didn’t say much to him, it was weird. I know that talking about it will help, but I don’t think I’m ready.” Jack answers truthfully.

“That makes sense.” Alex nods, and Jack turns and looks up at him as best as he could, because of course Alex understood what he was thinking. “When I was younger, I didn’t talk to my therapist until my sixth or seventh session.” 

“You didn’t?” Jack frowns.

“No, at first it was just to piss off my parents.” Alex shrugs. “They were so desperate for me to talk to someone, for someone to fix me. And boy did it piss them off, they were so angry, but then I just told him everything. I went through everything, and I realised that me not talking wasn’t to spite anyone, but it was that hour of peace where I didn’t have to pretend to be anyone but myself, you know? I got to think about what was really going on in my head, and my therapist was there to help me work through it,” 

“You never have to pretend around me.” Jack whispers and Alex smiles softly.

“And you never have to pretend around me.” Alex promises and he rests his forehead against Jack’s and they just stare at each other, so lost in each other's eyes that they don’t notice Rian walk in, but they do hear when he trips over the table and Jack jumps so much and hides into the blanket. 

“Sorry I…” Rian rambles.

“It’s okay, I’m okay.” Jack whispers and they both know that he isn’t, they both know that he isn’t near okay and Alex shoots Rian a look and just wraps an around Jack and holds him close.


	23. Chapter 23

Jack and Alex end up sleeping on the sofa cuddled into their blankets. Zack sees them when he wakes up for his morning surf and he smiles at how cute they look, he doesn’t wake them, he just gently covers Jack’s legs and then heads out. Jack is awake by the time Rian stumbles out looking for coffee. 

“Hey,” Rian whispers, he doesn’t want to wake Alex up. He can’t quite remember the last time either of them slept a solid six hours. 

“Hi.” Jack smiles and he tugs the hooded jumper around him and slowly creeps out of the blanket. “Are you making coffee?” Jack asks and Rian nods.

“Want one?” Rian asks and Jack nods his head. “I’ll bring it in to you.” 

“Thank you.” Jack nods and he settles back into Alex. 

Jack can’t quite remember when they fell asleep, but he feels rested. He feels better after speaking to Alex about the therapy session, and he can’t quite believe how lucky he is to have Alex there for him. He loves Rian and he loves Zack, but there’s something about Alex; he understands, he would never push him. He smiles a little and watches Alex begin to wake up. 

“Did I hear coffee?” Alex yawns and Jack chuckles.

“It’s already brewing.” Rian shouts back and Jack smiles up at Alex.

“Morning.” Jack says softly. 

“Good morning.” Alex says and stretches his legs out a little. 

“We should have slept on one of the beds, this sofa isn’t quite big enough for two.” Jack reasons. 

“Maybe, but it was okay.” Alex shrugs. “Did you sleep okay?” 

“Yeah, I feel good.” Jack nods. “I mean, physically, like I don’t hurt too much.” Jack added.

“Good.” Alex smiles. “I feel good too.” Alex adds and Jack beams at him. “Sam will be here soon, do you want to shower first or after?” 

“First. I feel kinda gross.” Jack nods. 

“Cool. I erm… I have a phone appointment with my therapist whilst you are with Sam, but Zack will be there with you okay?” 

“Alex,” Jack says softly. “I’m glad you are taking the time to help your mind too. And yes, that’s okay, I’ll be okay. Zack is strong enough to help me when I fall over because you know I can’t walk properly.”

“You can walk properly.” Alex says rolling his eyes. “Just you know like you’re on sea legs.”

“Thanks.” Jack pouts but Alex knows it’s all in jest. It’s Jack's way of showing him that he’s okay, he can make little jokes and tease each other. It’s normal, they will both be okay. 

Rian comes in with their coffees and he sits on the chair opposite him. It’s calm and it’s quiet and Jack feels so at peace. “What time is Sam coming?” Jack asks once he has finished most of the coffee. 

“In about an hour, I’ll push the chairs aside so we have some space.” Rian smiles. 

“Cool.” Jack nods and he sucks his lip, he suddenly feels nervous. He knows he needs the physio, his body feels strange and he knows he will be okay, but he knows that he needs help too. But he’s nervous. What if he can never physically go back to normal? If he can’t even walk around the house without getting breathless how was he supposed to go on tour? 

“Jack,” Alex said gently, he could see Jack starting to stare off into space, could see his mind going a thousand miles an hour and his hands tremble around the mug. Alex leans forward and carefully takes the mug from him. “What are you thinking about?” 

“I just… I’m okay.” Jack says shaking his head quickly. “I’m going to go and have that shower.”

“Okay, do you want…”

“I’ll call you when I need help.” Jack promises and he squeezes Alex’s hand softly before heading out to the bathroom. 

Alex sighed and looked at Rian, “He’s going to be okay.” Rian assured him and Alex just nodded his head slowly. He finished his coffee and kept looking towards the bathroom. “Last night he seemed really jumpy.”

“Yeah,” Alex nodded. “But I’m sure it’s normal.”

“Of course it is.” Rian promised. Alex just nodded his head, he repeated it’s normal in his head and finished his coffee. He was glad he had his appointment with Richard later, he had a lot to talk about. 

Jack was quiet when Sam came, Alex had already left to make his phone call and was sat in the small back garden. All Jack could think about was being next to him. Sam seemed to pick up on his mood but didn’t question it. He went through the exercises with him and assured him that his body was healing perfectly. Jack nodded along, he didn’t feel like it was healing at all, with every movement he felt stiff and he had tripped a little and Rian had caught him. 

“Can we take a break?” Jack asked after ten minutes. 

“Of course,” Sam smiled, he was so patient, so calm. Jack was so grateful for him as he sunk into the chair. 

“Want a drink?” Rian asked and Jack nodded his head slowly. Rian headed into the kitchen and Jack looked up at Sam who smiled softly at him. 

“It’s okay to have bad days,” Sam explained. 

“I just want to get better.” Jack sighed. “I… I keep thinking about tour.” 

“You haven’t got any tours coming up have you?” Sam asked. 

“No, I mean… But what if I’m…”

“You’re body isn’t in too bad shape, Jack.” Sam smiled. “If you work with me, I promise that I will do everything I can to have you feeling like your old self within three months.” 

“You can’t guarantee that.” Jack frowned. 

“I can.” Sam nodded. “It will take some effort from you, daily exercise, both exercising your body and your mind, and we can do this.” 

“I don’t know…” Jack sighed.

“How about we make a deal?” Sam smiled and Jack raised an eyebrow. “If I get you back on your feet within three months, I get front row tickets to one of your shows.” 

“And if you don’t?” Jack laughed. 

“Then I don’t get front row tickets to your show and I’ll have to fork out the tickets from my very low paid salary.” Sam winked and Jack couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Okay, deal.” Jack grinned.

“Good. Now, five minute break and then we will start the stretches okay?” 

“Somehow I feel you’re going to push me even harder now.” Jack whined.

“Of course.” Sam teased and Jack just rolled his eyes. 

Alex felt drained. He didn’t think he had let Richard talk a second. Which wasn’t something his therapist was used to. But Alex started from the beginning, even though they had been talking via email, it felt good to say everything out loud. Alex told him how useless he felt, he had failed his best friend and wasn’t able to help him at all. He told him how frustrated he was, how upset, and mostly he told him about how much he missed his best friend. Though Jack was still there, there was something in his eyes. Something missing. By the time the phone call ended, Alex was ready to go to bed. His head was aching, which was something he was used to after the sessions. 

Taking a deep breath, Alex walked back into the house. He smiled when he heard the familiar sound of Jack laughing. Though they had a few moments where Jack seemed to be his old self and laugh, it wasn’t a laugh like this. This was a real, humoured laugh. Alex followed the voice and stopped in the doorway when he saw Sam sitting beside Jack on the sofa showing him something on the phone. They were sitting so close together, knees against each other and Jack seemed so comfortable. Alex felt something rise inside of him and he tried to quickly push it away. He should be happy that Jack was okay, he shouldn’t feel jealous. 

As if sensing his presence Jack looked up. “Alex, you’re back.” He smiled and instantly patted the spot beside him. “Sam just showed me a video of him getting a broken nose at one of our shows, it’s priceless.” Jack said, laughter still in his voice. Alex bit his tongue to stop making a comment, he forced a smile and walked over and sat beside him. 

“How is the physio going?” Alex asked, he hoped his voice sounded normal, but by the look Rian and Zack shot him it hadn’t. 

“Going slow.” Jack answered truthfully. 

“We are pretty much done for today, but I will be back on Wednesday.” Sam smiled, sensing Alex didn’t want him there anymore he stood up and grabbed his coat. “I will leave the bars here for you to practice on okay?”

“Thanks Sam.” Jack smiled. 

“Remember our deal.” Sam smiled as he slung his backpack over his shoulder. 

“I will. But you should probably start working in a bar or something to earn some extra money.” Jack said and he leaned back against the sofa and Alex even more. 

Sam just rolled his eyes fondly and walked out with Zack and Rian. 

Jack turned and looked up at Alex, a sleepy look in his eye. “You okay? How did...You don’t have to tell me, but I’m here.” Jack whispered. 

“Thank you.” Alex smiled. “You look tired, he didn’t push you too hard did he?”

“No.” Jack said, shaking his head. “I just feel tired. I was going to ask if you wanted to go for a walk along the beach.” Jack yawned, “But maybe we could nap first?”

“A nap sounds perfect.” Alex agreed. “Here or in the bedroom?”

“I don’t want to move.” Jack pouted and he curled up against Alex even more. 

“Then here we shall stay.” Alex whispered and he leant down and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead and Jack leaned into the touch even more. Alex wrapped his arms around Jack and held him close, he forced himself to think about this right here right now, and not that horrible jealous feeling he had in his stomach with Jack and Sam. 

Jack could date whoever he wanted, right? Alex hated how angry that thought made him.


	24. Chapter 24

Jack wakes up from his nap early in the afternoon, he can hear laughter and he smiles at the sound. He could listen to his friends laugh all day. He sits up slowly, Alex makes a sleepy noise but curls back around the pillow and Jack smiles before he gets up and walks down, following the noise. Rian and Zack are sitting at the front of the house, both in little chairs and a can of beer in each hand. 

“Hey,” Zack smiles as soon as he sees Jack. “You good man?”

Jack nods his head, he still feels tired. The small walk from the sofa to outside has tired him out and he sits down on the chair beside Rian and nods again. “It will take time, then you’ll be running around again.”

“I hope so.” Jack nods and he cuddles into the hooded jumper he had stolen from Alex. To be fair, all of their clothes had now piled into one bag and he isn’t too sure what’s his and what’s not any more. 

They sit outside for a while. Jack likes it outside, the ocean breeze is nice and he feels calmer outside than inside, but he misses Alex and as much as he knows his friend needs to sleep, he also wishes that he would hurry up and wake up so that he can cuddle him. He sighs at the thought and fiddles with his hands. “Do you want a beer?” Rian asks him and Jack shakes his head. 

He couldn’t really remember the last time that he drank. He knows it was when he was with Tyler and he hates that. Tyler drank so much, and Jack could drink too but he knew his limit. Something Tyler never knew. The thought of drinking was something he never wanted to do again, what if he became like Tyler? What if drinking wasn’t enough and he ventured down their other bad habits.

“I think I’m going to go for a walk.” Jack mumbled. 

“You…”

“I won’t go far.” Jack said, he was already standing up and moving slowly out of the little gate. 

They were right on the beach, he walked slowly, the uneven texture of the sand was a bad idea but he couldn’t turn back now. His mind was racing. He didn’t understand what had upset him, or even if something actually had. But he needed to clear his head. He walked for five minutes before his body told him to stop. He sat down against the small wall and brought his knees up to his chest and held onto them tight and just stared at the ocean. 

He wasn’t like Tyler.

He could drink with his friends when he was ready. 

He could still have fun. When he was ready. 

He wasn’t like Tyler.   
“Jack?” Alex’s voice shook him from his thoughts and he blinked up at his friend. “You’ve been gone a while, I...I was worried.” Alex said honestly and Jack frowned. Looking around the beach he saw it was a little darker, how long had he been sat there? “I got you a hot chocolate.” 

“Thanks.” Jack smiled shyly and Alex handed him the mug. 

“Do...I can go.” Alex said and he was rocking on his feet and Jack shook his head. He didn’t want Alex to go. 

“Sit?” Jack offered and Alex nodded his head and sat down, he had his own cup of hot chocolate and took a sip. As soon as he was next to him, Jack moved closer and pressed his head to his shoulder and cuddled into him. 

“Want to talk about it?” Alex asked and Jack shrugged. “Rian said to say he’s sorry if he upset you.” 

“He didn’t.” Jack sighed. 

Was that what was going to become of his friendships now? Were they just going to be scared to mention anything normal in fear of triggering him? That wasn’t what he wanted. 

“He didn’t say what happened.” Alex said lightly, his hand snaking around Jack’s waist and his thumb gently rubbing his hip bone over the hooded jumper. 

“He offered me a beer.” Jack laughed. “That was all. He offered me one beer and I freaked out.” Jack pulled back and looked at Alex, a desperate look in his eye “How fucked up is that?”

“It’s not.” Alex promised. 

“Really? Because I feel pretty fucked up.” Jack sighed. 

“I don’t know if i should say it’s normal, because I don’t know what you should feel, i don’t know what you should think, but whatever you feel, whatever you think, it’s all valid Jack. You can feel anything you want, you have the right to feel it.” 

Jack just stared at Alex. He had such a way to stop his anger from seeping out. Jack just nodded, he didn’t really know what to say to that. 

“I’m scared.” Jack said eventually. “And I’m angry that I’m scared.”

“What is it that you’re scared of? When Rian offered you the beer, what was it that scared you?” Alex asked, and he knew that he was treading on a thin line here. Jack could shut down or refuse to talk about it, but he didn’t think that would be the case. Jack seemed so raw, so open and vulnerable. He needed to talk it through. 

“I just thought about Tyler, and how we were when we drank together.” Jack answered and Alex nodded slowly. “I didn’t like who I was when I drank with him.”

“You’re not that person now,” Alex said and he held his hand out to him because he missed the physical contact. Jack took his hand and shuffled closer. “You don’t have to drink ever again if you don’t want to.” 

“It’s not that I don’t want to drink ever again. Just right now. I think, if I was to drink, it would numb everything. It… That’s what I did back then.” 

“What do you mean?” And Alex knew the answer, he wasn’t stupid, but he knew Jack needed to say it. 

“When Tyler would… I would drink to forget, and I would drink with him and it was rough and hard, but if i was drunk with him, he never hit me.” Jack mumbled, and he wiped his eyes viciously because he didn’t want to cry over him anymore. 

“He’s away now Jack, he is never going to hurt you again.” Alex promised and he moved Jack’s hand from his face and used his thumb to gently brush under his eyes. The swelling was gone and there was only a light bruise left, but the scar on his cheek bone was there and Alex hated that he would always see that visible reminder of everything Jack had been through. And he hated that every time Jack would look in the mirror he would see it too. Jack blinked up at him, his eyes looked so scared and Alex wished he could do something to make that look go away. 

“I just hate that i miss him, Lex.” Those words broke Alex’s heart and he didn’t know what to say so he just settled their mugs of hot chocolate on the ground and pulled Jack close and cradled him. 

It was dark when they decided to go back to the house. Alex was hungry and he knew Jack hadn’t eaten in a while. But walking back to the house was hard. Jack’s legs had cramped up and he was cranky and tired and Alex had to practically carry him through the house. 

“I’m so fucking useless!” Jack screamed and Alex jumped at the sound of his friends loud voice. 

“Jack…”

“Don’t say that I’m not.” Jack snapped and his eyes were watering and his hands were shaking at his side. 

Rian and Zack walked in from the bedroom and frowned. “What’s going on?” Rian asked. 

“Nothing.” Jack mumbled, shaking his head. “I’m going to bed.”

“But you haven’t eaten.” Alex said quietly.

“I’m not hungry.” Jack said and he forced his muscles to walk him to the bedroom. 

Rian looked at Alex and instantly rushed to his friend and pulled him into his arms. “Talk to me,” Rian whispered and Alex shook his head, his shoulders shaking as he tried to hold it together. “Alex, it’s okay.” Alex shook his head again because it wasn’t okay, he wasn’t okay, Jack wasn’t okay. Zack, deciding Rian would comfort Alex turned and headed to the bedroom to see Jack. 

“I really don’t think I can help him.” Alex whispered eventually and Rian sighed, he knew he and Alex had had this conversation many times in the past, and he knew it was something that they would talk about again. 

“You help him more than you know.” Rian assured him and he sat him down on the sofa. “What happened?”

“He’s angry, and I don’t blame him.” Alex whispered. “I just… I feel… I…” Alex looked down at his hands. “I love him Ri.”

“I know you do.” Rian smiled.

“No, I…” Alex looked at Rian and saw the look and frowned. “You know?”

“I’ve known for a long time.” Rian nodded. “And it’s okay.”

“It’s not though, is it?” Alex sighed. “I never thought that I would… But this it’s…Every time I feel like we are getting closer, that maybe he feels the same…”

“He does.” Rian said simply.

“How can he love me when he misses Tyler?” Alex asked and that was all he needed to break down into tears once again.


	25. Chapter 25

Jack is laying on his stomach on the bed, his head buried into the pillow and he is sobbing. Zack doesn’t think he’s ever seen someone so broken and he hates that it’s Jack. He sits beside him and places a hand on his back and just rubs it slowly, he doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t think that there is anything he could say that would make it any better. So he just waits for Jack to calm down, because he doesn’t want him to be on his own. 

“Is Alex okay?” Jack’s voice is quiet and Zack smiles to himself that the first thing Jack wants to know is that Alex is okay. 

“He’s with Rian, he’s probably worried about you. Do you want me to go and get him?” Zack asks. 

“I… Just tell him I’m sorry.” Jack whispers. 

“I will, but Jack you haven’t got anything to be sorry for.” Zack assured him. “I’m going to talk to Alex and I’m going to bring in a sandwich and your painkillers for you okay?”

“Okay.” Jack nodded and he curled up a little more on the bed. 

Zack stroked his cheek before moving off of the bed and walking to the front room where Alex was curled on Rian’s lap. “Is he okay?” Alex asked quickly, as soon as he saw Zack walk back into the room he jumped up. 

“He said to tell you that he’s sorry, he wanted to know if you were okay.” Zack smiled. “Are you?”

Alex nodded and looked at Rian, a silent conversation passing between them. “Can I go and see him?” Alex asked quietly.

“Of course you can, I’m going to get him some painkillers and make him something to eat, I’ll make you something too.” 

“Thank you,” Alex whispered and he moved forward into the bedroom. 

Jack blinked up as soon as Alex walked in, he held his hand out straight away and Alex rushed forward and lay beside him, hand in hand. “I’m so sorry for shouting.” Jack whispered. 

“It’s okay.” Alex said gently. 

“How can it be okay? I was so angry, I… I was never angry at you.” Jack mumbles. “What if I’m turning into Tyler?” 

“Oh Jacky,” Alex sighed and he pulled Jack so he was laying against his chest. “I promise you, above everything else, that you will never ever turn into him.” 

“How do you know?” Jack sighed. 

“Because I know you.” Alex said firmly. “I know that you’re the sweetest guy in the world, that you love your friends, that you’re passionate and kind, and you are never going to turn into him.” 

“I wish I could believe you.” Jack said quietly and Alex nodded his head. 

“Give it time, you will.” Alex pressed a kiss to his forehead and held him closer. 

Zack came in ten minutes later and saw that they were both asleep, he didn’t want to wake them, but left Jack’s tablets on the side and wrapped a blanket around the two of them before walking back out to Rian. 

“They’re asleep.” He said, taking a bite of one of the sandwiches and then handed the other to Rian. 

“I’m worried man.” Rian sighed.

“Me too.” Zack nodded sitting down beside him. 

“Alex finally admitted to his feelings for Jack, and I’m so proud of him for it.” 

“He did?” Zack smiles. “Do you think he’ll tell Jack?”

“No.” Rian sighs. “I don’t think either of them are ready for that.” 

“No, I don’t think so.” Zack nods. “I just worry about the two of them, they’re so dependent on each other, they always have been. But this doesn’t seem good for them.”

“We’re here for them Zack, they’re going to get through this.” Rian assures him. “Are you okay? I… You cleaned the kitchen,”

“I’m fine.” Zack shrugs.

“Just… As long as you’re okay.” Rian says watching him closely. He knew that out of the four of them Zack was normally the most sensitive. 

“As long as none of our friends get hurt again, I’ll be okay.” Zack smiled. 

The days went by slowly, Jack didn’t venture out, when Sam came for physio he was quiet, he only did the minimum. It was almost like he was shutting down. Alex tried his best to get through to him, to encourage him to do the exercises but Jack couldn’t. He had hit a wall. It had been almost a week since Jack’s breakdown at the beach and it was like he couldn’t come back from it. 

Alex was sitting on the bed, Jack’s head in his lap. “You have your therapy session tomorrow, are you going to go?” Alex asked softly. 

“Probably should.” Jack sighed. 

“I have a meeting with Richard,” Alex said hoping that it would make Jack feel more at ease with seeing his therapist. 

“I’m sorry if… Me being… It’s causing you…” 

“None of this is your fault.” Alex promised him. 

“I just feel…”

“I think tomorrow, you need to be really honest with Jason, about the mood swings, and about what you feel. It won’t be easy, but I think it will be really helpful.” Alex whispered. 

“I’ll try.” Jack breathed. 

Alex nods and plays with his hair a little more, he goes to say something but his phone rings and he frowns when he sees that it’s Lisa. “Give me a sec?” Alex asks and Jack nods and moves away slowly and answers the call as he walks out into the hallway and to the garden. 

When the call finishes his head is spinning. He walked back into the bedroom, a lump in his throat, how was he supposed to tell Jack that he had to leave and head back home?


	26. Chapter 26

Jack looked up at Alex with wide eyes as he walked into the room, he didn’t know what it was, but he could tell straight away that something was wrong. “What happened?” Jack asked and he sat up straight away. 

“It was Lisa, her moms in the hospital, she’s… Lisa has to be with her.” Alex said slowly. 

“You have to leave.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement and Jack sounded so heart broken as he spoke, but as if something flashed in his head he nodded slowly. “You have to go and look after Gryff, and Poe and Milk, and the horses, and the chickens. And they need you, and I think you need them too.” 

“But…” 

“I can’t expect you to forget about the farm and be cooped up with me,” Jack whispered. 

“I know you don’t expect me to, but I promised you…” 

“And you’ll still be here for me, I can call you… I…”

“You can call me whenever you want to be okay.” Alex whispered and he sat down beside him and stroked his cheek, he knew that Jack was putting on a brave front, he knew that deep down he was terrified, because he was too. “It will just be a week, two at max, I’ll talk to the farm help, get them to do a little bit more so that I can come back.” 

“Okay.” Jack nodded. “When do you go?”

“I should go tomorrow, Lisa is leaving tonight, so someone will need to be there in the evening.” Alex sighed. 

Jack nodded his head slowly and curled up into Alex’s arms. “Okay.” He whispered, and he was still trying to process everything, still trying to be brave, but the more he thought about not being with Alex, the more his head and his heart hurt. 

“It’s all going to be okay,” Alex whispered and he held onto Jack until he was certain the younger boy was asleep on his lap. Once Alex was certain that Jack was asleep, he slowly crept out of the room and sighed when he saw Zack and Rian watching a film together. 

“Guys,” Alex sighed and walked forward, he sat on the chair opposite them, fiddling with his phone in his hands. 

“What’s happened?” Zack asks with a frown. 

“I have to go back home, there’s an emergency with Lisa and she can’t be at the farm for a while.” Alex sighed, running a hand through his hair. It was getting long and he hated it, he didn’t feel like himself, he saw his beanie on the table and picked it up and pulled it on. 

“I’ll come with you.” Rian said straight away and Alex frowned. “I need to head home to sort some things out anyway, but you’re not ready to be on your own yet.”  
“What about Jack?” Alex asked, “He needs you…”

“I’ll be here.” Zack promised. 

“You won’t leave him?” Alex whispered. 

“I promise.” Zack nodded. 

“Are you sure you want to go with me?” Alex asked, looking at Rian, truthfully he was a little relieved that his friend had suggested it. He didn’t quite think he was ready to be on his own yet. He wished Jack could come with him, but he knew it wouldn’t be fair to take Jack away from the people that were helping him, there was still things he needed to clear with the police and he was still booked for his physical therapy, not to mention Jack seemed a little comfortable with Jason his therapist and he knew how important it would be for him to talk to him. So, asking Jack to come with him would be wrong, but he wanted it so much. 

“Yes.” Rian answered straight away. “Did you tell Jack?”

“I did, he’s… He’s putting on a front, but… i… he’ll be okay?” 

“He will be.” Zack promised. “And so will you.”

Alex just nodded his head, he wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Jack and just the thought of it was making him want to run back to the bed and cry. 

Jack sat on the edge of the bed watching as Alex threw his things into the bag. He had just picked up the hoody he had been wearing for the past few days and turned to Jack and held it out to him. “Thank you.” Jack whispered and took it from him, he folded it up and put it on his lap. 

“I can keep you some of my dirty socks too?” Alex smiled, he was trying to make light of the situation, and Jack chuckled back because he felt like he had to but didn’t say anything. 

“You going to be okay with Rian there?” Jack asked. 

“Course.” Alex nodded. “And you have Zack.”

“He’ll make me go to the beach every day.” Jack complained. 

“The fresh air will clear your mind.” Alex added. 

“He’ll make me eat those chickpea crisps.” Jack countered. 

“But he does a good salmon grill?” Alex offered in return and Jack just sighed again, cuddling his arms into the jumper he was wearing. 

“And it’s only going to be for a week or two right?” Jack sighed. 

“Yes, just a week or two.” Alex nodded. “And we will talk to each other on the phone every hour.” 

“Except for when you have to look after Gryff.” Jack mumbled. 

“I’ll keep you on speaker.” Alex whispered and he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Jack’s forehead. “Can you make me a promise, Jacky?”

“Depends.” Jack sighed. 

“Please try with Sam and Jason.” Alex pleaded, he crouched down so they were eye to eye, his hand coming to Jack’s cheek. “Try your hardest with Sam, and tell Jason everything that is bothering you, talk to him about what makes you sad and angry, please.”

“I’ll try.” Jack promised, and he wanted to scream that none of this was fair, why did Alex have to leave him? When he woke up he promised himself that he wouldn’t cry in front of Alex, he knew this was hard for the older man, so he couldn’t be selfish and show how upset he was. There would be time for tears later, but of course Alex wasn’t making this easy for him. 

“Thank you.” Alex whispered and he pulled Jack close and cradled him to his chest. 

A little while later, Rian walked in. “We need to leave now Lex.” He said sadly, he could see how broken both boys were over this, and he didn’t really want the two of them separated. Though a part of him thought it might do them both some good, he still didn’t think this would be good for them. 

Zack picked up Alex’s bags and put it in Rians rental, he was nervous about being alone with Jack. He knew his friend needed him, he just hoped that he would be able to be there for him and that would be enough. He didn’t want to let anyone down, especially not Jack. 

Rian walked out to the car and clasped a hand on Zack’s back. “Call me, if…”

“We are going to be okay.” Zack nodded. “And you’ll call…”

“Yes.” Rian sighed quietly. “Selena will be here tomorrow to talk to Jack about what happens next.” 

“And Sam will be here the day after for his physio, and today we have a meeting with Jason.” Zack nodded, he had everything written down. There was a lot to go through, appointments and meetings and Zack hoped that being busy would be a good distraction for Jack. 

They would be fine. All of them. They had to be. 

Jack wrapped himself into Alex and sighed. “Call me when you land?” Jack asked quietly.

“Of course.” Alex promised.   
“I love you Alex.” Jack whispered and pressed a kiss to his cheek so softly causing Alex’s heart to flutter in its cage. 

“I love you too Jack,” Alex whispered and maybe one day he’d be able to show Jack just how much.


	27. Chapter 27

Jack thinks it’s going to be okay, he keeps thinking that until he gets to Jason’s office and he waits until the door is closed, waits until he knows Zack is behind it, and he cries. He cries until he doesn’t think there’s any tears left, but there are. He doesn’t even care that Jason is watching him, he’s not saying anything, his notebook in his lap but he doesn’t write anything down. Finally the tears stop and Jack uses yet another tissue and he hisses when he rubs too hard on his face and he looks at Jason, can’t even think about what he looks like right now. 

“You may not believe me,” Jason starts and Jack holds his breath for whatever words of wisdom are going to come out of his therapist's mouth, “But you’ll feel better now you’ve let it out.” Jack bites back the retort and looks down at the tissues in his hands. He doesn’t feel better. He feels weak. “Was there something that happened?”

“Alex left.” Jack says and he can’t believe the words can actually leave his mouth. He doesn’t want to think that Alex has left. Alex will be in the air right now. Thousands of feet in the sky, and miles away from where he was needed. But Jack will be okay. He has to keep telling himself that at least. 

“Did you have a falling out?” Jason frowns.

“No, nothing like that. He… He has a farm, he had to go back to it.” Jack mumbles and for once he thinks that the goats are stupid, that the horses are stupid, and the chickens are stupid because why can’t Alex be here with him? 

“Well, that’s okay, because you know that you can call him, talk to him when you need.” Jason offers and Jack really wants to hit him. Because he knows he can call Alex, knows he can talk to him whenever he wants, but what about when he can’t sleep without feeling him next to him? What about when the nightmares come? Jason senses Jack’s mood and he doesn’t say anything for a while and Jack remembers what he promised Alex and he takes a breath. 

“I feel angry.” He states. 

“Okay,” Jason nods slowly. “Does anything trigger the anger?”

“No, it’s everything. I feel angry with myself, angry that Alex had to leave, Angry that this happened.” Jack looks down, his nails picking at the skin around his nail and it’s a sharp but bitter pain but it’s almost calming. 

“Shall we start with the first one? Angry at yourself?” Jason presses. 

“I feel useless all the time, especially when I try to walk, i feel breathless and my body just hurts, and I think, walking isn’t too hard so why does it feel like I’m trying to run a marathon when I’m just trying to get to the fucking kitchen?” 

“You’ve been through…”

“A lot. A traumatic event.” Jack finishes. “I get that. And I’m angry. Because why did I go through all of this? Because I am fucking stupid!” Jack’s voice is raised now, but Jason doesn’t flinch, he knows this is a process, he needs to go through all of this to get to the other side. 

“Why did you go through it?” Jason says, and it’s a leading question, but Jack answers. 

“Because I thought I loved him. I thought he loved me. I thought that i was finally able to be in a relationship. I thought it… I thought it would be okay in the end.” 

“What about him did you love?” Jason asks. 

“I loved… He made me feel special.” Jack sighs and he fiddles with the tissue, “He… He just had this way making me feel like i was… it wasn’t always bad.” 

“But the bad times over shone the good ones?” Jason asked gently. 

“The bad times… The bad times made me feel worthless, I hated him, every time he… I hated him.” 

“And now?” Jason asks. 

“Now…. I miss the moments when it was quiet, when we would sit on the balcony and watch the stars, when he would make me feel like the world would be okay.” Jack sighed, he hated how much he missed him, he hated the pang he felt every time he thought of him, he hated how his heart ached. 

“It’s normal.” Jason says, “Rational even.” 

“There’s nothing rational about any of this.” Jack sighs. “I just really wish I could go back to before.” 

“Before you met Tyler?” Jason guesses. 

“I guess. Yeah.” Jack nods and he thinks that must be the answer, because if he had never met Tyler then none of this would have happened. But then what would he be doing? 

“What are you thinking about?” Jason asks, because there’s something there. Something behind Jack’s eyes and he needs to know what it is. 

“I don’t…” Jack looks down. “I was thinking that if I hadn’t met Tyler then I would still have been just…” 

“Just what?” 

“Exactly.” Jack sighs, because what had he been before Tyler? Just a musician. A guy in a band. 

“Well, we can’t turn back what happened, we can’t change the past Jack, but we can change what happens next.” Jason says and Jack nods his head. “What do you want to happen next?”

“I want...I don’t really know.” Jack answers honestly.

“And that’s okay,” Jason smiles. “You still have a way to go, what with the trial, your physio therapy, talking to me… but there’s no harm in thinking about what you want your life to be Jack.” 

“Thank you.” Jack whispers and he thinks that he feels a little better, he still feels so empty without Alex, but he feels a little better. He can think about the future, he has a future.

Alex missed the farm. He missed the animals. He missed the comforts of his house and he missed the way everything just smelt like home, it was home. He was home. So why did he feel so empty? Alex went straight to the goats, spent an hour just playing with them, making sure they were okay, making sure they didn’t forget him. Then he went to the horses. He had sent Jack a message to say that he had landed, but he knew Jack was busy with appointments, or he was asleep. His phone was on loud in his pocket eagerly waiting for him to message him back. He wanted to know how his session with Jason had gone, wanted to know if he had practiced anything for Sam tomorrow. He wanted to talk to him. He shouldn’t miss him as much as he did. 

“I just spoke to Zack,” Rian said as he walked out. He found Alex sitting in the stables, Theo laying down and he was sat beside him gently stroking his maine. 

“Is Jack okay?” Alex asked, jumping up straight away. 

“Yes.” Rian smiled. “He’s sleeping. Zack said it sounded like he had a progressive session with Jason, he actually stayed in there over his hour and Zack was sure he heard actual talking.” Rian says proudly. 

“That’s good.” Alex nodded. “He should sleep, he doesn’t really sleep that much.” 

“No, neither do you.” Rian sighed. 

“I’ll sleep,” Alex nods. “I’m actually kinda tired from catching up on some farm chores.” 

“Well, you can show me how to do some? Share the load and all that.” Rian shrugs.

“Tomorrow. I think a nap sounds good now.” Alex says and he walks forward and Rian smiles and hugs him. “Thank you.” Rian whispers. 

“Anytime.” Rian smiles and their moment is interrupted by the sound of Alex’s phone ringing, and Rian doesn’t miss the way that Alex’s face lights up; it could only mean one thing. Jack was calling.


	28. Chapter 28

“Hey, how are you?” Alex asks straight away and he hears Jack chuckle tiredly. 

“I just woke up, saw your message and thought to call. Is that okay?” Jack asks and he sounds a little nervous and Alex sighs softly. 

“Of course it’s okay,” Alex promises. 

Rian smiles at him before heading to the kitchen, figuring the two could talk in private for a while. He sends a message to Zack just to catch up with him, if anything this whole thing had brought the band closer together, something he never thought would be actually possible. 

“How did it go with Jason?” Alex asks and he moves back to the goats, sits on one of the chairs there and Poe instantly comes up to him, and Alex doesn’t mind sharing the moment with him. 

“Good, I guess.” Jack shrugs. “I spoke, like you told me to do, about my feelings and he gave some good advice, which you know it’s his job so, he did it.” 

“Well that’s good. I’m glad that you are talking to him Jack, he really will help.” Alex promises. 

“I know. I know.” Jack sighs. “What are you doing?”

And that’s how they spend the next two hours, just talking to each other. It almost feels like old times. Rian brings Alex out a pizza and he actually eats all of it as he talks, it isn’t until there’s a silence on the phone and then a few minutes later Zack’s voice fills the phone telling him that Jack had fallen asleep. 

“You’re doing great.” Sam praises, Jack is on his fifth walk down the hallway, he hasn’t lost his breath or balance and he beams at Sam. “This is great progress Jack, I’m so proud of you.” 

Jack smiles, because he felt rested last night, talking to Alex, even though he was still so far away it didn’t feel like that. He had slept for a solid four hours after falling asleep on the phone and then he had crawled into bed with Zack because the nights still were the worst and he couldn’t be on his own. Zack didn’t mind, he had been playing some game on his phone anyway. In the morning, Zack had made him some eggs and a fruit smoothie. Jack had picked at the eggs but drank the smoothie. 

“Thank you.” Jack smiled, because he did feel good. 

He had another reason to push himself, he wanted Alex to be proud of him. He wanted Alex to come back and for them to go out on walks along the beach, or just to walk around the house and show him that he was okay. 

“I think we’re done for today,” Sam smiled.

“Already?” Jack frowned. Sam had hardly been here an hour. 

“You are doing fantastic Jack, but we shouldn’t push it.” Sam said softly. 

“Oh.” Jack sighed and he chewed his lip because Zack had gone to the beach. It was Jack’s idea, he would be fine whilst he was with Sam he didn’t know how he would be okay on his own. 

“Zack won't be long, and I don’t have any other clients for a few hours, so why don’t I make us a hot chocolate and we can wait for Zack to come back?” 

“You sure?” Jack asks, and he likes Sam and he thinks it’s nice to have a friend and someone who knows what he is going through and isn’t judging or patronising. 

“Course.” Sam smiles and before Jack can object he’s already in the kitchen making them both hot chocolate, he even found cream and marshmallows making Jack smile even more. 

Talking to Sam was easy, Sam was sweet and funny. He opened up about his relationship with his boyfriend Jamie, he was a little older and his parents didn’t approve but Sam was in love and Jamie was nice. Jack instantly felt a protective streak run through him.

“He treats you…” Jack didn’t know how to finish his question. What was it that he really wanted to know? Was Jamie abusive? Was Sam under his spell? Jack looked down, surely he was just being paranoid. 

“Jack, I promise you, Jamie is a nice guy. He’s training to be a music teacher actually, and he loves your band almost as much as me, it’s where we met actually at one of your shows.” 

“You did?” Jack smiles and he feels a little better about that. 

“Three years ago.” Sam nods. “We made out the whole way through dear Maria.” He winked and Jack laughs at that, a hearty warm laugh and he feels a little better. He sips the hot chocolate and smiles as the sugar makes his way through his system, he thinks maybe he should finish it before Zack comes in and sees just how much cream and marshmallows he has, he tells this to Sam which makes the pair laugh even more. 

That’s how Zack found them, he was on the phone. Alex had called him to see how his session with Sam had gone, he had tried calling Jacks phone but it had gone to voicemail. Truthfully, Alex had been a little annoyed that Zack had left Jack during his session, what if he had fallen or what if something happened? But Zack explained calmly that he really hadn’t gone far and he knew Sam would call if anything happened. He understood that Alex was a little upset that he couldn’t be there for Jack right now, so he tried his best not to let it get to him. 

“Hey guys.” Zack smiled as he walked in. He gestured to the phone. “Alex.” 

Jack’s face lit up at that, it was something that Zack and Sam both noticed but said nothing about it. He reached forward and Zack handed him the phone, the closer he got he saw what the two were drinking and pulled a face. 

“Hey Lex.” Jack beamed. 

“Hey, I was just checking in to see how your physio went.” Alex smiled, a little relieved to hear Jacks voice. When he had called and had no answer he had started to panic a little. 

“Went really well. I managed five lengths of our glamorous corridor and then we had hot chocolate.” Jack hummed. 

“That’s great, I’m proud of you.” Alex smiled and he really was. 

Jack saw that Sam was packing up his things and he smiled at the younger boy, “Lex, let me just say goodbye to Sam and then I’ll call you back okay?”

“Sure.” Alex hummed and Jack ended the call. 

“Keep up the practice okay.” Sam said as he packed his things away. “You have a hospital appointment on Wednesday right to check how you are after the surgery, once we get the clear on that we can start on some exercises to build more stamina in your body, so soon that 5 lengths of the corridor will be ten,” Sam smiled. 

“Sounds good. I’ll see you Thursday.” Jack smiled and he watched him leave. “How was the beach?” He asked Zack. 

“Warm, maybe later we can go for a walk along it? Since you’re doing so well.” Zack smiled.

“I’d like that.” Jack nodded, it sounded normal and that was something he craved right now. “I’m going to call Alex back, after do you want to play some mario kart?” 

“Sounds good, take your time on the call though.” Zack smiled, he had a feeling that Alex would need to talk to him for a while. 

Jack nodded and headed to the bedroom where he had left his phone, he frowned when he saw he had two miss calls, one from Alex the other from Selena. There was no message so he called her back, his stomach turning. “Hi Jack, thank you for returning my call. How are you?”

“I’m doing okay, what… is everything okay?” Jack asked, he moved back to the room with Zack, he bit on his lip putting it on speaker. Zack taking his hand when he saw just how nervous Jack seemed. 

“We are hitting a bit of a wall with Tyler, of course we have enough to charge him for the aggravated assault but after everything that he has done to you we want to charge him for everything. But he said he won’t talk to us unless he sees you.”

“No way.” Zack said strongly. 

“I understand that it’s a lot to ask, and we are not going to force this at all. But, if we could get him to admit everything he has done, the process to have him behind bars and locked up for a very long time will be a lot quicker.”

“Jack, you don’t have to do this.” Zack promised.

“I… Can I think about it?” Jack asked, his head was spinning. He had gone from feeling so good and like the world was finally on his side to wanting to hide from everything and everyone. 

The thought of seeing Tyler again made him want to be sick. 

He couldn’t do it could he?

But he knew he had to.


	29. Chapter 29

Jack could do this. He had to. He was exhausted, he had been up most of the night talking it through to Zack, and Alex and Rian over the phone. Alex straight away wanted to come back, but Jack as much as he wanted him to, told him not to. He could handle this. All he was going to do was sit there. Whatever Tyler said he would move past it. 

“I’m right here.” Zack promised, he linked his fingers with Jack giving his hand a squeeze. He was just as tired as Jack. He had stayed awake with him. 

“I…” Jack nodded because he didn’t know what else to say. 

“We are going to be in the room with you, he is handcuffed to the desk and he will not be able to touch you. As soon as you want to leave you tell me and we will get you out of here.” Selena said softly. She couldn’t believe how strong Jack was right now, when they had first met, she didn’t think he would be able to do this. But she was glad that she had been wrong. 

“Okay.” Jack nodded. He took a shaky breath and nodded again, signalling to Selena to open the door. 

Tyler was sitting there, his skin looked pale, clashing horribly with the dark blue jumpsuit he was wearing, his hair was longer at the front, ragged, Jack hardly recognised him. 

“I can’t believe you’re actually here.” Tyler breathed, his eyes shining as Jack entered the room. 

Jack nodded, his mouth was dry and he squeezed his hands together in attempt to stop them from shaking. He needed to be strong, he needed to get this over with. “How are you?” Tyler asked. 

“Never better.” Jack muttered. 

“Jack… I’m so sorry…” Tyler breathed. There was something in his voice that Jack couldn’t figure out. “I’ve been… Everything that i did to you, I was… I wasn’t in my right mind.” 

“Are you serious?” Jack asked. “You weren’t in the…”

“I’ve been talking to a therapist, someone who specialises in my behaviour, he’s helping me understand. Everything I did, Jack, it was because I love you. I love you so much,”

“What you did to me, none of that was love.” Jack snapped. “Every time you hit me, you kicked me, you hurt me, I thought it was my fault, that I did something to make you that way. But it was never me. It was always you.” 

“No Jack, it was you.” Tyler said calmly. “You brought out the anger in me. You brought out my demons. It’s why I wanted to talk to you.” Jack frowned, the chill in his voice made him feel so uneasy. “I wanted to warn you Jack, before you get to ruin anyone else.”

“I’m not going to ruin anyone.” Jack shouted. “You ruined me. You made me love you, just to break me down. You’re a monster, not me.” 

“You ruined me Jack, you ruin everyone around you, and you’re going to ruin him too.” 

“That is enough. You are done here.” Selena said shaking her head, “Jack come on, le’s go.” Jack just nodded, his head was all over the place. He stood up and pushed the chair away from the table walking towards the door. 

“You’re going to ruin him Jack, he won’t know it until it’s too late.” Tyler shouted and Jack pulled the door open quickly and scrambled out. 

Zack who had heard the last part caught Jack as he fell out of the room. He wrapped his friend in his arms and held him close. 

“I’m so sorry Jack, I honestly…” Jack waved Selena off. He didn’t want to hear what she had to say, none of this was her fault. He should have known better than to come here. To have expected anything different from him. 

“Is it okay if I take him home?” Zack asked.

“Of course.” Selena whispered.

Zack led Jack to the car, he managed to sit him inside and do his belt up. “It’s going to be okay, I promise.” Zack whispered. But honestly, Jack was so out of it, he didn’t even think he could hear him. 

“Has he messaged you?” Alex asked Rian. He was so tempted to grab his passport and his backpack and just go to the airport and get back to Jack. Zack had messaged earlier saying that Jack wasn’t in a good way after his conversation with Tyler. He hadn’t said a word to him, so Zack had taken him to Jason. That was almost four hours ago and he hadn’t heard anything from him since. 

“I have a bad feeling.” Alex breathed as he sat down beside Rian on the sofa. “Something just… This was a bad idea, coming back here, I…”

“It’s going to be okay.” Rian promised, he wrapped an arm around his best friend and held him close. At first he thought the separation was doing Alex some good, he was a little more focused around the farm, he was talking about things that wasn’t Jack. He seemed to be doing okay. But now it was like it had spiralled down again. Rian knew it was the same for Jack too. He had been doing so well, he had been laughing with Sam, making a friend outside of them, not being so dependant on Alex. But whatever Tyler had said had spooked him. Zack had said he was like a shell of himself. 

Rian’s phone finally beeped and Alex grabbed it, almost falling from the sofa as he did, he handed it to Rian just in case it wasn’t Zack, but who else would be texting at a time like this, Alex thought and he watched his friend expectantly. 

“It’s Zack.” Rian frowned staring at the screen. 

“What did he say?” Alex asked impatiently. 

“He said to set up the spare room they’ll be here in a few hours.” Rian said turning to look at Alex, they both knew for Jack to come here, despite his hospital, therapy and everything he had in LA, it must be bad.


	30. Chapter 30

It’s all a blur to Jack. 

One minute he’s fine. Then the next he’s not. 

He remembered leaving the police station, Zacks strong arms around him and he thinks about everything that he’s put Zack through. 

Zack isn’t a people person. He tries his best to be around as much as he can for the band, he loves the band, he loves them, but he’s never been one to constantly be around them. And over the past few weeks he hasn’t left them. Jack thinks Zack is going to end up resenting him. He doesn’t want to be there. Why is he making him? He’s just going to ruin him. 

He thinks of Rian. Rian who is such an adventurer, always wanting to travel, find new lakes to float around in. He lives for the moment. What living has Jack let him do? Eventually he would ruin him too. 

He can’t think of Alex. He can’t think of his smile or his hugs, or the way he’s just so easy to cuddle into when the world truly hates him. He’s put everything on him. The stress, anxiety, anger. That all went to Alex and Jack knew it was too late. He had already ruined him. 

Zack took him to see Jason but he couldn’t find the words. Jason had given him some anxiety medication, but Jack refused to take it. He thinks he remembers Zack picking them up for him but it’s all a blur. 

He doesn’t even remember getting on the flight. 

How had he even made it through security? 

He didn’t remember getting in the car or the drive through their hometown. 

He didn’t know if Zack spoke about the places they used to hang out at. 

Everything was nothingness around him. 

Jack closed his eyes, his head was pounding and his hands were shaking at his sides. He clenched his hands on his lap and just prayed for the world to swallow him whole. 

Alex and Rian were sitting in the drive waiting for them. As soon as the car pulled through, Alex was rushing forward. He could see just how defeated Jack looked and he was so worried about him. He rushed to the door and as soon as Jack saw Alex it was like something lit up in his eyes, it was only there for a split second, but they all saw it. “Hey Jacky,” Alex whispered as he opened the door. 

Jack blinked up at him and scrambled with his seat belt and as soon as he was free he launched himself into Alex’s arms and just held onto him tightly. “I got you, you’re okay, it’s okay.” Alex whispered, rubbing his back softly. Alex looked between Rian and Zack, even when he had first gone to Jack at the hospital, the young boy was never like this. “Come on, let’s get inside yeah? I’ll make us some hot chocolate? Or we can sleep?” Jack nodded his head slowly, Alex wasn’t too sure what one he was nodding too, but at least he had responded. 

“I’ll grab his stuff.” Zack says softly and Alex nods, he doesn’t want to think about how hard this must have been for his friend, to bring him down from LA to Baltimore in such a state. 

“I’ll help,” Rian said and walked over to his friend and started helping with the bags. He watched as Alex led Jack inside and as soon as they were in the building he turned to Zack and wrapped his arms around him. “You okay man?”

“I will be.” Zack nodded. 

“What can i do?” Rian asked.

“Honestly, I think I just need a run.” Zack answered truthfully. 

“Okay man, whatever you need.” Rian said and gave him another hug before taking the bags inside. 

Alex had Jack up in his room, through a series of asking little questions Jack would only nod. He had said yes to going upstairs and just wanting to sleep. When Jack took his coat off, Alex saw he was wearing one of his jumpers and it made him smile. Jack kicked his shoes off and curled up on the bed, Alex thought that would be it, but he reached his hand out for Alex. 

“You want me to stay?” Alex asked softly.

“Please.” Jack whispered. 

Alex could never deny Jack, so he quickly kicked off his shoes and laid down beside him. As soon as he was on the bed beside him, Jack curled up into his chest. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Alex asked softly. 

“Not now.” Jack breathed. 

“Whenever you are ready, you know I’m going to be here for you.” Alex promised and he pressed a kiss to Jack’s forehead. 

“I love you.” Jack said quietly, his voice sounded so far away and Alex only heard him because he was so attuned to him. 

“I love you too Jack,” Alex promised and he grabbed the duvet and pulled it over them both and just held him tightly, only to be awoken a few hours later by Jack’s screams.


	31. Chapter 31

It’s a few days since Jack and Zack arrived at the farm house and Alex is worried about Jack more than he ever had been. Jack barely came out of the room, he got upset if Alex wasn't by his side and he couldn’t be on his own. Zack had told Alex what happened in the interview and all Alex could think was that his friend had fallen into a state of depression and guilt and he had no idea how to help him. 

“Jack,” Alex whispered. Jack had woken up by yet another nightmare, they were more frequent now. Whatever Tyler had said had triggered something in Jack’s mind. Jack turned his head to look at his friend, “Come and feed the goats with me?” 

Jack sucked his lip. Alex had asked him every day to come down to the farm with him but Jack had always shook his head. But this time, Alex was surprised when Jack nodded his head slowly. Alex’s face lit up and he got out of bed quickly, he found one of his jumpers and handed it to Jack who pulled it on quickly. Alex fond some sweat pants and spare wellies and Jack got dressed quickly, Alex did the same. He didn’t want to give Jack the chance to change his mind. 

They walked downstairs past Rian and Zack’s room, they were still snoring and Alex smiled. Glad that his friends were resting. Alex was used to waking up early now. Jack had never liked early mornings, but Alex found that he was the most responsive in the early mornings. Especially when it was just the two of them. “It’s not too cold this morning,” Alex hummed as he walked around the farm, Jack close by his side. He didn’t speak, Alex was used to that now. As they walked, Jack linked his fingers with Alex’s and gave his hand a little squeeze. Alex turned his head and squeezed his hand in return. 

They made it to the goats and the three little animals were as excitable as ever, Alex opened the pen and the three goats instantly rushed forward looking for some attention. Alex let go of Jack’s hand and petted the goats, Jack chuckled softly as Poe came sniffing at his shoes. Jack reached down and stroked his head, he seemed happy with the distraction of the animals and Alex was captivated by him. He knew that animals could be therapeutic and he hoped his goats would help Jack as much as they helped him in the past. 

Alex grabbed the feed and filled up their truffs, Jack looked up to watch what he was doing, his eyes looked like they had a little more life in them then they had over the past few days and Alex smiled at him, glad that Jack smiled back. Poe rushed forward with his brothers and started to eat, leaving Jack alone. Looking around jack spotted a broom and started to sweep up the mess the goats had made the day before. 

“You don’t have to do that,” Alex said gently. 

Jack just shrugged and continued to sweep, Alex didn’t say anything else. He had a few farm jobs he needed to do, and if Jack was happy enough to sweep then he wouldn’t argue. He started to do some of his tasks making sure to keep an eye on Jack. 

Alex had just finished letting the horses out when he saw Jack was sitting on one of the deck chairs, he had all three goats around him and he was talking. Alex couldn’t quite hear what he was saying, and he didn’t want to intrude on his moment, so he stayed with the horses for a little while. Rian and Zack walked out of the house, they both looked to be showered and dressed and Alex wondered how long he had been out there for. 

“Hey guys,” Alex smiled. 

“Jack’s not in bed.” Rian smiled, clearly impressed. “What did you do?”

“Nothing, I ask him every day to come and see the goats, today he said yes.” Alex shrugged. “I don’t want to ask why or what changed for him, I’m just happy that he’s not in the bedroom. He’s actually done a lot of work out here, I’m hoping maybe he’ll have some lunch and then maybe he’ll have a nap?”

“Hopefully, he doesn’t look sad today.” Zack smiled. 

“No, he seems okay.” Alex nodded.

“We are going to head into town, pick up a few groceries and stuff. Do you need anything?” Rian asks and Alex shakes his head, he knows that his friends would pick up enough stuff for them all. 

Zack walks over to Jack, he’s not really a farm sort of guy, but he can see why Alex loves it so much. And it seems to be really helping Jack. The goats look up at Zack and two of them rush forward to the new feet they can see approaching, Poe stays by Jack’s side. 

“Hey man, it’s nice to see you up.” Zack smiles and he sits on the deck chair beside him. The goats instantly climb up for more attention making Zack startle a little, but it makes Jack laugh and it’s a sound that Zack hasn’t heard in a while and makes him smile. “Me and Rian are heading into town, do you need anything?” 

“Can you get me a journal?” Jack asked and Zack was surprised to have got a verbal answer. “I left mine.” 

“Of course.” Zack nodded. 

“And some cereal? Alex taste in cereal sucks.” Jack says and Poe licks at his face making Jack laugh a little.

“Sure thing.” Zack nods. 

Zack gives his arm a little squeeze and gets back up and walks over to Rian and Alex who had watched the interaction. “We shall see you soon.” Rian smiles. Alex nods and he watches them both go, he walks over to Jack who is watching him fondly. 

“Hey you,” Alex smiles and he sits down where Zack had been sitting. 

“Hey,” Jack smiles and he tilts his head. Gryff And Milk are now dancing around Alex’s chair. 

“I think he likes you,” Alex smiles, gesturing to Poe who was draped across Jack’s legs. 

“I like him too.” Jack nods. 

“We’ve been out here for a while, shall we go inside and make some lunch?” Alex asks. 

“In a little bit? My head doesn’t feel so fuzzy out here.” Jack responds and Alex nods his head.

“It has a way of doing that, it’s why I moved back here.” Alex answers. Jack nods his head slowly, sucking his bottom lip a little. “What is it?”

“I think… I think I should call Jason later.” Jack sighs. 

“Yeah?” Alex smiles and he is so immensely proud of Jack right now. 

“I have a lot to talk about, and i think it should be to him.” Jack nods.

“Okay, and you know if you ever want to talk to me, I’m here for you.” Alex whispers.

“I know, thank you.” Jack smiles and he leans over and holds his hand out for Alex who takes it straight away. “And thank you for the past few days, I know I… I haven’t made anything easy for you.” 

“Jack, none of this is easy for you either, and none of this is your fault. I know what Tyler said Jack.” At that, Jack tensed but Alex moved forward so he was as close to Jack as he could be without falling onto the goats. “It is not true. You do not ruin people, you save them Jack.” Alex whispered. “You saved me.” 

Jack doesn’t know what Alex means by that, but he can see just how true Alex think it is and it makes his heart feel heavy and he nods his head slowly. He wishes that his brain would believe that rather than what Tyler had said, but three words just ran through his mind and that was all that he could focus on “You’ll ruin him.” And that was something Jack never wanted to do.


	32. Chapter 32

Alex suggests that Jack calls Jason outside, he seems to be the most comfortable outside, especially with the goats and it’s not too cold and Jack really doesn’t want to go back inside just yet, so he agrees. He’s sitting on the deck chair, Alex’s laptop on a little stand in front of him with a video chat open. Jack is glad to have Poe beside him, Alec had given him some special goat treats to distract himself with the goats and it was the best idea, it meant he could look at the goats and give them the attention as he spoke. Jason also agreed that this was a good idea. 

“So, what changed today?” Jason asked. 

“What do you mean?” Jack frowned, though he knew exactly what he meant, he just needed time to get the answer in his mind. 

“When I spoke to Zack the other day, just to check in, he mentioned that you were in bed, that you wasn’t too keen on getting up or talking to anyone. But today, you said you got out of bed and helped feed the goats and you seem quite relaxed.” 

“I don’t really know why. Alex asked, and I said yes.” Jack said simply.

“But you said he asks every day,” Jason presses. 

“But today I was ready. I just… I had a nightmare, Tyler had… In my dream he had really hurt me, I thought…. It was so real. And I woke up, and I just had enough. I can’t keep feeling so terrified of him, I know that it’s not going to be a magic case of clicking my fingers and everything I’ve dealt with disappearing.”

”That’s great Jack.” Jason said proudly and Jack blinked up at the screen and was surprised to see just how much he was smiling, it was like he was really proud of him and he could see it in his face. 

“I left my journal, when we came here, it was a bit of a rush, but Zack he got me a new one, and I want to write everything down like you suggested.” Jack smiles shyly. “I just don’t know where to start.” 

“If it’s easier for you, I can send you little tasks to do inside it? Reflection activities to see how you are feeling and to support this new frame of mind for you.” Jason suggested. 

“Okay.” Jack nodded, that didn’t sound too bad. 

“Have you thought about taking the medication?” Jason asks. 

“I took a few of the anxiety tablets, but they just make me feel really out of it. I’m not too sure if i want to be on anything permanently.” Jack replies and Poe knocks his head against his hand and Jack chuckles and hands him another treat. 

“It’s something to think about in the future, but if you are feeling better in yourself, we can continue with these sessions, your journal and i think you being there is really helping you.” 

“I think so too.” Jack smiled and Poe poked his head towards the laptop screen and Jason chuckled softly.

“How long do you think you’re going to stay there?” Jason asked and Jack instantly paled. 

How long would Alex have him there? He didn’t want to be a burden or to put any additional stress on Alex, he was already dealing with so much. But the thought of leaving, the thought of not being near Alex terrified him. 

“Jack, you need to breathe.” Jason said strongly and it instantly snapped Jack from his thoughts. “It is not something that you need to think about right now Jack,” 

Jack just nodded his head slowly and looked back towards the house. He felt so comfortable there. He didn’t ever want to go back to LA, but he knew that was ridiculous. His life was in LA. 

“What do you think you’ll do for the rest of the day?” Jason asks and Jack is so grateful that he’s trying to change the conversation topic. 

“I think we are having pizza and then Zack mentioned some mario kart.” Jack smiles. 

“That sounds really nice.” Jason nods. 

“Yeah,” He whispers. 

“A part of you wants to go to the bedroom and hide?” Jason assumes. 

“Yeah.” Jack nods. 

“I think you should try and stay with them, join in a little. You’ve done so well today, even if you have fifteen minutes with them,”

“I’ll try.” Jack nods and he chews his lip a little nervously. 

“Whether you do or not, it’s okay, but I want you to write about how you felt and what you did.” Jason adds. 

“Okay.” Jack nods his head and he sighs softly. “I think I’m done for today.” Jack whispers.

“You’ve done so well Jack, I have you booked in for Friday, but if you need me just send me a message and I’ll fit you in okay?” Jack nodded his head, he said his goodbyes and ended the call. He closed the laptop and looked down at the goat who was lazing on top of him once again and he sighed softly. 

Alex had just finished making the hot chocolates when Jack walked in, laptop tucked under his arm. “Hey,” Alex smiled. 

“I put the goats back in the pen, is that where they’re supposed to go?” Jack asked. 

“It is. Thank you.” Alex grins, “Hot chocolate?” He smiles and hands him the mug as Jack lays the laptop down on the table. 

“Thank you.” Jack smiles and he sits up on the counter and takes the mug, sipping it slowly. “You make the best hot chocolate.” Jack smiles. 

“I’m glad you think so.” Alex whispers and watches him with a smile as he sips his own. “How did it go?” Alex asks 

“Good.” Jack nods. “He’s giving me little tasks to do, to help with my reflective thinking.” 

“That sounds like it would be good for you.” Alex nods and Jack nods in response and they fall into a comfortable silence as they drink their hot chocolates. Once Jack has finished he tilts his head and looks at his friend, “What have I got a chocolate moustache?” Alex grins and Jack chuckles and shakes his head. 

“Tonight, for Mario Kart, can you be on my team?” Jack asks and Alex’s face lights up at that, he had been hoping that Jack would want to join in. 

“Of course, they’re going down.” Alex winks and Jack just smiles back, maybe this would be a fun night after all.


	33. Chapter 33

Jack is smiling. 

It feels weird, but he’s smiling and he likes it. 

He’s sitting on the corner seat of the sofa, his legs draped over Alex’s lap, the older man has one hand wrapped around his ankle, and the other holding onto the game controller. On the opposite side of them is Zack and Rian who are laughing at something but Jack doesn’t really focus on that right now, all he’s focused on was the fact that he was smiling. 

The new game starts and Alex is instantly calling out to Zack telling him that he’s going to lose and Jack just grins and drives toad around rainbow road, he doesn’t care about winning or losing, all he cares about is what he feels right now. 

They play for an hour, Jack surprises them all by staying with them for so long, and if it wasn’t for his eyes falling shut every so often then he’s sure he would have stayed awake longer. It’s Rian who notices and says they should call it, but Jack isn’t ready to go to bed yet, so he asks if they could watch films on the sofa and they can all see what a good mood Jack is in and none of them would ever say no to that. Not when he’s doing so well. 

Alex declares that it’s been almost six months since they watched the Fifth Element together so he puts that on and Jack just smiles at him, he leans back a little and he feels so rested. At some point, someone goes and gets blankets and they are all cosy on the sofas. Jack’s surprised he isn’t the first one to fall asleep, but it’s Alex. Alex had moved so he was resting against his chest and Jack had no choice but to wrap his arms around him, just to be comfortable. He stares at the sleeping man on his chest and sighs contently, this is how he wants every night to end, the two of them like this. He looks up when he feels eyes on him and Zack is smiling almost knowingly at him, beside him Rian snores a little and Jack smiles.

“You okay?” Zack whispers. 

“I am.” Jack nods. “Are you?” 

“I’m fine,” Zack smiles and he tilts his head and looks at the two of them. “I know everything that happened to you was horrible Jack, but maybe there was a reason for it, maybe it was to bring the two of you closer.” Zack says and Jack frowns. “The two of you love each other so much, you should be together Jack.”

Jack looks down, his head is spinning and he nods his head so slowly. “I… I’m not…” 

“I’m not saying right now, but when you’re ready, don’t run from it.” Zack finishes and Jack just nods his head, he looks down at Alex who is smiling a little in his sleep and he runs his fingers through his hair. 

He would never run from Alex, or his feelings for him, but that didn’t mean he was ready to be with anyone just yet. 

The next morning is a lazy one, Alex begrudgingly gets up just so that he can go and see the animals, even Zack decides against his morning workout. Jack moves from the living room to Alex’s bedroom and he sits on the double bed, draped in Alex’s jumper and journal on his lap. He’s chewing on the pen lid and just staring at the empty lines on the page. He has so many words in his head, but he doesn’t know how to get them out. He knows he has to, knows he needs to clear his brain but he isn’t the one that’s good with words. That’s Alex. He sighs and thinks about the older boy. 

The way that he makes him feel. 

A small smile tugs at his lips and he lowers his hand to the page and he writes. 

Alex is tired and muddy when he walks into his bedroom, he stops in his tracks when he sees Jack curled up asleep, notebook open and pen against his cheek. He has little ink marks and he sucks his lip, Jack looks cute. He looks rested and peaceful and Alex wants to take a photo and capture the moment because he doesn’t know how long he is going to stay like that. He doesn’t take a photo, he walks forward and he steps on something because Jack jumps awake, his hair sticking in all directions. 

“I fell asleep.” Jack frowns.

“You fell asleep.” Alex smiles.

“Sorry I…” Jack sucks his lip, he really isn’t too sure what he is saying sorry for but he tilts his head and looks at Alex who just smiles back at him. 

“I am going to have a shower, as I smell like goat.” Alex hums.

“The goats smell better.” Jack teases and Alex just rolls his eyes. 

“How is the journal?” Alex asks and he gestures to the book, he can see Jack’s writing, it’s messy like it was just a stream from his mind and Jack closes it a little. “I didn’t read it.” Alex says because he feels like he has to say it. Jack relaxes a little and chews his lip as he stares at his best friend, debating whether or not to show him yet. 

“It’s… The words don’t make sense yet, but when they do, I’ll show you.” Jack reasons. 

“Whenever you are ready, as long as it is helping.” Alex smiles. 

“Once you’ve had a shower, can we go for a walk?” Jack asks.

“Of course, where do you want to go?” Alex hums, he would go anywhere with Jack, he really would. 

“I was thinking just a stroll around the farm?” Jack asked quietly. “It was nice yesterday, clearing my head.” 

“Well a walk around the farm sounds perfect, give me ten minutes okay?” Alex smiles.

Jack nods his head and watches him go, he doesn’t know why he has butterflies in his stomach, but he feels like this walk is going to mean something, everything with Alex means something, but this feels different. He puts the journal on the side and he waits for Alex to come back out. 

In his mind all he can think about maybe this walk around the farm could be the perfect first date.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts? Feelings?


End file.
